Open Relationships

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  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
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    The research on this subject reflects that, as long as both partners are fully on-board with being in an open relationship, they actually tend to report being happier than folks who are in monogamous relationships. But that's a big condition - BOTH partners have to be FULLY on-board. If one requests opening the relationship and the other agrees just to please their partner or for fear that the partner will cheat otherwise, then resentments, anger, disappointment, self-doubt, low self-esteem, etc can result. As with many foundational beliefs, it's important for both people in a romantic relationship to be on the same page about monogamy.

    Sidenote, on the phrase "have your cake and eat it too" - it actually means that once you've eaten the cake, you don't have that cake anymore. You can't both have a particular cake and eat that particular cake at the same time. Trust me, that one confused me for a long time :smile:

    I agree with this. Pretty much all of it.

    But I have to say, I don't know many happy people in open relationships. Hell, I don't know many happy monogamous couples, either. People who run around proclaiming how super happy they are rarely are. They just look like they're trying to convince themselves that they're happy.

    Just an observation and why I rarely discuss the makings of my own relationship. It's nobody's business, and it's hard enough to make work without trying to convince everyone that it's perfect. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship someone is in. Relationships require work.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Just an observation and why I rarely discuss the makings of my own relationship. It's nobody's business, and it's hard enough to make work without trying to convince everyone that it's perfect. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship someone is in. Relationships require work.

    Completely agree with this. My guy is here on MFP, and while we may completely have fun we never discuss our relationship (whether it's glowingly positive, or we have issues) with others. Here or in real life... That's just asking for trouble. If you're talking to others instead of your SO, what do you expect to be solved or helped? Or are you just bragging about his penis size?


    Ya know... just sayin. Makes no sense to me. Keep your private life private.
  • SheGlows
    SheGlows Posts: 520 Member
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    I don't think humans are biologically meant to be monogamous. It's a culturally enforced practice in my opinion. To each their own, just a thought!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    Relationships do take work, and people aren't perfect, and people make mistakes. It's not my business what choices others make in their relationships.

    I just tend to see my own mistakes more than my husband's. Because I think I make more mistakes.
  • KickassAugust
    KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
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    I was in an open relationship that ended in disaster.... with that said, I know some of the sweetest, most honest and loving couples that are as open as the day is long. It really depends on your definition of intimacy and fulfillment. Imagine this: some people are completely fulfilled by the idea of their partners being with other people, it excites them and actually promotes more open communication within the relationship.

    If it's not for you, or if you're plagued with jealousies and insecurities or if your religion and/or lifestyle doesn't support that choice the idea of adding an open relationship to a marriage or a relationship would be truly a sign of change, a disturbance in the force, if you will.

    It very much depends on the person/persons within the relationship created between them.....

    Why do you ask?
  • Organicgasm
    Organicgasm Posts: 592 Member
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    I don't think humans are biologically meant to be monogamous. It's a culturally enforced practice in my opinion. To each their own, just a thought!

    Does that mean we can be lovers, SheGlows??? ;)
  • Missfit35
    Missfit35 Posts: 75
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    Possibly...It can't be good no matter what.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
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    Can't really comment as I've not even been in a relationship the last few years never mind an open one. However, after a colleague nicely decided to update my relationship status on FB to "in an open relationship" I did get several congrats on it. Including 3 from relatives :huh:


    I say each to their own though and if it works for folks then more power to em.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.

    We've had friends that deployed and told their wives they could have "girlfriends" and do whatever they wanted together while they were gone but if they were with a man it was considered cheating. Once they came home the girlfriend had to go.

    I really don't think any one person can be everything that another person needs/wants.

    I disagree with this. Just like polyamorous or open relationships, it really depends on the person/persons involved. My husband and I have been together for 24 years and we fulfill everything each other NEEDS (not always what we want, but we can't always have what we want all the time). We are best friends and lovers and enjoy spending time with each other more than spending time with anyone else. I can't understand the concept of loving more than one person in a romantic manner at a time, but that doesn't mean it's wrong for other people, it's just wrong for me. My husband and I don't share and we don't cheat. That's what works for both of us, but it doesn't have to work for everyone.
  • CountryBabe75
    CountryBabe75 Posts: 120 Member
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    I have a hard time understanding this situation in general. If you want to be with other people why be in a committed relationship to begin with? I see it as wanting your cake & eat it to.

    Who the hell wants cake they can't eat??

    Especially with whipped cream ome top...

    I just want the icing. I'll eat the icing, you can have the cake.

    Do you like it straight from the container or applied?

    Hmmmm.....it depends.


    What flavor is it?

    Not sure ..rumor is it is a little salty

    Is there a separate forum for disgusting and desperate online sex chats perchance?

    Desperate, maybe, but I don't see what's disgusting about it. We're all adults here.

    Some adults don't want to hear about your bukkake

    I'm sorry you were offended by two adult friends trying to have a good time and lighten the mood. We aren't all prudes and don't take ourselves way too seriously.
  • SuperVixen2B
    SuperVixen2B Posts: 218 Member
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    i met my husband. I can't fathom having another man touch me, or another woman touch him.

    As far as friends and family, I would much rather stay home and do" nothing" with my husband than go out and do anything else with anyone else. There is a different bond with him then there is with anyone else, he is by far (along with our children) the most important thing in my life. And it's not just a sexual bond, If I'm happy about something, it's not the same if I can't share it with him, If I'm upset about something, he does what he can to fix that, and yes, he is the only one that can do that so completely. He can fix an unfixable situation. He's deceased and I feel like part of me is missing... because it is.

    I'm not judging, and I get it, to each their own and I'm happy for anyone that finds happiness, doesn't matter where you find it as long as it's not in a pipe or a bottle. But I did want to defend those of us that do think that one person can satisfy us completely for the rest of our lives.

    I've edited your post to make it my own, but I strongly agree with so much here.

    I was the same way about my husband. Being with him was all I wanted. We spent every minute not working, together. We enjoyed each other's company. I didn't go out with the girls, he didn't go out with the boys. We were everything to each other.

    This made me so sad because it's how I feel about my husband and I'm so scared of him dying - he's a bigger guy...like morbidly obese and whenever he's late getting home for work, or he's in the bathroom too long, or he's in bed later than usual on a Saturday.... my mind goes *there*, just for a second. I try not to dwell on it, but....it worries me.

    So, so, so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. :brokenheart: :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • JojoW8183
    JojoW8183 Posts: 540 Member
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    As someone who's in an atypical (D/s) relationship I have a different opinion than a lot of people. Most folks are bound by their beliefs (religious based), to each its own. First, sex does not = love, love does not = sex. They're two entirely separate things that are independently good and can be amazing when combined.

    Those that are poly actually have multiple relationships, I personally can't do that nor would I want to. With open relationships it's usually just a sexual thing, the emotional aspect between the partners is there but they can have sex with other people. Then you've got semi-open relationships, like my own. I can bring women home, I have a FWB type of relationship with a female. My arrangement with my husband is mutually beneficial even though he does not and will not sleep with other women; he gets to watch and engage with me. As long as it works for the couple, why does it matter?
  • Kaelakcr
    Kaelakcr Posts: 505 Member
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    What goes on between two consulting adults is of nobody else's business as far as I'm concerned. I doesn't affect my life in any form way or function. So if it makes them happy...cheers.:drinker:

    This obsession our society places on knowing the intimate details of other people's sex lives is bizarre. Mind your own and don't worry about your neighbor.

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  • Return_of_the_Big_Mac
    Return_of_the_Big_Mac Posts: 474 Member
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    repost.
  • Return_of_the_Big_Mac
    Return_of_the_Big_Mac Posts: 474 Member
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    But if I dont speak out against their sinful ways, it will destroy the institution of marriage
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    As someone who's in an atypical (D/s) relationship I have a different opinion than a lot of people. Most folks are bound by their beliefs (religious based), to each its own. First, sex does not = love, love does not = sex. They're two entirely separate things that are independently good and can be amazing when combined.

    Those that are poly actually have multiple relationships, I personally can't do that nor would I want to. With open relationships it's usually just a sexual thing, the emotional aspect between the partners is there but they can have sex with other people. Then you've got semi-open relationships, like my own. I can bring women home, I have a FWB type of relationship with a female. My arrangement with my husband is mutually beneficial even though he does not and will not sleep with other women; he gets to watch and engage with me. As long as it works for the couple, why does it matter?

    I like this. Thank you for sharing.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    As someone who's in an atypical (D/s) relationship I have a different opinion than a lot of people. Most folks are bound by their beliefs (religious based), to each its own. First, sex does not = love, love does not = sex. They're two entirely separate things that are independently good and can be amazing when combined.

    Those that are poly actually have multiple relationships, I personally can't do that nor would I want to. With open relationships it's usually just a sexual thing, the emotional aspect between the partners is there but they can have sex with other people. Then you've got semi-open relationships, like my own. I can bring women home, I have a FWB type of relationship with a female. My arrangement with my husband is mutually beneficial even though he does not and will not sleep with other women; he gets to watch and engage with me. As long as it works for the couple, why does it matter?

    So you're obviously the Dom, right?

    I mean, you bring women home and he can't touch. Not at all saying that's a bad thing, but it seems like this situation leans more to the control/power conversion than it does to polyamory.
  • teresamwhite
    teresamwhite Posts: 947 Member
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    She didn't say he COULD'NT touch, that he does not and will not sleep with other women. He may very well be the Dom, providing his sub with what she needs/wants.

    And if she is the Domme, then that is how their relationship works...
  • BigDaddyD72
    BigDaddyD72 Posts: 2,301 Member
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    All of my MFP relationships know about each other.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    She didn't say he COULD'NT touch, that he does not and will not sleep with other women. He may very well be the Dom, providing his sub with what she needs/wants.

    And if she is the Domme, then that is how their relationship works...

    I'm not saying anything about how her relationship works. I'm just trying to understand the dynamic.

    No need to white-knight, here.

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