Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?

nphect

this is obviously apparent,and if you haven't gotten this point then your off track. But this thread did turn more interesting when talking about actually caring or not caring about your appearance when going out into public, and to what degrees.

If anything, I got a list of chicks who shop at wal-mart wearing banana clips and stained Looney Tunes t-shirts.

It's a longer list than I expected.

well i try to remember some people can't afford a new shirt, or don't have a lot of time, and i hate to get into a habit of judging people by their looks. i rather judge them by their stupid brains.

Lyssa62

the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.

Offensive. Ain't nothing wrong with being bald.

/baldchaser

Nailed it.

NO FAILED IT! Totally missed any kind of point and immediately call an offense. Good god!

sleepytexan

I don't have a problem with him looking for someone who takes care of herself. Most women I know who are married and have kids completely let themselves go. How is that fair to your spouse or yourself? To me it's almost as bad as lying or cheating, you are depriving your significant other of the person they were attracted to and married.

My bowling league is a perfect example. The women between 35-60 are disgusting. They bring baked goods every week and eat large amounts of food and I swear there is one woman who is as wide as she is tall. Her stomach flab hands down to her knees, but she wears shorts so that if you happen to be behind her, you can see the flab swinging against her legs. Her daughter is the same size and she got so angry at someone cutting her in the snack bar line last week she was about to cry while screaming at the lady.

The people I know in my personal life are like my parents, they think healthy means a loaded up salad with extra ranch or loaded baked potatoes and steak every night. That or they are just lazy and it would kill them to get up and take a walk around the block.

There is NO REASON what so ever that women should let themselves go, just because they are married or older. Take 5 mins to put on a bit of make-up, brush your hair and wear a decent outfit.

hmmmmmmm.

sleepytexan

As an "older" woman who has never let herself go, I'd point out that there are a hella lot more "younger" people out of shape and sloppy than ever before. For example there were just several photos in the media of Texas State Fair attendees (due to the fire there), and the difference in attire and general size of people from the '50s to present is eye-opening.

At the fair in the '50s photos you can't find an overweight person and all the men are wearing ties, even hats; the ladies, dresses and nice shoes. Today's photos: obese people in ill-fitting, dirty t-shirts, shorts, and sneakers.

Time after time on MFP especially, I read posts from people who sound as if they are proud NOT to spend time on their appearance. In particular there are many who like to criticize women who "dress up" or "look nice" at the gym. What? Really?

Why not clean up and look nice everywhere?

CalJur

Gross generalizations are always problematic. Such is the case here.

Kotuliak

Why not clean up and look nice everywhere?

Sleepy girl, I couldn't agree more, even though my avatar might indicate otherwise.

ladytinkerbell99

Perhaps he does not take care of himself as much as he thinks he does.

Too many men in my family enjoy pointing out when a large woman walks by (making really disgusting comments), yet do not appreciate being told they themselves are obese and not doing what they need to do. Goes both ways, fellas.

^ Totally agree with this 100%.

waffleflavoredtea

I think it's important to remember that most women mature as they age, men rarely do. :P

LiftBigtoGetFit

the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.

what's wrong with bald?

LiftBigtoGetFit

You know why I think this makes a lot of women mad? Because in our experience, dudes that write this tripe look like Jabba the Hutt with a five o'clock shadow. And smell twice as bad.

I see it all the damn time.

If you place that much of a premium on how your partner looks, your relationships will fail, because deep down you're a shallow twit with skewed priorities. First bump in the road and you're done. None of the lasting couples I know are together because they both look hot in a swimsuit, that's for certain. They've stayed together through cancer, through childbirth, depression and any number of other "unnattractive" scenarios because they care deeply for each other on a level that transcend appearance. There's simply no other explanation for their longevity.


I don't think his standards are as simple as "takes a bath and puts on makeup and a nice dress once in a while." If they were, he'd have no shortage. I see these women every single day. He obviously has some prima donna standards to be completely unable to find someone that meets them. Believe this. But then, we've become a horribly shallow society in general, which explains our divorce rate...and the existence of "men" like this in the first place.

the sole purpose for staying together can't be that we find each other "hot" but it's a good starting point. if I wasn't attracted to my wife before we started dating and getting to know one another, I never would have asked her out. attraction is a starting point, but not the be all end all...

dr2k12

This is too funny, my wife was actually telling me about that article and KABLAM there is a thread about it raging along on MFP!

kelly_e_montana

I'm really at the point where I don't care what people think about how I look as long as I'm healthy. I'll dress in a style that is creative and expressive FOR ME. Frankly I dress more to impress other women than men. I'm much more concerned about whether I'm using my time on earth wisely and contributing enough to to the world and learning enough in my journey than to put a premium on the shallow things that occupied my mind in my 20s. We only have so much time here. We need to organize it by order of importance. Have I spent more time applying my makeup than volunteering? Probably and frankly that makes me sad.

My longterm partner looks like he belongs on Duck Dynasty. That's fine with me. He treats me well and is a wonderful person who does many things for others. I don't care what he looks like as long as he smells ok.

SmartWhatever

Hot older chick stopping by!
I wish we could find out who the guy was that wrote that.
I'd like to show him my kicking skills.

jenilla1

People are gonna hate me, but...Some people value health and fitness in a partner, some people don't. I don't have a problem with either type of person. This guy in the letter is just being honest - he could just go out and chase a 20 year old, if all he was looking for was hotness and youth, but he's not. He's looking for someone his age who shares his fitness values. I agree that it's not easy to find someone of EITHER sex who is in good shape at that age AND has all the other qualities that make a great mate (whatever those qualities are for you personally).

My husband and I both make an effort to maintain ourselves as we age, and it's just one part of what makes our marriage successful. We are in better shape than most of our peers. Neither one of us is particularly attracted to the typical middle-aged bodies we see out there. There's nothing shameful about being proud of yourself or your spouse for making an effort to be the best they can at whatever age they are. It's true that most people seem to have let themselves go by our age. We aren't perfect, not even close, and obviously we are aging, but WHY NOT take the best care you can - show some respect for yourself and your mate if it's something you both value. Otherwise, just do whatever your thing is. :flowerforyou:

darleyschroeder

Women, who want a man anyways, should keep themselves up. It doesn't have to be anything crazy. Smell good, look tidy and have some simple make up if you choose. Men are visual creatures.
Women get into a long term relationship or married and then sometimes stop trying. Yes, the guy loves you. But yeah, he wants you to look good. Your man might say otherwise, but it's kinda one of those things he won't admit, just like you ask if your pants make you look fat.

CentralCaliCycling

People are gonna hate me, but...Some people value health and fitness in a partner, some people don't. I don't have a problem with either type of person. This guy in the letter is just being honest - he could just go out and chase a 20 year old, if all he was looking for was hotness and youth, but he's not. He's looking for someone his age who shares his fitness values. I agree that it's not easy to find someone of EITHER sex who is in good shape at that age AND has all the other qualities that make a great mate (whatever those qualities are for you personally).

No problem with your post at all - in fact complete agreement with your philosophy.

Sandy307

Doesn't anyone care that what is on the inside is WAY more important than the "wrapping paper" I agree that we should all make the best of what God gave us, but at the end of the day, I would much rather date/marry a person who is genuine, loving,respectful, honest and caring... how a person dresses is of little importance as long as they are clean and tidy. Fashion and designer clothes are just another way to show off. Sorry if this offends anyone but it is just my opinion.

sizzle92

Doesn't anyone care that what is on the inside is WAY more important than the "wrapping paper" I agree that we should all make the best of what God gave us, but at the end of the day, I would much rather date/marry a person who is genuine, loving,respectful, honest and caring... how a person dresses is of little importance as long as they are clean and tidy. Fashion and designer clothes are just another way to show off. Sorry if this offends anyone but it is just my opinion.

I agree. To a point. For example, my husband is the most genuine, loving,respectful, honest and caring person I have ever met. That being said, it he dressed like a fuddy duddy, I wouldn't be attracted to him. Even if he smelled good and was tidy. That's just life.

NavyKnightAh13

Ok, my 2 cents and people are going to yell at me but I don't care. First off, my husband is 2 years older then me, and hates me wearing make up. Its kinda a reason why i don't other then i hate wearing the stuff (yeah I'm weird) And i admit, most days I am still in sleep pants when he comes home from work because its a why bother changing. But I will also say, most people want the fitness values stuff.....i don't really care, as long as my husband continues to be treating me well, then I will be okay.

My husband is the one in the picture holding our son. he treats me very well, and if I had to dress up every day of the week for him, I would be in trouble and frankly not comfy. I enjoy my jeans and either spaghetti strap or tshirt. Point is, while i understand that I have to keep myself hygienic and blah blah, unless we are going out on a date somewhere (which has happened twice since our son was born, we don't have family or friends to watch him) i don't dress up worth a dang, and he is okay with that. He has seen me workout, and every once in a while I get him to as well, and I am just glad that he wants home cooked meals now rather then fast food :bigsmile:

fleur_de_lis19

Is this the main reason older men search out a younger woman (maybe with daddy issues) to date/marry? That would explain a lot. Looks like women in their 40's need to step their game up LOL