Sexual Assult Prevention Week
Replies
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Secrets are the breeding ground for toxicity and the uncomfy nature of the rape topic allows it to fester in our society as an unchecked weed.
Yes!0 -
I read through this thread earlier and wasn't going to offer my opinion, but I think maybe I should.
So far, a lot of what we seem to be talking about is a reference to the idea that women are usually attacked when they're alone, walking in dark alleys at night or unaccompanied in a dangerous part of town. These scenarios do happen. And I do think that learning self-defense and self-awareness is very important, not from a prevention standpoint, but because people really suck sometimes, and I think it's smart to have as many advantages as possible in a bad situation.
BUT self-defense and self-awareness aren't enough. Women aren't just assaulted while they're walking all alone in the dark, or because their skirts are too short, or because they've made themselves "easy targets". They're often assaulted by people they've known for weeks, months, or even years. Many of us have learned to be aware and on guard when we're alone in public, or to stay with our female friends if we're out at a bar or a party. But when it's someone that we've formed some kind of relationship with, we may not be so focused on being defensive, and there seems to be a very large cultural gray area when it's someone you know vs. someone you don't know. Two of my very close friends have been sexually assaulted, and both of them were assaulted by men they knew (one of whom we all thought we knew quite well). Both of my friends experienced an array of emotions about what happened to them, including confusion over how they should feel about what happened, and guilt in thinking they should have done something differently. Neither of their attackers believe they did anything at all wrong. One incident was never reported, and the other was reported to university counselors and officials and nothing was ever done about it. She never pressed charges because the school gave her such a hard time about it, and because he was in a fraternity and a valued athlete. The fraternity brothers that helped her and got her to a safe place also told her that they couldn't give a statement on her behalf because "brothers stick together" or some *kitten* like that.
We need to culturally redefine what sexual assault is and what consent really means so that these large gray areas and normalizations no longer exist.0 -
I read through this thread earlier and wasn't going to offer my opinion, but I think maybe I should.
So far, most of what we seem to be talking about is a reference to the idea that women are usually attacked when they're alone, walking in dark alleys at night or unaccompanied in a dangerous part of town. These scenarios do happen. And I do think that learning self-defense and self-awareness is very important, not from a prevention standpoint, but because people really suck sometimes, and I think it's smart to have as many advantages as possible in a bad situation.
BUT self-defense and self-awareness aren't enough. Women aren't just assaulted while they're walking all alone in the dark, or because their skirts are too short, or because they've made themselves "easy targets". They're often assaulted by people they've known for weeks, months, or even years. Many of us have learned to be aware and on guard when we're alone in public, or to stay with our female friends if we're out at a bar or a party. But when it's someone that we've formed some kind of relationship with, we may not be so focused on being defensive, and there seems to be a very large cultural gray area when it's someone you know vs. someone you don't know. Two of my very close friends have been sexually assaulted, and both of them were assaulted by men they knew (one of whom we all thought we knew quite well). Both of my friends experienced an array of emotions about what happened to them, including confusion over how they should feel about what happened, and guilt in thinking they should have done something differently. Neither of their attackers believe they did anything at all wrong. One incident was never reported, and the other was reported to university counselors and officials and nothing was ever done about it. She never pressed charges because the school gave her such a hard time about it, and because he was in a fraternity and a valued athlete.
We need to culturally redefine what sexual assault is and what consent really means so that these large gray areas and normalizations no longer exist.
I am glad we are friends.0 -
*All of my children from the time we could communicate have learned that they do not go with anyone who they have not heard me or their father tell them it is OK to go with, and only on that particular occasion.
*If anyone makes them uncomfortable no matter WHO IT IS. Tell someone they trust like me, or their dad, teacher, or grandparent.
*If someone tries to take them Scream, kick, bite, scratch, push fingers into the eyes,let your body as limp as possible to make you harder to take (when they got older, and heavier), and yell Rape, b/c this gets the most attention quickly, and then start yelling out identifying features. Hair color, clothes, tattoos, scars, sex, anything they see!
* Don't allow anyone to get you to a second location.
*Stay with people don't isolate yourself. If you have to walk to your car alone put your car keys in between your fingers in a grip to use as a weapon on the face, and don't hesitate (not for a minute), and make a wide circle so you can see both sides of the car before you get in check the back seat, unlock only the door you are getting in on, and lock the door as you are closing it...then get settled in.
* ABOVE ALL ELSE KEEP CALM AND THINK!!!!!! FIND SOLUTIONS AROUND YOU ANYTHING IS A RESOURCE!!
I talk often to my kids about this. Almost every other day, and no matter how much I got" I know mom..... I know dad."... they now react without hesitation, or fear in bad situations. It is automatic for them.
So really the best tool IS TALKING ABOUT IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS!!!
(Can you tell I am a Cop's kid)0 -
If you have to walk to your car alone put your car keys in between your fingers in a grip to use as a weapon on the face
This is a myth of protection.
It is awkward and ineffective to put keys between fingers. It's better to walk, holding your key in preparation to put it into the key lock. If you were attacked, You can use it just like that more effectively. And it's true that the most effective way of defense is to go for the sensitive areas that hurt and cause the person to reflexively coil away, giving you time to get away. This is what I learned in self defense 13 years ago, anyway.0 -
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If you have to walk to your car alone put your car keys in between your fingers in a grip to use as a weapon on the face
This is a myth of protection.
It is awkward and ineffective to put keys between fingers. It's better to walk, holding your key in preparation to put it into the key lock. If you were attacked, You can use it just like that more effectively. And it's true that the most effective way of defense is to go for the sensitive areas that hurt and cause the person to reflexively coil away, giving you time to get away. This is what I learned in self defense 13 years ago, anyway.
Just one of the things I was taught growing up, and passed on to my kids. I hold one key between my pointer and middle finger, and I told them to use it to stab the soft pallet under the chin or the juggler.
OHHH! and don't loop bags over your wrist. Either hold them so you can drop them quickly or the bag needs to be big enough to put it up on shoulder. If someone attacks drop it, and run if you can! Screaming all the same as above.0 -
If you have to walk to your car alone put your car keys in between your fingers in a grip to use as a weapon on the face
This is a myth of protection.
It is awkward and ineffective to put keys between fingers. It's better to walk, holding your key in preparation to put it into the key lock. If you were attacked, You can use it just like that more effectively. And it's true that the most effective way of defense is to go for the sensitive areas that hurt and cause the person to reflexively coil away, giving you time to get away. This is what I learned in self defense 13 years ago, anyway.
Just one of the things I was taught growing up, and passed on to my kids. I hold one key between my pointer and middle finger, and I told them to use it to stab the soft pallet under the chin or the juggler.
OHHH! and don't loop bags over your wrist. Either hold them so you can drop them quickly or the bag needs to be big enough to put it up on shoulder. If someone attacks drop it, and run if you can! Screaming all the same as above.
Oh, yeah, the one key makes sense.
I was just referring to when people put all their keys between their fingers.0 -
One initiative is "just do anything"
If something seems wrong or out of place or feels icky about a situation, do something.
There tend to be a number of witnesses at the initial encounter in an incident of personal violence - the average is 12 - if somebody does ANYTHING at all, it can prevent it from happening.
http://www.livethegreendot.com/gd_overview.html0 -
It looks like you've got kiddos so I'd start or continue raising them to be respectful and mindful of others sexuality, like the commercial says "if she doesn't consent or is unable to consent then it's rape". In my metroplex there are awareness dinners that I've been too as well as volunteering in women's shelters as a lot of women and children in the shelters are victims of sexual assault. You talking about it is a great start, you definitely got the conversation going.
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make it normal to teach men and young boys about not raping about how they are in no way ever entitled to someone elses body
This.
Everything else is window dressing, this is the key point.0 -
One initiative is "just do anything"
If something seems wrong or out of place or feels icky about a situation, do something.
There tend to be a number of witnesses at the initial encounter in an incident of personal violence - the average is 12 - if somebody does ANYTHING at all, it can prevent it from happening.
http://www.livethegreendot.com/gd_overview.html
I think this pretty huge.
I don't think most people raise a child to be a rapist. But sometimes we do raise children to mind their own business to a fault.
At my sister's wedding, one of her bride's maids got plastered. A sober groomsmen kept trying to get her away from the group, isolate her - not many people "wanted to cause a ruckus" or "ruin the wedding". Yeah, who has two thumbs and doesn't care about "ruining" her sister's wedding with a "ruckus"? This girl. My brother in law told the groomsman to leave and he was embarrassed he had him stand up at their wedding. Nothing was "ruined" that night and the person who deserved the humiliation was humiliated.0 -
Castrate frat boys.
if only if only0 -
*All of my children from the time we could communicate have learned that they do not go with anyone who they have not heard me or their father tell them it is OK to go with, and only on that particular occasion.
*If anyone makes them uncomfortable no matter WHO IT IS. Tell someone they trust like me, or their dad, teacher, or grandparent.
*If someone tries to take them Scream, kick, bite, scratch, push fingers into the eyes,let your body as limp as possible to make you harder to take (when they got older, and heavier), and yell Rape, b/c this gets the most attention quickly, and then start yelling out identifying features. Hair color, clothes, tattoos, scars, sex, anything they see!
* Don't allow anyone to get you to a second location.
*Stay with people don't isolate yourself. If you have to walk to your car alone put your car keys in between your fingers in a grip to use as a weapon on the face, and don't hesitate (not for a minute), and make a wide circle so you can see both sides of the car before you get in check the back seat, unlock only the door you are getting in on, and lock the door as you are closing it...then get settled in.
* ABOVE ALL ELSE KEEP CALM AND THINK!!!!!! FIND SOLUTIONS AROUND YOU ANYTHING IS A RESOURCE!!
I talk often to my kids about this. Almost every other day, and no matter how much I got" I know mom..... I know dad."... they now react without hesitation, or fear in bad situations. It is automatic for them.
So really the best tool IS TALKING ABOUT IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS!!!
(Can you tell I am a Cop's kid)
Almost every other day?
I want balance. I want a healthy respect for dangerous situations, but I don't want my kids to live in fear. I don't want my daughters to be terrified of the dark, or of every person they meet.
I think there's a fine line between education and paranoia.0 -
One initiative is "just do anything"
If something seems wrong or out of place or feels icky about a situation, do something.
There tend to be a number of witnesses at the initial encounter in an incident of personal violence - the average is 12 - if somebody does ANYTHING at all, it can prevent it from happening.
http://www.livethegreendot.com/gd_overview.html
I think this pretty huge.
I don't think most people raise a child to be a rapist. But sometimes we do raise children to mind their own business to a fault.
At my sister's wedding, one of her bride's maids got plastered. A sober groomsmen kept trying to get her away from the group, isolate her - not many people "wanted to cause a ruckus" or "ruin the wedding". Yeah, who has two thumbs and doesn't care about "ruining" her sister's wedding with a "ruckus"? This girl. My brother in law told the groomsman to leave and he was embarrassed he had him stand up at their wedding. Nothing was "ruined" that night and the person who deserved the humiliation was humiliated.
Thank you for that.0 -
*All of my children from the time we could communicate have learned that they do not go with anyone who they have not heard me or their father tell them it is OK to go with, and only on that particular occasion.
*If anyone makes them uncomfortable no matter WHO IT IS. Tell someone they trust like me, or their dad, teacher, or grandparent.
*If someone tries to take them Scream, kick, bite, scratch, push fingers into the eyes,let your body as limp as possible to make you harder to take (when they got older, and heavier), and yell Rape, b/c this gets the most attention quickly, and then start yelling out identifying features. Hair color, clothes, tattoos, scars, sex, anything they see!
* Don't allow anyone to get you to a second location.
*Stay with people don't isolate yourself. If you have to walk to your car alone put your car keys in between your fingers in a grip to use as a weapon on the face, and don't hesitate (not for a minute), and make a wide circle so you can see both sides of the car before you get in check the back seat, unlock only the door you are getting in on, and lock the door as you are closing it...then get settled in.
* ABOVE ALL ELSE KEEP CALM AND THINK!!!!!! FIND SOLUTIONS AROUND YOU ANYTHING IS A RESOURCE!!
I talk often to my kids about this. Almost every other day, and no matter how much I got" I know mom..... I know dad."... they now react without hesitation, or fear in bad situations. It is automatic for them.
So really the best tool IS TALKING ABOUT IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS!!!
(Can you tell I am a Cop's kid)
Almost every other day?
I want balance. I want a healthy respect for dangerous situations, but I don't want my kids to live in fear. I don't want my daughters to be terrified of the dark, or of every person they meet.
I think there's a fine line between education and paranoia.
Yeah, actually I agree very much. I was abused. I don't want that to be a part of my children's lives. And that also means I don't want to make it a part of their lives. It's an ongoing conversation, such as sex education. It is one aspect. It is something we talk about at various stages, as they grow. But, I never make it a big aspect of their lives, thoughts, fears, worries. I let them be kids and enjoy life and people.0 -
I read through this thread earlier and wasn't going to offer my opinion, but I think maybe I should.
So far, a lot of what we seem to be talking about is a reference to the idea that women are usually attacked when they're alone, walking in dark alleys at night or unaccompanied in a dangerous part of town. These scenarios do happen. And I do think that learning self-defense and self-awareness is very important, not from a prevention standpoint, but because people really suck sometimes, and I think it's smart to have as many advantages as possible in a bad situation.
BUT self-defense and self-awareness aren't enough. Women aren't just assaulted while they're walking all alone in the dark, or because their skirts are too short, or because they've made themselves "easy targets". They're often assaulted by people they've known for weeks, months, or even years. Many of us have learned to be aware and on guard when we're alone in public, or to stay with our female friends if we're out at a bar or a party. But when it's someone that we've formed some kind of relationship with, we may not be so focused on being defensive, and there seems to be a very large cultural gray area when it's someone you know vs. someone you don't know. Two of my very close friends have been sexually assaulted, and both of them were assaulted by men they knew (one of whom we all thought we knew quite well). Both of my friends experienced an array of emotions about what happened to them, including confusion over how they should feel about what happened, and guilt in thinking they should have done something differently. Neither of their attackers believe they did anything at all wrong. One incident was never reported, and the other was reported to university counselors and officials and nothing was ever done about it. She never pressed charges because the school gave her such a hard time about it, and because he was in a fraternity and a valued athlete. The fraternity brothers that helped her and got her to a safe place also told her that they couldn't give a statement on her behalf because "brothers stick together" or some *kitten* like that.
We need to culturally redefine what sexual assault is and what consent really means so that these large gray areas and normalizations no longer exist.
this mentality is everywhere.0 -
I can avoid raping people and stopping when my SO asks me to.
I can speak up when I feel that someone is blaming the victim.
I can ask my female friends to be safe and aware when out alone or meeting new guys.
This is why I you. 0 -
"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."
so stupid. ....This is not an issue of men vs women. It's an issue of violence.
it is an issue of socialization, which was my reason for sharing the quote. boys and men have been and are still being socialized to fear rejection by women--that it makes them less of a man. in the extremes, some men would rather perpetrate violence against others to get what they want than take the ego hit that comes with not getting it. the culture we have permits--and, for unbalanced minds, encourages--this thinking error.
are girls socialized that if they don't get what they want, they are so much the less women? i think not.
ed for formatting0 -
They need to bring back the chastity belts
Hahahaha
Care to explain why you found that funny?
Because I have 2 daughters and have thought that very same thing.0
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