Self-esteem Help

mes1119

Write this down, photocopy it, paste it everywhere you go in your home, office, car, etc...read out loud numerous times per day until you belive it:

I like this, it is basically the biggest thing I think I battle with. I constantly compare myself to others and feel the need to b the "best." Being a perfectionist is not the greatest thing in the world. A habit I would LOVE to kick.

KimBerLaE

It sounds like you are already making very positive changes! Have you considered starting a gratitude journal? It can be helpful in shifting the focus to the many blessings in your life. The focus of the journal can even be on your personal attributes - the perseverance it took to finish your degree, the intellect required to graduate or external things like opportunity/access to higher education, the encouragement/support of others, etc. Often times we lose sight of the blessings we have been given and don't fully celebrate our successes. I believe that we can choose how we feel and that no one can make us feel sad without our consent. I think you are very wise to be speaking with a counselor. Many people just try to get by on their own. On a positive note, these experiences may enable you to have a great deal of insight as a therapist if that is your future career path.

elbandito

Doing things certainly helped me through my depression. I found that when I'd slow down, or stop, that my mind would wander to those thoughts that were less than welcome. So keep on doing things.

Also; find the things that really make you happy. For me, I love Daft Punk, it's the music I listen to to be happy. So if I slump, on with the headphones and I get the happy tunes up in my ear-holes. For you it'll be something else... but if it makes you happy, do it.

Exercise is AMAZING for self esteem. Not only do you get the rush of the exercise, you feel more awake, less lethargic, more in control. Your body takes on different (better) shapes, and you end up setting goals that you can achieve. I've gone from being a not-running-person to running 10k easily - all with the 5K Runner app on my phone. With the weight loss and muscle building I've done, I'm so chuffed with how I look now (and I acknowledge it's still FAR from where I want it to be, but compared to two years ago it's so much better).

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative... so do that. Get rid of those people that are a negative influence on your life. You don't need them. Also identify those 'energy sucking' kind of people and limit your time with them - you don't need that sort of drain. If they ask 'why?', tell them outright "I am not paid to put up with your drivel!". And once they're gone, hang out with the people who support you and make you feel good.

Those are some tips off my dome for you.

Keep in mind: ANYTHING you do to improve your lot is an improvement on yesterday. If you do even just a little thing to improve your self esteem each day, while it might feel like a long time, in 365 days you can look back at a completely different person and give yourself a pat on the back at coming so far and so fast. Like MFP, it's a lifestyle change. Embrace it.

Pocket_Pixi

Have you talked with a counselor? If you know you have lots of things to feel good about, but you still don't, it may be time to get some help working on cognitive behavioral therapy. Seriously. I had *kitten*-all self image until I started seeing my shrink. He helped me get through some totally insane crap and after ten years of applying the tools he helped me develop, I basically love myself more than any one person should.

Listen to this lady, she knows what she is talkin' about.

Seriously, my shrink helped me so so much.. I used to LOATH myself, seriously loath myself... I now only have days where I dislike myself and they are getting farther apart. My shrink has given me some seriously great tools to help me develop my self esteem, and while I am not where Miss K is, I know I will get there one day.

Also if you have some real negative self talk going on ask yourself if you would say it to your best friend, if you wouldn't than don't say it to yourself.

run344

Counselors are great. Something you can do on your own is 1. Focus on a goal and take "baby steps" towards it. i.e. for your weight loss goal do one day at a time. 2. A lot of people with low self esteem are very self conscious and compare themselves to others all the time. Realize that other people have their faults and insecurities just like you and that you are just as good as they are. 3. Try not "thinking about yourself" but think of something else: a hobby, a political cause, your job, a charity, etc. Find something that stirs your passion and immerse yourself. It's hard to feel bad about yourself if you are deeply interested in something else. This passion will take the focus away from you and send that energy outwards.
This is a good board for cheerleaders too! So consider yourself being cheered!

1. I love this whole thread b/c this is something I struggle with and it affects many of my relationships.
2. Love this response, I think she points out a lot of good things. I have noticed that when I get enthralled in my work (teaching Kindergarten/preschool), I go for hours without thinking about myself or comparing myself etc. It feels so good. I want to be able to feel like that all the time. An.other thing I do is spend time outside. It sounds lame but I love nature and have been known to go on walks in the woods by myself. It's restorative and just spending time with myself can really help. I never tell anyone about this because it seems strange for a 22 year old girl to be doing this but it's great and really helps reduce anxiety and bring me back to myself

shrinkinglily

Volunteer work in something that means a lot to me helps my self-esteem. It helps me get out of my own pit and realize there are others with greater struggles than my own. And at the very least you will be too busy and distracted to wallow. Good luck honey. I hope you find your inner love for yourself.

psixanwmalos

Get yourself a self esteem book. Written by professionals not a cheap one.

You can take some advice here: http://low-selfesteem.com/

Good luck

shammxo

Whenever I start complaining, I have a friend who says to me...

"Quick, name 5 things you're grateful for."

I also had a therapist that told me to tape a mantra to my mirror and get into the habit of saying it on a daily basis.

Like everybody else says... When you start to focus on other things, the self-esteem issues start to dissipate. For me, it's like realizing that I have all these good things in my life for a reason.. I'm not this terrible person that I perceive myself to be.
I think for some people, like me, we're always going to have some problems with it.. But it will get better with time.

Good luck!!

ebelliss

bump! this thread is great and everyone has awesome suggestions. i too struggle with self-esteem, and reading all the comments was really uplifting!