Advice please...guys point of view as well

almostatgoalweight

I think that he was just being honest, but if I was him I would have waited a while before saying it. Second date is just too early. But I have a question for you lot - suppose he gets into a relationship (not with the OP) and the sex is bad. He breaks up with her. Should he have said that the quality of sex is very important to him before he gets into bed with a woman?

MissAnjy

This is why he's single honey. He's clearly a SHETBAG!

Vragis

Usually I don't comment on these things but you made the homepage of MFP today and it caught my eye...

This guy is a piece of garbage and a disgrace to all men. I would suggest immediately telling him that you know the sex won't be good because the best sex comes with love and mutual respect. As he obviously doesn't respect you, it will be little more than animalistic rutting and, as you pointed out, there are "professionals" he can pay for such a service.

Di3012

I have been doing very well on my eating plan and thank you to all who have been helping to support me. Now, here is something thatcame up. I have gone one a couple (2) dates with a guy (who himself has lost 50lbs as well).. and he told me last night that he NEEDS to know if the sex is good before he has a relationship with anyone. I am not going to just give it up to a guy who says that sex is the most important thing. In a true relationship a person has to have communication (which we both do very well), trust, laughter, mutual respect....In my opinion, telling me he wants sex otherwise he will move on is pressuring me for that...

Now, if all he wants is sex...he can either find a regualr booty call who is as shallow as he is OR pay for it. If he truly wants a relationship, wouldn't he want to take at least a little time to get to know me better to see if we could have that friendship, fun, and mutual respect?? Keep in mind I am attracted to his guy...but I just don't want to make a huge mistake.

The reason I am asking here is because I trust you all. You have been helping me eat better, exercise, inspire and motivate me...but since I am an emotional eater, I felt the need to ask for advice and if I was crazy or he is being a jerk (or I could ponder about it while eating a package of oreo cookies....) I don't want to eat but this is taking over my brain and I think I am convincing myself that I am in the wrong when I am sure that I am not....

The bolded bit above.

Is that so, well just you go and tell him that YOU need to know if the relationship is good before you commit to any sex. See how he likes that!

Think seriously about this bloke and what he is really saying.

jcstanton

I have been doing very well on my eating plan and thank you to all who have been helping to support me. Now, here is something thatcame up. I have gone one a couple (2) dates with a guy (who himself has lost 50lbs as well)..and he told me last night that he NEEDS to know if the sex is good before he has a relationship with anyone. I am not going to just give it up to a guy who says that sex is the most important thing. In a true relationship a person has to have communication (which we both do very well), trust, laughter, mutual respect....In my opinion, telling me he wants sex otherwise he will move on is pressuring me for that...

Now, if all he wants is sex...he can either find a regualr booty call who is as shallow as he is OR pay for it. If he truly wants a relationship, wouldn't he want to take at least a little time to get to know me better to see if we could have that friendship, fun, and mutual respect?? Keep in mind I am attracted to his guy...but I just don't want to make a huge mistake.

The reason I am asking here is because I trust you all. You have been helping me eat better, exercise, inspire and motivate me...but since I am an emotional eater, I felt the need to ask for advice and if I was crazy or he is being a jerk (or I could ponder about it while eating a package of oreo cookies....) I don't want to eat but this is taking over my brain and I think I am convincing myself that I am in the wrong when I am sure that I am not....

One word....RUUUUUUNNNNN!!! Any man who will pressure you into doing something you're not ready for (or simply don't want to do) after only two dates, is clearly not worth your time.

MissAnjy

Usually I don't comment on these things but you made the homepage of MFP today and it caught my eye...

This guy is a piece of garbage and a disgrace to all men. I would suggest immediately telling him that you know the sex won't be good because the best sex comes with love and mutual respect. As he obviously doesn't respect you, it will be little more than animalistic rutting and, as you pointed out, there are "professionals" he can pay for such a service.

^^^ THIS!! Definitely this.

bcattoes

I think that he was just being honest, but if I was him I would have waited a while before saying it. Second date is just too early. But I have a question for you lot - suppose he gets into a relationship (not with the OP) and the sex is bad. He breaks up with her. Should he have said that the quality of sex is very important to him before he gets into bed with a woman?

I would think he should mention it ONLY if he's not willing to work on making the sex better if it's not great at first. Otherwise saying it is just going to add a lot of pressure which is not conducive to good sex. Assuming he actually wants a good relationship that includes good sex, a better approach would be to wait and see if the sex was bad. If it is, then he could relay how important good sex is to him and suggest ways they can improve it.

ShilohMaier

I can share my story with you. My husband and I were together for three years before we got married, and were celibate the entire time. Neither one of us were still virgins or anything (this is my second marriage, and he was a bit of a womanizer before he got saved), so it wasn't like we didn't know what we were doing- but the truth is, the sex sucked on our wedding night. He was in a hurry because he hadn't had any in three years, and I was self-conscious because he'd never seen me naked and I had loose skin from losing 140 pounds. BUT I guarantee if we wouldn't have waited and had sex before we had a committment, we never would've made it down the aisle. Based on our first time together, we both would've walked away if we were using the sex as a base- IF sex was going to be the most important part of our marriage. We've been married four years today, and through communication and genuine love for one another we've worked through it (are working through it... my husband still has some issues with the way my body looks, but he's getting better), and have a very satisfying sex life. We can talk honestly about it together because A) We KNOW each other and know how to communicate, and We know we are working on the rest of our lives together and not just "seeing where it goes". Our wedding vows included a little extra something at the end that our pastor threw in- "Divorce is not an option". And that's how we frame our marriage every day. We better work through it, because this is til' death do us part- no easy out.

dovetail22uk

What a turd!

disdatdude

I think it's an honest statement. However, it's not one that most people fess up to. Usually folks act cordial. Sometimes they will try to "mold" the person towards their likings or just settle. I would say that most of the time it's on the back burner and if the person sucks in bed you end up breaking up with them. How soon into the relationship does this come to light?

Would you be a happy camper if this guy turned out to be as big as a cigarette butt? What about if he could never enter the pool before finishing the race? What if the magic pills didn't even work for him? How about extreme body odor or some fetish? Truth be told, if this guy is the greatest guy in the world, but he has one of these issues...you're gonna bail on him, cheat on him or live an unhappy life. Sex isn't everything, but it does count and it is high on the list.

Don't worry. Us men have a list too, but I will spare you

You have to be honest with yourself or, just maybe, you've never been in a sexually satisfying relationship before? There are 1000s of women out there who haven't so it's nothing to be ashamed of. How do you think most relationships get to once or twice a month or just giving in when "duty" calls? Or the cheating starts? It's not always because the candy is presented that it's eaten. Sometimes it has been restricted from the diet and the perp knows what it's like to have had candy before.

Satisfaction is easier for a man to achieve, but it's still very possible for a woman to be lousy in the sack. Sometimes they just do crazy stuff that is a complete turn off. I mean, if people will break up over their partner leaving the toothpaste cap off of the tube, drinking out of the milk jug or leaving the toilet seat up...they'll certainly break up over crappy sex.

pudadough

Drop him.


People like this really skeeve me. I refuse to be test-driven like a car. Buy a hooker.