jokes thread

hasiangirl

hey lets all get a good laugh in...I thought this one was rather funny

One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her.

"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."

hasiangirl

sorry to all the blondes out here

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does.

The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing.

He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?"

She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

hasiangirl

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.

"I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."

"Hell, no! In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."

MissNova

:laugh: :laugh:

xXmimiXx

sorry to all the blondes out here

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does.

The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing.

He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?"

She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

LMAOOOOOO

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hasiangirl

I no nock nock jokes. You like?

sure this thread is open to any and every joke :bigsmile:

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hasiangirl

Man with a wooden eye didn't have much of a social life. His was embarrassed to approach woman for fear of being rejected because of his wooden eye.

One day he goes to a bar to drown his miseries. He's sitting at the bar nursing a drink when he notices a woman at the end of the bar. He notices, too, that she has a hairlip. "Mmmmm" he thinks, "I bet she's experienced the same rejection as me over the years."

Gaining courage, he decides to approach the woman, maybe asking her to dance. The throws back is drink, places it on the bar and walks over to the woman.

Man: "Excuse me, would you like dance"

Woman: "Would I?"

Man: "Hairlip! Hairlip!"

And the man storms off.

The End.

:laugh: :laugh: wtf i dont get it

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hasiangirl

Man with a wooden eye didn't have much of a social life. His was embarrassed to approach woman for fear of being rejected because of his wooden eye.

One day he goes to a bar to drown his miseries. He's sitting at the bar nursing a drink when he notices a woman at the end of the bar. He notices, too, that she has a hairlip. "Mmmmm" he thinks, "I bet she's experienced the same rejection as me over the years."

Gaining courage, he decides to approach the woman, maybe asking her to dance. The throws back is drink, places it on the bar and walks over to the woman.

Man: "Excuse me, would you like dance"

Woman: "Would I?"

Man: "Hairlip! Hairlip!"

And the man storms off.

The End.

:laugh: :laugh: wtf i dont get it

Do you always laugh at things you don't get? :huh:

i always laugh so i guess i do....:laugh: :bigsmile:

Johnnyswife

Man with a wooden eye didn't have much of a social life. His was embarrassed to approach woman for fear of being rejected because of his wooden eye.

One day he goes to a bar to drown his miseries. He's sitting at the bar nursing a drink when he notices a woman at the end of the bar. He notices, too, that she has a hairlip. "Mmmmm" he thinks, "I bet she's experienced the same rejection as me over the years."

Gaining courage, he decides to approach the woman, maybe asking her to dance. The throws back is drink, places it on the bar and walks over to the woman.

Man: "Excuse me, would you like dance?"

Woman: "Would I?"

Man: "Hairlip! Hairlip!"

And the man storms off.

The End.

OMG! I had to read it twice to get it! :laugh: awsome!

czewwhat

Man with a wooden eye didn't have much of a social life. His was embarrassed to approach woman for fear of being rejected because of his wooden eye.

One day he goes to a bar to drown his miseries. He's sitting at the bar nursing a drink when he notices a woman at the end of the bar. He notices, too, that she has a hairlip. "Mmmmm" he thinks, "I bet she's experienced the same rejection as me over the years."

Gaining courage, he decides to approach the woman, maybe asking her to dance. The throws back is drink, places it on the bar and walks over to the woman.

Man: "Excuse me, would you like dance"

Woman: "Would I?"

Man: "Hairlip! Hairlip!"

And the man storms off.

The End.

:laugh: :laugh: wtf i dont get it

Woman: "Would I?" (Wood Eye) he thought she was insulting him! so he insulted her back and left!

Silly girl!

hasiangirl

Man with a wooden eye didn't have much of a social life. His was embarrassed to approach woman for fear of being rejected because of his wooden eye.

One day he goes to a bar to drown his miseries. He's sitting at the bar nursing a drink when he notices a woman at the end of the bar. He notices, too, that she has a hairlip. "Mmmmm" he thinks, "I bet she's experienced the same rejection as me over the years."

Gaining courage, he decides to approach the woman, maybe asking her to dance. The throws back is drink, places it on the bar and walks over to the woman.

Man: "Excuse me, would you like dance"

Woman: "Would I?"

Man: "Hairlip! Hairlip!"

And the man storms off.

The End.

:laugh: :laugh: wtf i dont get it

Woman: "Would I?" (Wood Eye) he thought she was insulting him! so he insulted her back and left!

Silly girl!

OMG HAHAHAHAHAHA I GET IT NOW!! HAHHAA:laugh: :laugh: i think im secretly blonde :ohwell:

czewwhat

Man with a wooden eye didn't have much of a social life. His was embarrassed to approach woman for fear of being rejected because of his wooden eye.

One day he goes to a bar to drown his miseries. He's sitting at the bar nursing a drink when he notices a woman at the end of the bar. He notices, too, that she has a hairlip. "Mmmmm" he thinks, "I bet she's experienced the same rejection as me over the years."

Gaining courage, he decides to approach the woman, maybe asking her to dance. The throws back is drink, places it on the bar and walks over to the woman.

Man: "Excuse me, would you like dance"

Woman: "Would I?"

Man: "Hairlip! Hairlip!"

And the man storms off.

The End.

:laugh: :laugh: wtf i dont get it

Woman: "Would I?" (Wood Eye) he thought she was insulting him! so he insulted her back and left!

Silly girl!

OMG HAHAHAHAHAHA I GET IT NOW!! HAHHAA:laugh: :laugh: i think im secretly blonde :ohwell:

I think it is not a secret, but not Blonde! Can anyone else figure out the secret?

hasiangirl

Man with a wooden eye didn't have much of a social life. His was embarrassed to approach woman for fear of being rejected because of his wooden eye.

One day he goes to a bar to drown his miseries. He's sitting at the bar nursing a drink when he notices a woman at the end of the bar. He notices, too, that she has a hairlip. "Mmmmm" he thinks, "I bet she's experienced the same rejection as me over the years."

Gaining courage, he decides to approach the woman, maybe asking her to dance. The throws back is drink, places it on the bar and walks over to the woman.

Man: "Excuse me, would you like dance"

Woman: "Would I?"

Man: "Hairlip! Hairlip!"

And the man storms off.

The End.

:laugh: :laugh: wtf i dont get it

Woman: "Would I?" (Wood Eye) he thought she was insulting him! so he insulted her back and left!

Silly girl!

OMG HAHAHAHAHAHA I GET IT NOW!! HAHHAA:laugh: :laugh: i think im secretly blonde :ohwell:

I think it is not a secret, but not Blonde! Can anyone else figure out the secret?

oh oh me me!! PICK ME!!! i can figure it out.....the secret is.........
.......................
...................
...............
...........
......
...
..
.
That I U!!! AND YOU ME!!!!! :bigsmile: am i the winner?!?!

czewwhat

guess again! hint, it is not world peace either.

chrissyh

Man with a wooden eye didn't have much of a social life. His was embarrassed to approach woman for fear of being rejected because of his wooden eye.

One day he goes to a bar to drown his miseries. He's sitting at the bar nursing a drink when he notices a woman at the end of the bar. He notices, too, that she has a hairlip. "Mmmmm" he thinks, "I bet she's experienced the same rejection as me over the years."

Gaining courage, he decides to approach the woman, maybe asking her to dance. The throws back is drink, places it on the bar and walks over to the woman.

Man: "Excuse me, would you like dance?"

Woman: "Would I?"

Man: "Hairlip! Hairlip!"

And the man storms off.

The End.

OMG! I had to read it twice to get it! :laugh: awsome!

me too that's funny!

hasiangirl

guess again! hint, it is not world peace either.

if i were jessica rabbit would u wub me then?? *puppy dog eyes* :laugh:

czewwhat

guess again! hint, it is not world peace either.

if i were jessica rabbit would u wub me then?? *puppy dog eyes* :laugh:

maybe, my daughters are all blondes! I think you had a different kind of moment back there! not a blonde one! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

hasiangirl

guess again! hint, it is not world peace either.

if i were jessica rabbit would u wub me then?? *puppy dog eyes* :laugh:

maybe, my daughters are all blondes! I think you had a different kind of moment back there! not a blonde one! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

blondes are cute and pretty...my oldest has blonde hair and my youngest i think is stuck with dark hair...but atleast they both have pretty eyes that arent caca brown lol...oi i sound shallow :laugh:

czewwhat

lol...oi i sound hollow :laugh:
[/quote]

right between the ears! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

hasiangirl

lol...oi i sound hollow :laugh:

right between the ears! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
[/quote]
lol thats why u tell ur kids not to do drugs or u'll end up brain dead like me :laugh: :laugh: :ohwell:

czewwhat

lol...oi i sound hollow :laugh:

right between the ears! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

lol thats why u tell ur kids not to do drugs or u'll end up brain dead like me :laugh: :laugh: :ohwell:
[/quote]

ding,ding,ding!!! you are the winner!