Insults

That_Girl

After I had my daughter (like a month after) my mom said, "Are you going to lose the weight?" I said, I hope so. O_o Then she said, "Good, because you want to look like H's girlfriend and not his mother."

:laugh: She really is a bane to my self esteem, isn't she? Holy crap.

efalcon1

I feel a little releaved I am not the only one with insensitive parents and partners! My husband has constantly pointed out normal size women saying they are fat. Not very nice when most of the time they are smaller than me... I lose weight and he's still not happy as now more likely to find someone better. Can't win!

Then my dad said that they had started to get worried about my weight and said they were struggling to get their arms around me for a hug, charming. Oh and who wants a set of scales for a birthday present (unless requested) with the reason being "I think you are watching your weight" thanks dad!

rhan90

It makes me sad to hear so many people have been insulted by those that should support them - family and partners

I have struggled with my weight since I was about 9 and just started going through puberty (yes, ridiculously early, I know). My sister has had the same troubles. My mother's way of 'helping' and 'encouraging' is by being cruel and insulting.
'I really wish you would just control yourself and lose weight'
'Why do I have to get stuck with fat kids? I was never fat'
'All you do is stuff your face, you're such a pig'
And the most hurtful 'The other ladies at work were showing pictures of their kids today. I don't keep pictures to show them because I'm ashamed my daughters are so fat'

Yeah, she's a *****. My sister has it worse than me, mum has put her on shake diets and everything for the last 2 years (she's just turned 15). But then she'll go and buy a ton of crap food, her excuse being 'well, what if I want to eat something like that? I'm not the fat one remember'.

Now that I am losing weight, she's been making nice comments, but at the same time I can tell she's thinking 'yeah, she still needs to lose a hell of a lot more'. I am working on not caring about her opinion at all anymore. Whatever it is, it seems to be toxic. Thank God for my wonderful boyfriend who loves me and supports me, even though he does like big girls.

luckyprincessuk

The truth is babe your working hard and becoming more beautiful by the day, think how wonderful you will feel when you've reached you goal and secretly smile to yourself.
One thing I've noticed is when we do something wonderful for ourselves the man in our lives panics, change scares them.
So they try to undermine you in some way, mine thinks I'm going to get slim and find someone new. Lol
Maybe your man is having a panic, just keep smiling.

ashers1819

Personally, I am holding on for me to meet my goal and be smoking hot. Then the sarcastic remarks will stop from everyone.

I can see that a lot of people have had the same experience as me, which is nice to know.

I think people think that by saying things that are slightly below the belt, they are trying to spur you on... just not sure they are particularily good at understanding that it might not be perceived that way.

I've just lived by the ethos that you should treat others the way you want to be treated, maybe others need to learn to do the same?

I think luckyprincessuk might be right, maybe he is having a panic, and it all comes down to his own insecurities?!

Either way, I am going to just smile about it and surprise them all when I am in better shape than all of them, not achieved through fad diet or starvation, but hard work and determination!

We can all do this!

CARNAT22

my OH is naturally fit and toned and never has to worry about what he eats (he does work out a fair bit though!!)

When I mentioned going swimming tonight he said 'that is a good gentle exercise for bigger girls' - WTF - he got the 'look'

He swore blind he was talking about my friend (stil not a nice thing to say but she is a bit heavy with baby weight) but sometimes he does make silly comments.

It's ignorance more than anything else - he has never been in the position of having to control calories so he simply don't know how hard it is??

I won't let his ignorance drag me down though and I am determined to make this a good experienace for us both! I want to educate him about healthy eating and teach him how to cook! LOL

Cice

When I was a kid I was always very thin and when I turned 18 I just kind of blew up and gained a bunch of weight. Well it was the holidays and my uncle was visiting from out of town and when he walked in the house and seen me the first thing he said was "wow your HUGE!" and I was already really deperessed about my weight that it just hurt me so much. Family is not supposed to do that.

NYIceQueen

From an unknown woman at the airport a few yrs ago "So, when are you expecting?" (I wasn't pregnant, and she was heavier than me by quite a bit so whatever)

From my husband:
1. When asked why we weren't being intimate after he found out I was pregnant: "Well it's hard to not see you're pregnant."
2. Other of his responses: "I don't find you attractive." "You've put on weight." "You're not sexy anymore." "You've gotten boring." "_______ is way better looking than you are now."
3. When asked if I could borrow his 2 XL sweatshirt - "I think it'll be too small on you." (um, no it was too big)

From my mother:
1. "You're so fat it's a miracle your husband hasn't left you."
2. "You need to lose weight or he'll cheat on you."
3. "What happened to the beautiful girl I raised? You look terrible."
4. "You don't need to be eating so much. You're definitely not starving."
5. "Oh my God, go take off those shorts, look at your thighs!!"
6. "Don't work so much. You're sitting too long and your butt is getting spread out and bigger every day. If you keep it up, your husband will leave you and then how will you leave?"
7. "Do you need to take so many meds? You're just fat. If you lose the weight you won't be sick."

From relatives who saw my wedding pic (at 135 lbs...keeping in mind I used to dance professionally at 115)
"Wow, what happened to HER?" She's huge!"
From those that have seen recent pics "Guess she's not the pretty skinny girl anymore, huh?"

*sigh* :frown:

loushep

Whenever i lose weight i can guarantee that when my mom notices she will say "oh you're losing weight i better start dieting i can't have you being thinner than me". She always made me feel like it's a competition and she has to look better than me for some reason. I have my own children now and i would never make a derogatory comment about their appearance. I talk to them about health and nutrition and encourage them to be healthy and i am overjoyed that my daughter is prettier than i ever was and i will always tell her she is beautiful. I tell my sons that they are handsome too, the only way to instill confidence in children is to tell them how wonderful they are and to encourage them in their endeavours.

I also just wanted to say that reaching your goal weight will not neccesarily mean an end to all mean comments and automatically make life perfect. Some people thrive on putting other people down and if they can't say something bad about your weight they will find something else to pick on. To anyone who feels that reaching a certain weight will 'fix' everything i'm sorry to say this but it wont. Negative people will be negative no matter what you weigh. This is something i have to deal with too, we must focus on appreciating who we are and the good that we do and not let bad minded people bring us down.

NYIceQueen

On a side note, I need to be careful with my kids. My daughter is 9 and UNDERweight, and she's been getting sick a lot, and I'm concerned that she's been seeing me dieting and stuff and just doesn't want to eat. My mother's always praising how beautiful she looks, how skinny she is, etc. So I'm trying to focus on telling her she needs to eat balanced and eat some more to be healthy...calcium for her bones/teeth, proteins for muscle, etc. I think she's supposed to be at about 64 lbs at her age/ht, and she weighs 52 in clothes. She says she's not dieting, but she's always moving her food around, etc.

On the other side of things, my toddler's a bottomless pit and my parents gush about "their big boy" and I'm also worried about the double standard she's seeing. That's she's praised for being tiny and he's praised for being "big". (Which he is but not over....he's 90th percentile in weight, but 95th percentile in height).

nickyevans

Years ago I joined weightwatchers and slimmed down to a size 8 weighing 114lbs (I am 152cm tall), I came out of class really excited because I had got to my goal weight got in the car and told my then husband I had got to goal weight... his response was "You could still do with losing at least 7lbs". He also sat in a pub with me and our friends once and told them all his ex wife looked better naked than I did. Needless to say he is now my ex husband. On the day I left him he made a comment about how it was unfair that my new husband would be getting me thin and he never did - at the time I left I was a size 10 and quite fit.

Ironically far from getting me thin new hubby and I were so happy in the beginning just being together we stopped going to the gym etc and ate badly and both put on weight, but he tells me every day he loves me and I am gorgeous and he is sooo proud of my current weight loss.

NYIceQueen

Oh yeah, forgot to mention my mom wanted me to emulate my grandmother. Four kids, 88 lbs. She also didn't eat -- smoked all day, black coffee all day, one egg a day, maybe 3 shrimp. :laugh: Sooooo healthy

She even asked me why I didn't just purge like my dancer friends? "Mom that's not healthy". "Yeah, but they're thin!"

loupammac

As much as it is a throwaway comment, you still need to ask yourself if he's worth having around. Sometimes my boyfriend and I will joke about my tubby thighs or tummy but for the most part he's very vocal about his support and what he likes. Sure he'll comment about how "hot" some skinny girl is and mention that he'd love to see me in short shorts (I shudder at the very thought), yet, I know he loves me for who I am -- we've been together for a while and I've been too-skinny, average and "big" with him. The other day when we were enjoying some "alone time" he mentioned that what I'm doing at the gym is really working for me. It really made my day.

CARNAT22

Wow - I have now taken the time to read through this whole thread!!!

There a quite a few upsetting stories on here.

I am thankful that friends and family (and my OH despite his occasional silly comments!!) have all been nothing but supportive whether I was 110lbs or 153lbs..

To those that feel like they are 'alone' - remember that we all have each other for support and encouragement hey?

deeanne22

i saw my dad at christmas after 6 months to a year of not seeing him and he whispered am i pregnant as i have put on a lot of weight.

zoink66

Bump for later.
(although what I've read so far has been an eye opener that thankfully people in my life haven't been nearly as cruel to me as some others have experienced)

ashers1819

Oh yeah, forgot to mention my mom wanted me to emulate my grandmother. Four kids, 88 lbs. She also didn't eat -- smoked all day, black coffee all day, one egg a day, maybe 3 shrimp. :laugh: Sooooo healthy

She even asked me why I didn't just purge like my dancer friends? "Mom that's not healthy". "Yeah, but they're thin!"

God it's a good thing we all have each other. I am thankful for this site and for the people that use it, I think that positive encouragement is the only way to hit goals!

It is ridiculous how many obstacles we all face, as if getting rid of a few pounds wasn't already hard enough!

Missbluebird

My dad was also pretty hard on me when I was younger. He was a big believer in shaming and would call me things like Fat A** at family gatherings and in front of my friends. He would also make it a point to loudly question my food choices in public settings. To this day when I talk to him on the phone the first question is, "how much do you weigh now?" Although I consider myself pretty successful in all other aspects to him that is meaningless as long as I am overweight. I only talk to him twice a year now, his birthday and Christmas, and I have not seen him for 3 years.

In grammer school kids started calling me flab. That was just awful.

Luckily the people in my current day to day life are much more supportive and would never dream of insulting my weight. There are still random insults/looks from strangers but those are few and far between and I can brush those off.

jewelzz

Wow these are some really horrible insults,what are people thinking when they say that kind of stuff.what comes around goes around.keep your chins up !!!!

LaDiablesse

Sorry I gotta say it
AND YOU MARRIED HIM....holy crap I put up with alot but that would not be one of the comments I could just let slide. There would be a major slam back coming after hearing that comment....

Yeah, I know. I've asked myself that question before. I was going through a rough period in my life when it all happened. It was right after my family had lost everything to hurricane Katrina and it was a ton of stress and depression on top of my already low self esteem.