need some support! help...

helehcim

Ok first a little background. I was 273lbs, I'm down to 190. I was at 178, but that's another story.

So here I sit at 190 hating myself because except for the three months I managed to be at 178, I've been 190 for two years. I've given lip service to taking care of this, I have insisted I'm doing what I can but I was sooo tired so I ate, I was stressed so I ate, I was (whatever) so I ate. There was a different set of excuses for not working out. FINALLY i took a good hard look at myself and realized it was time to cut out some people and situations that caused me stress and made me feel bad about myself, and more importantly it was time to take 190 and subtract that from 273 and be proud of that! I lost a 5th grader!

So for the last four days I have rocked this weight loss thing! This morning I was feeling pretty proud of myself, four straight days, maybe I turned a leaf and got back on track. Usually I make it three days then some life crisis gives me an excuse to slack. So for four days I have tracked everything that crossed my lips, I have planned my meals, I have done abs every single day, swearing through gritted teeth to get it done, and Cardio every day, and every other day I did weights on top of abs! I was doing it!

Then the ex called at dinner time. Then a couple more texts from Mr Formerly-Wonderful. And I ate two dinners. I didn't even know why I was doing it, I just thought "wow I'm beat, four days of busting my *kitten* I can have a cheat day maybe, maybe I deserve this". Now I'm typing this in tears. I realized I ate that when he called. I was not starving for anything for the last four days, but at 6:18pm, one minute after his texts started, suddenly I needed to eat. I needed comfort.

Why can't i be strong enough not to let people upset me? Or if they upset me why do I have to stuff my face to force it down? I have somewhere I need to be and i keep going two steps forward three back! I am going back to school to get my nursing degree and I'd like to be 145-150 when I start working on my feet all day. My kids are waiting for their skinny mom to come out (although c'mon 273-190 =83 right? i'm a much more involved mom than i was three years ago). My Dad is slowly killing himself with food, my Mom has chronic back pain and hip problems from being overweight, I'm actually the healthiest person in my family - and I need to lose 40 lbs. I tell myself no more excuses, then I get reminded of a recent pain (seriously huge emotionally draining pain) and I eat two whole bowls of (delicious) Greek ground turkey spinach tomato pasta thing I made up? For what, a desert of self loathing? I'm so disapointed in myself. I wonder if I'm ever going to lose this weight. I wonder if the image in my head of who I want to be and what I want to look like is just wishful thinking. I wonder when I'm going to think I deserve good things and that i don't deserve to be alone. I wonder when I will look down and not hate what I see.

I've had setbacks before buy having about 100 of them in two years is starting to bum me out. Just a bit.

Heather75

Sweetheart, you need to stop beating yourself up and you need to take control. It's your life - stop reacting in a way that damages you. You aren't hurting anyone else.

You want to do this, so let yourself do it.

OSUalum

Ah Sweetie, don't beat yourself up! All of us are on here because we eat at times we shouldn't.
Just try to do your best to remind yourself that the best revenge on an ex is looking and feeling wonderful!
You've done great for 4 days... that proves you can do it. Just put a smile back on your face and get ready to start tomorrow in full force again.
Love yourself enough that you want to feed your body good healthy food. You deserve it!

And keep reaching out for help and support whenever you need it!
HUGS

helehcim

Thanks, I think just writting that helped. Not the kind of thing to unload on the kids, ya know? Boy I tell you what doing the eliptical for 30 minutes after eating all that is really going to suck, lol

johanna412

i have been where you are and were for a long time. lost weight just to put it back on after outside forces made me doubt myself. i had to learn to love what i saw inside myself before i could like what is inside. I have to admit that i finally had to take a long hard look at myself when my 5 yo said to me i wish you felt better mommy so you could play more. i have had my great days and not so great days. i just have to decide that Scarlet O'hara was correct that " after all tomorrow is another day". we all have to take it one day at a time. i agree with OSUalum the best revenge is looking good. keep your head up and you will do it....... fell free to friend me if you want to. good luck