What the Hell Happened to Dating?

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Replies

  • OperationSuperKAT
    OperationSuperKAT Posts: 886 Member
    I was also reading full chapter books at the age of four, and read my first full length Tolstoy at the age of 12.

    In the original Russian? ;-)

    --P

    Unfortunately no. That had to wait until undergrad ;)
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,064 Member
    This article is in the same vein...

    http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/relationship-virgins

    The author wrote a book, which I have on reserve from the library.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,344 Member
    i think it's a mix of things :
    - online dating (it's like online shopping. i can just return that person after 1 date :laugh: )
    - people expecting perfection (youth/beauty/etc is in our face 24/7 so many people expect their SOs to be 10 even if they themselves arent 10's)
    - unintentional side effects of feminism (loss of women's sexual power and energy; women actually being afraid to admit they want a bf or husband for fear of looking like they arent independent; men becoming more passive to avoid potentially coming off as chauvinists, etc)
    - too much pressure on kids on things that take away from their socialization. those kids grow up to be adults who have never really learned how to date or interact with opposite sex.
    - lack of consequences for laziness (if people can get away with asking someone out via text then why should they change?)
    - depending on your ethnicity or age you'll constantly be reminded in the media of how you are either unattractive, noone wants you or you are a dying bread. some people start to internalize those things and believe them
    - bad habits that are blamed on other things. by this i mean people claim they are "busy" but in actuality they just have a short attention span. many people expect thins to happen quickly. kind of like if you can binge watch a season of orange is the new black in a weekend, they expect the same to happen with relationships.
    - either from lack of honestly or inability to be vulnerable or wanting to avoid rejection or whatever, some people aren't willing to make their intentions known which leads to confusion.


    with that said, ive been on several of those "dates that i didnt know were dates" :laugh: i didnt know until well after the fact when the dude i was "dating" later asked me why i blew him off, told me i broke his heart by bringing another date to our date, etc. in all cases these were guys who never made their intention known that they were interested in me more than friends. i mean sheesh the guys didnt have to pull their penis out and rub it own me, but they could have at said something like "i think you're pretty" "or something to cue me in they werent intentionally putting themself in the friendzone

    One of them would also regularly invite other people to our "dates" (which is why i didnt see an issue with inviting a real date). That last one always stood out to me because the group date is how we dated in high school but by this time we were 32. i did feel kind of bad that at early 30 that guy was stuck in high school :ohwell:

    Anyway, I am rambling and I probably have forgotten the initial point, but essentially you are responsible of your own success (primarily as only you can define what a "success" is).

    agreed. i advise everyone who dosnt want to be single to stop lamenting about being single, get out and meet people via networking, hobbies, events, etc. dont be afraid to show people how you want to be treated : if you know "hang out dates" are just a way for your date to cop out, then say no i want an actual date. if they have a problem with that then they've done you a favor.

    Well David, I think we need to qualify what your average woman 'wants' or 'expects' from dating before we start to presume we are all delusional!!
    yep!
    my definition of a date involves spending time with someone who is clearly interested in getting to know me and is using that date time to do that and you're both participating in an activity that you are both into to or interested in doing. i know i cant speak for all women (i'm still waiting you gals' signature on that particular petition :tongue: ) but i think many men would be surprised to know that many women's definition of "date" is something much simpler than what the men expect.
  • Prahasaurus
    Prahasaurus Posts: 1,385 Member
    my definition of a date involves spending time with someone who is clearly interested in getting to know me and is using that date time to do that and you're both participating in an activity that you are both into to or interested in doing.

    I completely agree with this. And this is what is so confusing to me. If men are typically the culprit, why would we (men) be against classical dating? As correctly noted, if done correctly, it's just participating in activities that both parties enjoy. Seriously, who could be against that?

    We're talking about a picnic in the park, going to see a movie, or just having a nice dinner and talking a bit. And most women, at least based on comments here, are willing to share costs. So if the guy is struggling financially, it's not like he has to spend a lot of money to participate in these mutually beneficial activities. Worst case is you see a nice movie, have a beer, and realize this person is not for you. Maybe 4 hours max???

    Perhaps it's just extreme laziness? But who wants to start a relationship with someone who is just too lazy to go see a movie, or talk a bit in a restaurant over dinner? That seems rather pathetic, to be honest. I can't imagine we've sunk that low. Is this really a trend among anyone over 21 years old???

    Again, I'm not really sure I'm completely understanding the dynamic. Would be good to hear from more men who just don't bother dating in the traditional sense. Why the change? What am I missing here?

    --P
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    Is this really a trend among anyone over 21 years old???
    Personally, I have never ever met anyone who wouldn't at least go on a date (or do "something") - although there is plenty to do where I live. Whether the person being invited or the activity becomes the "main" focus of the night probably depends on the situation...
    The only examples I have heard of people who don't go on dates are couples that aren't in love/interested in each other any more.

    Maybe Glamour readers are boring and bored with their lives in such a way that nobody wants to date them.
  • OperationSuperKAT
    OperationSuperKAT Posts: 886 Member
    Personally, I have never ever met anyone who wouldn't at least go on a date (or do "something")

    I would agree with this. The only thing I can think of is that they skewed the results somehow to prove a point. Or they only polled people who actually responded to the "hey sexy come over and watch a movie with me tonight" messages that I seemed to get on a daily basis while actually using an online dating profile.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,344 Member

    I completely agree with this. And this is what is so confusing to me. If men are typically the culprit, why would we (men) be against classical dating? As correctly noted, if done correctly, it's just participating in activities that both parties enjoy. Seriously, who could be against that?

    We're talking about a picnic in the park, going to see a movie, or just having a nice dinner and talking a bit. And most women, at least based on comments here, are willing to share costs. So if the guy is struggling financially, it's not like he has to spend a lot of money to participate in these mutually beneficial activities. Worst case is you see a nice movie, have a beer, and realize this person is not for you. Maybe 4 hours max???

    these are all great ideas and agree with everything except sharing the cost details, especially for the first few dates but that's a whole other can of worms :laugh:

    as for why these types of classical dates are going by the wayside, i think it might be because guys think that women expect more extravagant things for dates and they don't want to risk paying a lot of dough for someone they might not like. plus i think there are more than a few cynical guys out there who have been burned by girls who in the past have gone out with them just to get free stuff and expect that all women are like that. also, PUA techniques are really popular with 20/30 year old american men and traditional dates are seen to be a waste of time in those.
    Maybe Glamour readers are boring and bored with their lives in such a way that nobody wants to date them.
    that's very possible. although glamour has been losing popularity over the years so i wouldnt even be surprised if this data was made up as a way for them to try and stay relevent