i've had a emotional affair

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Replies

  • MellowGa
    MellowGa Posts: 1,258 Member
    Ok here is my 2 cents worth...

    I admit I am a horrible flirt, so is my wife. I been on here for a little over a month, and I have male and female friends, I try and be very supportive of both, and in my own flirty nature I try to be supportive and let people know they are beautiful.

    This site, a lot of people are down on themselves due to being over weight and trying to get to a new place in their lives, we are all here to get healthy and fit. Sometimes the flirting can go to far, but both parties must get a grip on reality.

    It's puppy love, like when you were a teenager, you know when the cute boy or cute girl flirts with you and you feel good about yourself, same thing but on an adult level. Everyone here gets caught up in it and sometimes it goes to far and you have to pull back as both parties agree and hopefully can be mature about it.

    Now for your situation, my recomendations, you and your husband need to have a long talk, I agree with others youa re missing something.

    This internet dude, does not need closure, you just need to walk away and stop chatting with him, he also needs to be a man, and leave you alone.

    Obviously you and your hubby have deeper issues, since he is able to walk away from the love of his life?? Unless he is doing it to simply cool off and gather his thoughts.

    You and your husband must work this out and seek counseling together and seperate. You fell into this emotional affair because you started feeling good about yourself and the person gave you some compliments, your marriage was not strong enough to handle this, so you need to decide what is broken and how to fix it.

    I'll put it this way, my wife is a pharmacist, she has customers hit on her all the time, her Delivery man, flirts with her and gives her hugs and tells her how much he loves her. She tells me everything and I laugh about it, I do not feel threaten by men asking my wife out or constantly hitting on her, she is a georgous woman, I accept it happens, but at the same time, I know she is a very good looking woman and I need to keep "the spark" alive...we have date nights, we have breakfast together, I constantly flirt with her even after 20 years, I tell her how smoking hot she is. I took her on a cruise for her 40th birthday, I am taking her to cancun for a romantic weekend in October, she also does things for me like dress up photoshoots, etc

    Anyway marriage muyst be a constant playful way of life, seek counseling, you need to court your husband back, he needs to court you as well, and you both need to trust each other and be honest with each other. You guys need to define your marriage boundries as a couple of what is acceptable and what is not.

    I wish you luck and I hope you both can repair your marriage and make it stronger.

    If the internet dude is reading this, do her a favor and leave her alone, plenty of georgous Single ladies on this board, chase them.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Everyone makes mistakes. It is not our mistakes that show our true character, but the lengths to which we'll go to rectify a situation.

    That's a total cop-out and one of the primary reasons people cheat ... they can somehow twist it around and act like it doesn't make them a bad person as long as they act remorseful and apologize and beg and grovel for forgiveness. Whatever.

    Making a promise and violating that promise absolutely indicates moral weakness and a lack of character, and all the apologizing in the world doesn't change that. And no matter what cheaters like to tell themselves, people do not change in that regard. Cheating doesn't get harder to do; it only gets easier.

    If you had young children, I'd say try to work it out, but it's obvious your wants and desires have jumped your marriage on your priority ladder, so you might as well move on.
  • Jennjenn1974
    Jennjenn1974 Posts: 350 Member
    This type of post is exactly why I do not have private conversations with men online... I wouldn't say anything to some guy in private that I would be ashamed to let my husband read. I pray you get your issues resolved and your marriage can be salvaged after this type of betrayal. Good luck to you.


    I could not agree more! And if I do have a private conversation with someone from this site or any site for that matter, I let my SO know who I talked to and what we talked about. I'm all about keeping the lines of communication open in a relationship and creating a safe, comfortable environment where my SO can feel like he can talk to me about anything.

    As a few other people have said were you really in love with this guy? Or just the idea of him? People have EA's for many different reasons. But most of the time it's because they are lacking something in their current relationship. Alot of people don't think there is anything wrong with have a little flirty, conversation with some guy/girl they have met online. But usually it escalates and quickly. Next thing you know you've added them to MSN messenger and then it's texting.

    The big question is, does your SO know? Or do you hide it or give an edited version of your conversation? "I talked with so and so today and we talked about kittens and rainbows" when you really had a chat about what it would be like to take a trip to sexy town for some sexy times.

    You need to ask yourself how would you feel if it was your SO having these conversations with someone else and hiding it from you? Knowing they were secretly texting, IMing, exchanging pictures, emails etc.. and not telling you about it?

    I have to say tho it's a huge step admitting that you made a mistake. And the only other advice I can give it so be open and honest with your husband. Answer any and all questions that he may have about the situation, no matter how awkward and uncomfortable it may seem. And as other people have said...get rid of the guy. Completely. Don't send him a goodbye or explanation note, it just opens the lines of communication again.

    Good luck to you and take care :)
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Yikes!
  • sbrown6
    sbrown6 Posts: 334 Member
    Yikes!

    That post has to be a joke. If not, yikes FOR REAL
  • morganhccstudent724
    morganhccstudent724 Posts: 1,261 Member
    bump
  • JStarnes
    JStarnes Posts: 5,576 Member
    If the internet and sites similar to this got you into trouble to start with...why are you back?
  • chrissyh
    chrissyh Posts: 8,235 Member
    Removing my comment- nothing nice to say and my mother always told me....
  • thumper44
    thumper44 Posts: 1,464 Member
    Yikes!

    That post has to be a joke. If not, yikes FOR REAL
    TROLL - DON'T FEED THE TROLL.

    Her account has already been deactivated.
  • NA_Willie
    NA_Willie Posts: 340 Member
    The Internet.

    Successfully destroying marriages since the early nineties.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    First time caught could be forgiven, but:

    "However, I needed to talk to my 'friend' again. After promising to not. I contacted him again- the husband found out again... (duh!) Now he (husband) has gone again. I have no idea what to do, I've been with him for half my life. I know it sounds stupid but i couldn't 'let go' of the internet guy yet. I needed to be with him... I can't explain why. Since the second blowup with the husband, I now have decided that i must not have communications with internet guy, but I do need some sort of closure. I DO LOVE him. "

    This is a little harder to get past, I would think. If you truly wanted to salvage your relationship, you certainly weren't showing it the second time.

    I'm not in any condition to preach. I flirt, compliment, have sent "racy messages", but never have gone any further and never will.

    Thanks for pointing out the potential damage I could cause to my own relationship.
  • Froggy1976
    Froggy1976 Posts: 472
    Yikes!

    That post has to be a joke. If not, yikes FOR REAL
    TROLL - DON'T FEED THE TROLL.

    Her account has already been deactivated.
    This was what I was thinking. No picture, joined in July, only one post. Why do people do that. For whatever reason, it works huh?
  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
    Yikes!

    That post has to be a joke. If not, yikes FOR REAL
    TROLL - DON'T FEED THE TROLL.

    Her account has already been deactivated.
    This was what I was thinking. No picture, joined in July, only one post. Why do people do that. For whatever reason, it works huh?

    Meh, maybe they created a 2nd account to post this one thing. This way, any RL friends and family they may be friends with won't know who they are.
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
    Yikes!

    That post has to be a joke. If not, yikes FOR REAL
    TROLL - DON'T FEED THE TROLL.

    Her account has already been deactivated.
    This was what I was thinking. No picture, joined in July, only one post. Why do people do that. For whatever reason, it works huh?

    Meh, maybe they created a 2nd account to post this one thing. This way, any RL friends and family they may be friends with won't know who they are.

    Yep, maybe they just needed to put it out there.
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
    The Internet.

    Successfully destroying marriages since the early nineties.

    I've always wondered if the divorce rate has gone up since the internet.
  • ziggiezed
    ziggiezed Posts: 36
    Not to be cruel but sounds like you went else where because you weren't getting it at home. falling in love with a bunch of pet name mumble jumble is unexceptable. you are setting yourself up for a brick wall launch.

    Communicate to your husband why u did what you did and express to him what you are looking for he is failing to deliver.

    rule # 1: NEVER EXCEPT A PET NAME FROM ANY MAN OTHER THEN YOUR HUSBAND.

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