Dealing with a coworker who always offers food!

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Replies

  • timbocf
    timbocf Posts: 1
    just eat it.


    I like the suggestion to offer her your own food. I'm sure she would LOVE to have a bite of rice cakes or carrots.
  • lallaloolly
    lallaloolly Posts: 228 Member
    Whoa, guys... NEED to get nasty? Throw food around? Really? While I totally understand the OP (used to face same temptations in the office), our problems with food are our problems, no need to take them out on other people who are just being nice in their way. Imagine someone who does not have a problem with food but just does not feel like this cake or whatever she's sharing - it's a simple "no thank you" and everyone's getting on with their day. All those emotions involved in daily situations like this are indicators of the food problem, - again, not the sharing person's problem.

    ^^^ thank you. i realize some of you are trying to be funny, but what is the point in offering advice that is designed to escalate this into a bigger conflict? just say "no, thank you." there is no need to explain why your answer is no, and clearly this person's habit of sharing is so ingrained that it is automatic. you can't control people around you, you can only control how you react to them, and why not choose the reaction that takes the least toll on both yourself and others?
  • PLUMSGRL
    PLUMSGRL Posts: 1,134 Member
    I have co workers from other countries. In many cultures it is customary to offer others some of your food, and it is also considered an offense if someone refuses. I've learned it doesn't hurt a bit to say "that really smells good, maybe just one bite". That makes them happy and me satisfied. One or two bites does not undo your diet (unless you're doing something weird for the short term), and if you bring a little extra of your snack (nuts, fruit, veggies and humus, whatever) and share with them. This leads to a happier working environment!
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    Be like "yes! thanks!" then pretend to eat the food by opening your mouth and slowly moving the donut past the other side of your face and then let it fall onto the ground where hopefully a dog will immediately eat it without her noticing
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    go to HR.
    tell them you feel "harassed" by this persons culinary offerings.
    the word "harassment" is such a hot button word these days. no one wants to fck with that.
    it'll work. trust me.
    some chick went to HR on me...told them she felt "harassed" by my touching her *kitten* all the time.
    well guess what....it worked. i stopped.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    go to HR.
    tell them you feel "harassed" by this persons culinary offerings.
    the word "harassment" is such a hot button word these days. no one wants to fck with that.
    it'll work. trust me.
    some chick went to HR on me...told them she felt "harassed" by my touching her *kitten* all the time.
    well guess what....it worked. i stopped.

    Actually I change my advice, sexually harrass her. I bet she will stop.
  • Alpina483
    Alpina483 Posts: 246 Member
    Some responses are meant to be light-hearted humor. The "throw it on the ground" comments are a reference to a sketch from SNL.

    oops ) frankly, i have no idea what SNL is, let alone the sketch.
    but the OP's emotions sound very real, and need no encouragement i thought.
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
    Whoa, guys... NEED to get nasty? Throw food around? Really? While I totally understand the OP (used to face same temptations in the office), our problems with food are our problems, no need to take them out on other people who are just being nice in their way. Imagine someone who does not have a problem with food but just does not feel like this cake or whatever she's sharing - it's a simple "no thank you" and everyone's getting on with their day. All those emotions involved in daily situations like this are indicators of the food problem, - again, not the sharing person's problem.

    I agree completely. And also, don't unnecessarily piss off the people you have to work with. Then you just have to come to a hostile work environment every day.

    So, what you're saying is, it's ok for someone to ignore your wishes to not be offered food, and continue to harass you about it day in and day out even though you told them to stop? Isn't that already a hostile work environment? When you dread going to work on a daily basis because someone just won't stop bothering you?

    Sometimes a "bad" attitude is the best attitude. Sometimes you have to be blunt and just tell them to back off. The OP is already at the point where they want to just scream at the top of their lungs at the person that just won't stop offering food. IF you want to do it the "proper" way, tell the person to stop (which is already been done), if they don't stop, discuss it with your immediate supervisor, if nothing is done at that level then take it to the next level and/or HR. IF you don't want to go through all the steps, politely ask them to stop, if they don't, take the food and throw it away in front them. If that doesn't work then I would suggest:

    ostrich-vs-elephant.gif
  • spiregrain
    spiregrain Posts: 254 Member
    I have an medical condition that restricts my diet in a very very strict way, and I have this problem a lot whenever I am a guest. Somehow, people seem to think that if they totally forget about my restricted diet until all the food is served, then run around like a chicken with their head cut off as soon as they see me, drawing huge amounts of attention to my "weird" medical problem, and rope several other people into the frenzy of "looking for something I can eat" despite the fact that I am begging them "don't to worry about it, I don't even think about it, look, I brought my own food that I love, really, it's fine, please calm down", that ALL THAT will somehow make me more comfortable as a guest than if they just said, "okay, you brought stuff you feel safe eating? Cool! Let's talk about the wedding tomorrow" or whatever. But, if there are any food pushers out there, I want to say for the record that it just makes people like me feel like we are a huge problem! I just want to quietly eat my weird little tupperware meal in peace and hope no one notices.

    Food pushers like the one you describe drive me crazy, too. People have been raised to think LOTS of things are polite, apparently. You know what I think is polite? Respecting other people's boundaries, especially when they have undertaken the sometimes daunting task of explicitly telling you what those boundaries are and how you can respect them.

    Not surprisingly, I don't agree with the "thanks but no thanks" approach. You are obviously struggling with the repeat offer so thanking her for offering seems inappropriate. That says, "I like it when you offer me food, but I will not eat the food you offer me." To the offerer, this is probably the best deal ever! They get all their food plus major credit for being a wonderful person (never mind that they are very clear that they are pressuring you in ways that you have told them make you uncomfortable). And, I see that some people are saying that a stronger rejection might jeapordize your work relationship -- but isn't that already happening due to her repeated messing with you about it? The only thing I can imagine that would be effective is to calmly say, every time, "No offense, but the offer is not appreciated." That way you do nothing to reinforce the behavior, but you also do so fairly gently, and you're saying it's not a rejection of THEM but just of their constant offer of food.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    go to HR.
    tell them you feel "harassed" by this persons culinary offerings.
    the word "harassment" is such a hot button word these days. no one wants to fck with that.
    it'll work. trust me.
    some chick went to HR on me...told them she felt "harassed" by my touching her *kitten* all the time.
    well guess what....it worked. i stopped.

    Actually I change my advice, sexually harrass her. I bet she will stop.

    yes yes!!!
    take the food...eat it like you're trying to give it an orgasm...and stare at her boobs the whole time.
    you should only have to do this once.

    problem solved.
    well done, lobster!
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member

    problem solved.
    well done, lobster!

    ANOTHER ISSUE VANQUISHED BY TEAMWORK
  • Alpina483
    Alpina483 Posts: 246 Member
    Sometimes a "bad" attitude is the best attitude.
    So true. A little nasty goes a long way. Only the OP can tell though if the situation is as desperate as you described, or is the coworker just being automatically polite as most people here understood her to be.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member

    problem solved.
    well done, lobster!

    ANOTHER ISSUE VANQUISHED BY TEAMWORK

    high 5!

    now let's get outta here and go help others!!!!
  • Skeels
    Skeels Posts: 929 Member
    Poke them in both eyes
  • spiregrain
    spiregrain Posts: 254 Member
    I also think anyone who offers you food off the plate they are eating off of had better be a really good friend. Otherwise... this person has boundaries issues, and you should tell them that "actually", you prefer the food that is already being chewed in their mouth. What is wrong with people?! Argh!
  • ukstarlight05
    ukstarlight05 Posts: 86
    I have a coworker that does this to me too, and then when I say no on a daily basis she often makes comments under her breath about how I'm anorexic. I've tried to politely tell her that I'm watching what I eat - because I've already tried to explain the concept of calorie counting + exercise will help me lose these super annoying extra pounds I gained from my desk job. Then she complains about the weight she's gained from working at this desk job. And she still doesn't get it. I have come to the conclusion that some people are just clueless.
  • Alpina483
    Alpina483 Posts: 246 Member
    What is wrong with people?! Argh!
    nothing ) as long as they are not holding you by the neck and shoving their chewed food down your throat.
  • soulfulsally
    soulfulsally Posts: 326
    OP has said no repeatedly to this person and has even given a detailed reason why she doesn't want to be asked again. Yet this co-worker is still offering her treats. A polite "no thank you" is not working here. Either this co-worker is lacking basic manners and listening comprehension or she has mean-spirited intentions. OP should not have to deal with this unnecessary stress at work. It's akin to someone bringing their religious book to work every day and asking if you'd like to read from it , even though they know you don't agree with their religion.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,644 Member
    go to HR.
    tell them you feel "harassed" by this persons culinary offerings.
    the word "harassment" is such a hot button word these days. no one wants to fck with that.
    it'll work. trust me.
    some chick went to HR on me...told them she felt "harassed" by my touching her *kitten* all the time.
    well guess what....it worked. i stopped.

    and I have been disappointed every day since...I was bragging about you touching my *kitten*, not complaining...
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    go to HR.
    tell them you feel "harassed" by this persons culinary offerings.
    the word "harassment" is such a hot button word these days. no one wants to fck with that.
    it'll work. trust me.
    some chick went to HR on me...told them she felt "harassed" by my touching her *kitten* all the time.
    well guess what....it worked. i stopped.

    and I have been disappointed every day since...I was bragging about you touching my *kitten*, not complaining...

    dammit jodes! go talk to them and have that stricken from my record and the *kitten*-touching will commence immediately!

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