Boyfriend dilemma

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Replies

  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
    He's married.

    ^ This x 100
  • Crateria_
    Crateria_ Posts: 253 Member
    4 years and that's all you get? The weekends? Sounds like a pretty lousy deal. You deserve better than that!

    And overreacting? Sweetheart.. you are UNDERreacting.
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    He's married.

    100% honest, that was my first thought.

    I was thinking the same thing.
  • uconnwinsnc
    uconnwinsnc Posts: 1,054 Member
    The paranoia in this thread is hilarious. The guy is probably busy and shouldn't be committed to a relationship. Break up with him or accept that you are not his priority. It all depends on what you want with your life.
  • Soccermavrick
    Soccermavrick Posts: 405 Member
    Ok, not to be mean, but either he has put you in the friend-zone, and using you for benefits, he is married - making you the mistress, or he is gay and in the closet. I am leaning towards number 1.

    This does not sounds like any relationship that I have ever been in, where I gave a crap about the other person. It sounds like you are someone that he can go out with, hit it, hang with and then go back to his life without interference. I think if you are looking for more, then you need to start looking elsewhere. (And it is probably all him - and maybe he is not capable of more. But it sounds like you want/need more.) And most happy couples that I know want to talk everyday, if just to hear their voice.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I can't understand how he is willing to purchase a house and live together if he can't spend the night.

    That is completely non-copacetic.

    My BF and I only see each other on HIS weekend (Wed/Thurs) and I have 8-5 work schedule- so it's only in the evenings I see him. We talk regularly through the week when we can- he also works an evening shift- so it makes it very difficult to coordinate and talk- but we do.

    And he certainly stays with me when he comes to visit. (He's 2 hrs away on a good day).

    If you aren't satisfied- you need to leave- since communication isn't working.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    I spoke with him and I got my answer.....

    He wants to know why he has to contact me every day. Kinda hurts but whatever.
    Well, you want him to contact you everyday and he didn't want to.

    Why do you want him to contact you everyday? If you want to talk, call him. This isn't high school, this is adulthood.

    My beau and I love talking to each other everyday we are apart, mostly via Face time, but that's just us. However, if we skip a day or two, it's no big deal. Our relationship is stable and we love and trust each other.
  • Leslie1124
    Leslie1124 Posts: 143 Member
    He's got another life - another family ... you're his weekend girl.
  • tim201200
    tim201200 Posts: 146 Member
    I'd say he's married
  • kimid123
    kimid123 Posts: 16 Member
    Is this behavior acceptable to you?

    That's really the only question you should be asking. It either works for you or it doesn't. If it doesn't, move on and find something else that does.

    Anything you get out of this thread will be pure speculation and/or people's opinions based on their own needs and bias.

    Very well put.
  • 10nacityLex
    10nacityLex Posts: 16 Member
    I totally agree! This sounds to me that all it has been is a 4yr weekend booty call. Move on...
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    From all of this, all I can gather is you are really not a priority - if after four years you're not seeing/talking to each other at all during the week and not sleeping over at all. You are practically leading completely separate lives during the week. I don't know - it doesn't sound like it's what you want anymore. If you're okay with it, great. If you're not, you should move on. I know I would not be happy at all in this situation, but that's just me.
  • just_Jennie1
    just_Jennie1 Posts: 1,233
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.

    If he always goes to your house then all signs point to him being married, especially if there are no "sleepovers".
  • moosegt35
    moosegt35 Posts: 1,296 Member
    The paranoia in this thread is hilarious. The guy is probably busy and shouldn't be committed to a relationship. Break up with him or accept that you are not his priority. It all depends on what you want with your life.

    No one is too busy to send a text or make a call to their GF of 4 years.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    Hey, he has to have time with his wife and kids during the week, right? But seriously, it sounds like you want a lower level of connectedness than most people would think of as normal, so the fact that you have a guy who is ok with that is a feat in and of itself. I'd quit while I was ahead in your case.
  • David_AUS
    David_AUS Posts: 298 Member
    Are you getting what you want from the relationship? It sounds to me like you are searching for this answer and this is normal and healthy. In my experience people don't intrinsically change but they are always re-adjusting their values. I get the impression that you have had a change in what you want from this relationship, get clear in your head what you want and move towards it. There is likely a degree of comfort in your current arrangements for both of you - you are now ready to challenge this - be prepared that a change will be either with him in the future or it may be with his absence temporarily or permanently. You need to be OK with either outcome because you are working towards what you truly want - Not from a place of comfort or familiarity, not from a place of dependency. It sounds like you are ready to spread your wings and start to do things your way.
  • David_AUS
    David_AUS Posts: 298 Member
    Remember if he chooses to lose your friendship - his life can be richer with you....

    3a8daff82e4999dcbe52ea1ca4e72cf4_view.jpg

    ..or less rich without you!
  • beckyboooo87x
    beckyboooo87x Posts: 173 Member
    Maybe he has a bit on the side...
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    I spoke with him and I got my answer.....

    He wants to know why he has to contact me every day. Kinda hurts but whatever.
    Well, you want him to contact you everyday and he didn't want to.

    Why do you want him to contact you everyday? If you want to talk, call him. This isn't high school, this is adulthood.

    My beau and I love talking to each other everyday we are apart, mostly via Face time, but that's just us. However, if we skip a day or two, it's no big deal. Our relationship is stable and we love and trust each other.

    I do contact him but if I don't he won't contact me. He can probably go 1-2 days without any contact. Maybe it's insecurity on my part.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    The paranoia in this thread is hilarious. The guy is probably busy and shouldn't be committed to a relationship. Break up with him or accept that you are not his priority. It all depends on what you want with your life.

    No one is too busy to send a text or make a call to their GF of 4 years.

    Are you sticking up for me?? :huh: :wink:

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