2 herniated disc with no relief. Advice Please!!

TonyaMeadows

Last year my L3 herniated but from L4 the rest of the way down...nothing there but bone on bone. I have a deformed vertebrae which is not only cutting the muscle but pulling out a nerve. HIGHLY allergic to 95% of pain meds available. Chances of surviving anesthesia before they even begin surgery is 25%. In constant pain, can only sleep on my right side, walking more now but very limited. Exercising is out. Stretching is a joke because I can't even stretch without screaming or crying. I am on 1500mg Robaxin 3 times a day and it is starting to not work as well as it used to. If I don't have it, my left leg pulls up where my heel touches butt and I can't straighten it on my own and it feels like someone is pulling the entire muscle from toes to shoulder out. Taking Diclofenac 75mg twice a day as well. Was first on patches but no insurance makes it hard to pay for them. The pills work and are how I am back to walking a little with a cane, but having the patches right over where it hurt was great for easing pain faster. Taking Neurontin 300mg 3 times a day to help with pain as well as I was having shooting pains into my brain straight up my spine when I tried to put weight on my left leg. I was actually told there is no hope for me where I live by a therapist. I am going to a different hospital and doctor now, but can't afford the neurosurgeon fees yet. On top of numerous allergies to medications, I have severe food allergies as well. I gained weight because of surgeries from the 80s and 90s. They had meds then I could take and be given then but thanks to pharmaceutical companies and dope addicts, those are not used or off the market in the US. There is this spray and roll on pain reliever that I get from WalMart called Max-freeze that helps when pain gets bad and I want to sit up or be up walking or basic life stuff. I do some things but for the most part if I do the next day or 2, I am laid up in pain. My doctor wants me to loose weight and start riding a stationary bike. I want to loose weight too and have some, but on top of these things I have 4 other health conditions. I pray and have faith every minute. {I am not promoting any religion just saying what I do. I know most everyone has a higher power they believe in and it more than likely is different than mine and that is fine with me.} I have been told since I was 14 years old I was going to die and there is no hope for me. That has been for the last 28 years. I am living on faith and borrowed time for sure. It has been 5 years come October 23 since the last time I was told I was going to die. I was told I had 6 hours to live and I proved them wrong. Now it has been a year since I was told there was no hope and if I didn't risk death to have surgery then I would not continue to walk. I am not saying I can walk much, fast or far but I am walking. I am slimming down but not able to loose the weight that I want to because I can't move enough daily. I keep looking for advice myself and still see everything that I can't do being said. I try to maintain portion control and have to force myself to eat to take meds because i am not always hungry. I have found that 5 small meals for the meds helps compared to the 4 small ones on a diet plan I was on. I have also found using different words instead of diet, and all negative type words help as well. I have found that on my really bad painful days that it is easier for me to be thankful for the pain than not. I am very thankful I wake up everyday and thankful for the pain because it proves I am still alive and fighting to be. I have too many friends that are not able to do that. I don't know if this will help anyone at all, but I hope that at least one little part of it does. I am here on a mission or I would have died long ago. I know if I allow what I am told to be true, then I will die. I don't say that I can't handle the pain. I do say I am going to beat the pain or pretend it isn't there. I can survive even though they have said I can't. I can change my eating habits and stop dieting because being on a diet makes me feel hungry and restricted. I can share my pain and my story so that it can be changed when someone else reads it and it helps them step back and look at their life differently. Hopefully it will help them see that they can deal with what comes at them, they can change what they need to. They can do anything they want to as long as they have faith in themselves.