Am I the only one who GAINED weight during divorce??

BeckySue1977

Like a poster said earlier: Divorce sucks!
I was really lucky that my mom pushed me (demanded basically) to see a counseler when my husband announced that he wanted a divorce. I think my mom was hoping that counseling would help us get back on track. I asked the therapist if he wanted to see me alone or both of us (my husband was willing to go because he thought I needed the help... hmmm...). I ended up going alone and cried through the first session.
After a couple of sessions some of the things he was saying and pointing out sank in. I decided to cast off the old and slip into a new me, the real me. Sounds silly, but I went home and threw away every piece of clothing my husband had picked out for me (I had never felt 100% comfortable in them, but wanted to please him so I wore them), then went shopping. I came home with things that reflected me, the real me, and made me feel happy to wear.

I absolutely hated sending my kids with their dad for the weekend. He is an increadibly irresponsible parent and my kids were only 4 and 6 years old at the time. I would cry when they were gone and worry about them the whole time. And yes, the ice cream would come out, and the super-size fast food meals...
Right at the beginning of my divorce I lost weight. It was 3 months before my ex took the kids for even one day, so I wasn't eating the same. Then when he started taking them for the whole weekend I would spend those weekends eating and laying on the couch with a book. Eventually I realized that this was my time for me and I was wasting it.
How many times had I wished that I could have time for myself over the years? Too many to count! And here I was getting time to myself and I was throwing it away. Sheesh!

I guess we all cope differently and we all have to go through the various phases of coping. You will go through your phases and have to figure out what works for you.
What do you want for yourself? What do you want your kids to see?
I'm hoping that you want your kids to see how strong you are and that you won't let this break you.
I'm hoping that you want your kids to see that even though you cannot make other people do the right thing, you can control how you react to circumstances.No matter what terrible thing your ex-husband does, you can hold your head up and know that his actions cannot pull you down (unless you let them).

Look inside yourself and see if you can't find the woman you want to be and the woman you want your kids to see.

MayberryMama

You all have inspired me so much. I can't thank everyone enough for the encouragement and for just sharing your own stories. There are so many great people out there who have survived and are even thriving and it really helps to get some clear perspective when you feel so low.

Guess what I just did? I just signed up to run a 5K on October 20th in the competitive catagory for my age! It's 50 days away and I have totally lost my momentum thanks to sitting on my butt in a pile of snotty kleenexes and twinkie wrappers, :grumble: but I think I can get back up to speed by then. Even if I don't place, I will at least have a goal in front of me and when it's all over I will have done something good for myself that I can be proud of.

Plus - it will set a good example for my little girls!

And I have a friend going to the final court hearing with me on Friday morning and she and I are going to a salad bar for lunch afterwards so I won't have any chance to make a dozen stops at fast food and Starbucks.

Sthrncupcake

I gained about 30 pounds when I was going through my divorce...I guess it was emotional eating...it was my comfort....Girl, you can get through this!! And GREAT on you signing up for the 5k...my first one is this Monday ( Ekkk!)

Celestialfairie

I think it all depends on people, and what situation they were in leading up to it.

Me? I was miserable. Depressed. On medication. Hiding in a dark room all the time. Didn't realize it was marriage issues so never really thought of it. Of course I wasn't gaining weight or anything.

During the separation I figured out a lot about who I am and how I feel. I actually started eating. I decided that I liked food, too. I was literally starving my body and I know it.

So during the six months between separation and final divorce, I gained 35 pounds. That's what I'm trying to lose here. I've gotten down nearly 25 of them, honestly. The last ten are just so hard to lose, but now I'm toning up so I'm not as focused on it.

But yeah... I celebrated my divorce by barely fitting into my clothes. In the end you'll get through things, and you'll get to where you would like to be. For me it was a complete lifestyle change on top of a complete lifestyle change I had already made. But you'll get there. We'll all be rooting for you!

misalillstead

.Guess what I just did? I just signed up to run a 5K on October 20th in the competitive catagory for my age! It's 50 days away and I have totally lost my momentum thanks to sitting on my butt in a pile of snotty kleenexes and twinkie wrappers, :grumble: but I think I can get back up to speed by then. Even if I don't place, I will at least have a goal in front of me and when it's all over I will have done something good for myself that I can be proud of.

Plus - it will set a good example for my little girls!

Congrats on the 5k!!! It will do your girls good to see what a strong mother they have! Emotionally... and Physically! You got this!

mfoutch86

I went through a divorce two years ago. I never once imagined I would be a single mom at 23 with two children, one of whom was an infant, and the other a special needs child. I was scared and had no earthly idea what the hell I was going to with myself, let alone two small children. I think I allowed myself to wallow for 3 days. Being a single parent is the hardest thing I have ever done. After 6 months of the kids not seeing their father, he began visitation again. I decided that every time the kids got picked up, I would go for a walk. I think you should try that. Each day that they are gone, you go for a walk. It doesn't matter how long/ fast at first, just make it a new habbit.

Friday is the first day of your new life, go celebrate it! I went out to dinner with my friends and we even had a toast to my new status as SINGLE! Exercise is free therapy! I couldn't afford a therapist on top of a laywer, so I did the best I could. I promise you, life DOES get better after this. It sucks right now, and you have to relearn everything, but one day you will love this life, and wonder how the heck you managed to stay married to that guy for so long. Today I am thankful that my ex filed for divorce, I didn't have the courage to do it because of the kids. It's a great excuse to reinvent yourself- from the inside out. It can be fun and liberating to have a fresh start where YOU call all the shots. And free time away from the kids can be AWESOME after you get used to it!


You had your time to be sad, now its time to focus on your new life. Be sure to smile and thank your ex after the hearing!

Kenzietea2

I haven't been through this, but reading your post made me want to slap the *kitten* out of your ex husband. All I can say is eating crap (not to mention gaining weight) is only going to make you feel worse. If you can, just try going for a walk at first. You made the right move by joining MFP so be proud of yourself for that. Try not to blame yourself for anything, either. I am sure you know all this already but hearing it again can only help (I hope). I am so sorry for what you are going through. Try (for your children) to be a good co-parent with your ex and any bitterness you have towards him, ***** to your girlfriends, not your kids. They will realize all their own he is an ahole, so no need to be the bad guy by being the one to inform them. They will figure it out, trust me.

juicygurl1

NO, you are not the only one who gained weight during a divorce

xoalyssaox

I gained 50 pounds during the 2 years it took me to get divorced. You are not alone, but it get's better. You will get back to where you want to be. Take your time, and when your ready you will get back in the game

digitalyssa

Hey you're young and you have your whole life ahead of you! We can do this together I've been really damn hard break ups and although I couldn't eat, I do understand emotional eating.

Hang in there! It will get MUCH better.

VogtAndrea

When I went through it, I gained alot of weight. When my daughter died, I gained a whole lot more. Now I'm trying to get my health back in order and live the life that I'm capable of having if I work at it.
I'm an emotional eater so I get it. But what you have to know is that the calories are NOT your friend. They're just a necessary evil at this point.
Just get the stuff that's bad for you and tuck it to one side or to a cupboard that you don't like to reach for and get at it. Make your salad while you're trying to think of what to have for that meal. When you're seriously craving, make sure you have some good higher protein foods around that aren't high in calories and a pair of walking shoes or runners and some tunes with a good fast beat to walk to or jog to or dance to and blow those blues away with exercise.
The best revenge in the whole world is for you to fix the depression, work with your kids to keep them well balanced and strong, to make yourself healthy and to be happy.
You can't fix what's happened except to make yourself strong, healthy and happy. Make a list of things that you enjoy doing. Use it to choose what you can do now, will do later and get on with things starting with a visit to your doctor to get an okay to do them. And get on with making things better for you rather than sitting at home and feeling sorry for yourself. It's amazing how it works.

hotmasha

There's only one person who matters in all of this: You. You may have some psychological challenges right now and seeking help from a professional counselor could help. So could trusted friends and family, if you can share with them. We're glad you're looking for answers. You're worth every ounce of effort and attention to be a happy and successful person and can make this happen!