Love Stinks

songbyrdsweet

This morning I got to work early to get a head start, but someone was using the room I needed, so I had to wait. In the meantime I checked my e-mail and hopped in Facebook. There it was..."_______ is in a relationship." The ______ being my ex-boyfriend, who I dated for 3 1/2 years and just separated from in May. We maintained a friendship, but I thought something might be up because he hasn't been contacting me as regularly as he was several weeks ago. So here I am at work, sniffling and weepy. I don't even know why it affected me so greatly. I thought I was over it. I lightly dated a couple guys after him, and for the past couple weeks it's gotten more serious with one of them who really wants to be in a relationship with me. But I'm not ready yet. It's ironic because my ex thought I'd be the first one to move on, but apparently not. I'm not going to jump into a relationship or anything now to make myself feel better...this has made it very apparent that I'm NOT ready to do that. Now do I keep this to myself or should I share my feelings with the guy who really likes me? He suspected that I wasn't entirely over my last relationship, and I denied that, but I guess I just didn't realize that I'm not. I feel cruddy knowing my ex found someone who might give him what I couldn't.

The next relationship better result in marriage for the rest of my life or I'm never dating ever again.

JessiJean

You poor thing! I hope you will allow yourself to move on when YOU are ready :flowerforyou:

Phoenix_Rising

I'm in the same boat with you, darling.
It hurts. My therapist says it is HUMAN for it to hurt.

My vote: if current boyfriend could turn into something very serious, share with him. If he's worth his weight, he will care enough to be understanding. It was a long term relationship, of course there will always be emotion there.

1harleygal

You should totally share with your current boyfriend that you aren't ready for a serious relationship yet but would like to continue to date and see where it leads. If he is as understanding as you think then he will know you are worth the wait and time and stick it out with you!!

savvystephy

It's okay to hurt after an ex when they begin to see someone else. It's hard. I know if my most recent ex began to see someone I would hurt (mainly because I am still in love with him and we loved each other when we broke up, it was just situational circumstances that ended us [having to be in a long distance relationship for 3 years]). I would like to say that you are young and that if your next relationship doesn't lead to marriage, so what. You've learned more and lived and maybe the following one would. You should want to get married to the individual because they are wonderful and perfectly in sync with you, not date someone for marriage as an end result. I think it may put too many expectations on a relationship. But, that's just my opinion.

You will get over your ex. Being honest with your new love interest will set the tone for honesty in the rest of your relationship.

havingitall

I agree.. let the new guy know what is happening.

And whatever you do, don't give up on men. I had a not too great marriage for 10 years. We divorced and I dated a few men who were absolute duds. I gave up on men completely and then along came Ben. I couldn't have asked for a better man. We just celebrated our 5th anniversary on Friday and I wouldn't change him for the world.

The good ones are out there, you just have to be patient.

vanimami

I'm so sorry that happened. I would be pretty hurt too, if I was in your shoes. If you're not ready to date, just let the new guy know because it seems to me he's not the one for you. Don't give up on love, though, I know it sucks and it hurts, but you'll be ok and find someone that you were meant to be with :flowerforyou:

Phoenix_Rising

I agree.. let the new guy know what is happening.

And whatever you do, don't give up on men. I had a not too great marriage for 10 years. We divorced and I dated a few men who were absolute duds. I gave up on men completely and then along came Ben. I couldn't have asked for a better man. We just celebrated our 5th anniversary on Friday and I wouldn't change him for the world.

The good ones are out there, you just have to be patient.

Thank God for women like you to encourage those of us who have only been with those 'duds', as you so nicely put it.

annekejohnson

I'm hurting right now too, just out of a madly in love relationship and I have been self destructing for the last six weeks. Good news tho, it has resulted in me beginning a 90 day self improvement kick, quit drinking, smoking, carbs and sex and back to the exercise room. Other good news, over the past six weeks I lost the 20 lbs I gained while I was with the krispy kreme worker...

chrissyh

Sending you a hug.....

dlestermfp

Not all guys are the same, and your mileage may vary, yada yada yada, but in the early stages of any relationship most guys are not going to want to hear about all your emotional baggage. That is the fun 'getting to know each other' stage (emphasis on the fun part of that sentence).

If you are ready to date, then date. Go out, have fun, dazzle him with your intelligence, personality, smile, and dare I even say 'new thinner body' from the work you have done here.

Don't chase him away by taking an emotional dump on him.

kimber607

I think it's just going to make the new guy feel bad to tell him flat out you still have feelings for the ex
If u don't want anything serious with the new guy I would break it off and tell him you just aren't ready..too soon since your last relationship

songbyrdsweet

Thank you all a TON.
I got to spend some time alone with my cells (that's my job LOL) and I feel better.
The new guy has been through a divorce and is very understanding of my situation. He isn't rushing me at all, just letting me know that when I'm ready, he is too. I'm just wary of putting myself out there again. I have a really hard time letting people in and usually will shut down if I feel threatened at all. That's part of why this bothers me so much...someone else has deeply affected how I feel, and I hate the feeling of not being in control.
That said, I'm certainly not going to cry and sob to the fellow who's currently interested in me. I hate crying. I'd just let him know that it had a greater impact than I expected and ask him for his thoughts.

heather0mc

:flowerforyou:

strongandfit

Sorry hun that you're in pain. Social networking sites are the worst in that regard. Seeing "in a relationship" on FB must have really hurt. You're 22. So the 3 yrs you were with your ex was your first big relationship I guess. Take a bit more time. Your pic looks so strong. You'll get through this. You weren't the one for him and he wasn't the one for you. One day you'll find the one. Love doesn't stink. One day you'll find the One.

songbyrdsweet

Sorry hun that you're in pain. Social networking sites are the worst in that regard. Seeing "in a relationship" on FB must have really hurt. You're 22. So the 3 yrs you were with your ex was your first big relationship I guess. Take a bit more time. Your pic looks so strong. You'll get through this. You weren't the one for him and he wasn't the one for you. One day you'll find the one. Love doesn't stink. One day you'll find the One.

Yea it was my first and only serious relationship, and it was reallllllly serious for a while (looking at rings at about the 2 year mark :ohwell: ). I keep reminding myself that we separated for a reason. I just hope I don't have to keep going through break ups before I find the real thing. I'm to scared to take a risk now, but I don't want to end up living alone for the rest of my life with just my furbabies. :ohwell: