School bullies picking on my son.....any advice??

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Replies

  • paleojoe
    paleojoe Posts: 442 Member
    [/quote]
    And if that kid's parent is better at fighting than you? Or has a gun?

    You assume it has to come down to fighting...
    Teaching your kid to protect himself or herself is the best possible thing you can do.

    This I agree with...
  • Carnivor0us
    Carnivor0us Posts: 1,752 Member
    So then, when do you jump in?

    When name calling becomes shoving?
    When shoving becomes punching?
    How about when the harassment starts online?
    What about this new trend of snapping nude shots in the locker room and posting on Facebook? Do you step in then?
    Do you step in when it's guys on girl?

    Seriously, where do you draw the line? At what point do you intervene? I think it's probably better to intervene when they are young so that lessons are learned before it gets way out of hand and things end up online...

    You jump in early, and teach your kid to protect himself or herself (once again, that doesn't necessarily mean fighting).

    The world doesn't suddenly get safer once they graduate from highschool. In fact quite the opposite. Learning when and how to protect yourself at a young age is a good thing.

    I agree that life doesn't get easier. I handled my bullies myself. This stuff going online though is very troublesome because it's permanent. Some poor girl (especially girls, although I understand it happens to boys too) gets a nude shot posted online and that's enough to follow her for the rest of her life.

    Nude shot? Wow. I know things are really different since I graduated high school 9 years ago, but....maybe NOT taking the picture would have nipped that issue in the bud.

    Then again, a lot of kids are good at Photoshop these days...
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member

    Nude shot? Wow. I know things are really different since I graduated high school 9 years ago, but....maybe NOT taking the picture would have nipped that issue in the bud.

    Then again, a lot of kids are good at Photoshop these days...

    It's not like these things are happening with consent (in some cases). It's a big issue. Read the news.
  • Carnivor0us
    Carnivor0us Posts: 1,752 Member

    Nude shot? Wow. I know things are really different since I graduated high school 9 years ago, but....maybe NOT taking the picture would have nipped that issue in the bud.

    Then again, a lot of kids are good at Photoshop these days...

    It's not like these things are happening with consent (in some cases). It's a big issue. Read the news.

    Okay, so like teens are sneaking into other teens houses while said teen is taking a shower and snapping a photo?

    Edit: And I'm not really talking about the non-consent photos here. What about those cases that are not those 'some cases' you describe?
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    Question for the lawyers in the bunch:

    If the bullying got so severe and your child had to have counseling would there be any legal recourse to seek financial compensation from the parents of the bullies? Is there any precedence for pain and suffering compensation? I understand you are talking about minors, but what would be the responsibility of the bullies' guardians? Or could you involve the schools if you could prove they did not take action into the manner?

    I'd assume you would have to prove that they had directly harmed your child and as a result suffered from damaged property, absentee days, and/or lowered grades.

    Just curious if there would be anyway to get the courts involved if it came to that?

    I don't know about the US but here in Canada bullying at the primary level is treated like it's a JOKE. My neighbor's kid was constantly being bullied by a kid at school and he would tell ME (a neighbour!) all about it any chance he could get. His parents involved the police and it still went on. Apparently they tried talking to the kid's parents and they were marginally more advanced than apes. How schools deal with it (from my experience as a 3rd party and even when I was in high school) was a JOKE. I used to get bullied in high school till I knocked the dumb b!tch out. <- My only regret was that I let if go on for so long until I did.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    And if that kid's parent is better at fighting than you? Or has a gun?
    You assume it has to come down to fighting...

    I don't think I was a bully in school. That being said, if someone's parent came and chewed out my mom or dad, it would've put that kid on my *kitten* list posthaste.

    I'm not assuming it would come down to fighting, but I can think of plenty of situations where confronting the parent(s) would make matters worse and not better.
    Good discussion. It's really a hard issue for parents.

    Things happen so fast though. I remember when I was around 13, I developed more quickly then the other girls. Locker rooms were a nightmare. I didn't know at the time I needed a bra yet and the teasing was relentless. They stole my clothes one time and I didn't get them back until a gym teacher realized I was missing. It was mortifying. And, nowadays? That would have ended up on YouTube. What would I have done? Fend off 5 girls wearing a hand towel?

    I'm not sure I know how that moment could have prevented. I was the new kid in town, so I hadn't established myself early on. I left and went to boarding school the following year.
    A terrifying prospect, no doubt. I do think that's one of the (many) burdens of being a parent. You (should) always worry for your kids, but many times there's not a lot you can do more than raise them right. In the situation you mentioned, what could your folks have done to stop that?
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member

    Nude shot? Wow. I know things are really different since I graduated high school 9 years ago, but....maybe NOT taking the picture would have nipped that issue in the bud.

    Then again, a lot of kids are good at Photoshop these days...

    It's not like these things are happening with consent (in some cases). It's a big issue. Read the news.

    Okay, so like teens are sneaking into other teens houses while said teen is taking a shower and snapping a photo?

    Edit: And I'm not really talking about the non-consent photos here.

    Locker rooms, sports facilities, parties, etc.

    Think about everything you did as a teen. All of it can end up online these days. *shudder*
  • Carnivor0us
    Carnivor0us Posts: 1,752 Member

    Nude shot? Wow. I know things are really different since I graduated high school 9 years ago, but....maybe NOT taking the picture would have nipped that issue in the bud.

    Then again, a lot of kids are good at Photoshop these days...

    It's not like these things are happening with consent (in some cases). It's a big issue. Read the news.

    Okay, so like teens are sneaking into other teens houses while said teen is taking a shower and snapping a photo?

    Edit: And I'm not really talking about the non-consent photos here.

    Locker rooms, sports facilities, parties, etc.

    Think about everything you did as a teen. All of it can end up online these days. *shudder*

    Okay, fine, that's different - but not all cases are going to be that.
  • dextersgramps
    dextersgramps Posts: 39 Member
    it's sad when parents have to get involved..........my mom didn't know anything about the kids that bullied me......until each time I came home and told her I knocked each one of them out.

    geez, people seriously?

    are we still kissing boo boos too?
    sometimes the problem is your fist are your weapons but what is there weapon.you give them a slap and they pull a knife or even worse.its also the cyber bullying .its not like it was 25 years ago when someone would bully you ,you thump them and they suddenly decided to try to be friends with you
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    And if that kid's parent is better at fighting than you? Or has a gun?
    You assume it has to come down to fighting...

    I don't think I was a bully in school. That being said, if someone's parent came and chewed out my mom or dad, it would've put that kid on my *kitten* list posthaste.

    I'm not assuming it would come down to fighting, but I can think of plenty of situations where confronting the parent(s) would make matters worse and not better.
    Good discussion. It's really a hard issue for parents.

    Things happen so fast though. I remember when I was around 13, I developed more quickly then the other girls. Locker rooms were a nightmare. I didn't know at the time I needed a bra yet and the teasing was relentless. They stole my clothes one time and I didn't get them back until a gym teacher realized I was missing. It was mortifying. And, nowadays? That would have ended up on YouTube. What would I have done? Fend off 5 girls wearing a hand towel?

    I'm not sure I know how that moment could have prevented. I was the new kid in town, so I hadn't established myself early on. I left and went to boarding school the following year.
    A terrifying prospect, no doubt. I do think that's one of the (many) burdens of being a parent. You (should) always worry for your kids, but many times there's not a lot you can do more than raise them right. In the situation you mentioned, what could your folks have done to stop that?

    Nothing really, But I always wondered that if the bullies had been stopped earlier, say when they were 6, the world would have been a better place. I'm sure the ring leader of that psycho barbie brigade is living a pathetic life somewhere.

    I will say that I believe in fending for oneself. BUT, if this happened today and ended up online, I would certainly press charges (or threaten to press charges).
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member

    Okay, fine, that's different - but not all cases are going to be that.

    I agree, but it is happening. I'm saying, if you can step in and correct the behavior at 6, will that prevent this nonsense at 12?

    I honestly don't know...it's a good discussion.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    it's sad when parents have to get involved..........my mom didn't know anything about the kids that bullied me......until each time I came home and told her I knocked each one of them out.

    geez, people seriously?

    are we still kissing boo boos too?
    sometimes the problem is your fist are your weapons but what is there weapon.you give them a slap and they pull a knife or even worse.its also the cyber bullying .its not like it was 25 years ago when someone would bully you ,you thump them and they suddenly decided to try to be friends with you

    Cyber bullying is NOT worse than having a knife pulled on you.
  • lorigem
    lorigem Posts: 446 Member
    I know no women will agree but you also have to teach your kids to fight their own battles. The bullies obviously have to be addressed but kids aren't going to be able to run home to mommy every time they get their feelings hurts. Like Rocky said, "nothing hits harder than life".

    Yup! I'm so glad my parents allowed me the opportunity to stand up for myself. My mom was livid I came home crying every day because of this stupid bully. But she told me to fight back. And I did. It shaped who I am today. I'm not a pushover...I'm a fighter ;)
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    Nothing really, But I always wondered that if the bullies had been stopped earlier, say when they were 6, the world would have been a better place. I'm sure the ring leader of that psycho barbie brigade is living a pathetic life somewhere.

    I will say that I believe in fending for oneself. BUT, if this happened today and ended up online, I would certainly press charges (or threaten to press charges).

    It's a question of control. I think the level of control that would be required to stop all kids from being mean would be both impractical and stifling to the growth of any kind of resilience in the children. I don't think you can stop people from being mean, all you can do is teach your kids to deal with that reality and to protect themselves as best they can.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member

    Edit: And I'm not really talking about the non-consent photos here. What about those cases that are not those 'some cases' you describe?

    Sexting gone public.
  • ilovedeadlifts
    ilovedeadlifts Posts: 2,923 Member
    I'd definitely speak with the principal/teachers/bus drivers first to try to resolve the situation.
    Then I'd try to get in touch with the parents.

    If all else fails,well actually regardless of the outcome, teach your kid to take up for himself. If he fights back, you've got it on record that you spoke with administrators about the issue and they failed to resolve it. After a bully catches one in the nose, he typically stops.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    After a bully catches one in the nose, he typically stops.

    This has been my exerience also.
  • lorigem
    lorigem Posts: 446 Member
    The teacher's aren't going to do squat. As a kid who was bullied I can promise you this.

    Your teacher sucked then. On another occasion with a bully, I (only 8 years old at the time) went to my teacher and told her about the bully and if she didn't do anything, I would. She sat both of us down and asked the bully why she picked on me so much. We talked it out. She actually said she picked on me because I was smarter than her. Ha! But that teacher DID DO something. The thing is, my mommy didn't go fight my battle for me. I did the work. I made it stop.
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,065 Member
    Thanks everyone for all your words of wisdom, it has helped me so much! :flowerforyou:

    I have told my two boys in the past (although I don't encourage them to fight) that if someone is pounding the crap out of you do not be afraid to defend yourself and fight back. My oldest was in Karate but he DID NOT like it and I could not keep him in it. I am going to see if my little guy would like to go. He's the toughest of the two and I can see him holding his own once he gets a little bigger.

    I myself got bullied as a kid, mostly in Elementary school so I know how horrible it is....to the point I did not want to go to school. My mom was the best as she would confront the bully and give them an earful to the point that she would make them cry and they left me alone after that. I was a very standoffish child and very shy so I would not stand up for myself, I would just go cry in the corner. Luckily I'm not like that anymore!

    I am not taking this lightly that's for sure and if I have to make a scene, so be it. I know that it will continue if I don't. I will let you know how it goes on Monday!
  • Denjo060
    Denjo060 Posts: 1,008
    I know this is an unconventional approach but you have to realize this was 20 years ago My odest son at the time was 5 a kid in our developement was picking on him severly at the bus stop. We lived in an apt building that had two floor so I saw him in the building one day and got a hold of him where no one was around and grabbed him by the front of his shirt and lifted him up and put him against the wall and told him if he EVER touched my son again I would beat the crap out of him It was just him and I there were no witnesses so I told him if he said anything I would deny everything . Guess what it worked he never picked on him again HAHAHAH I was like a mother lioness when my kids were young protecting her cubs :angry: :love:

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