Paying for dates?
Replies
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While I would like a man to pick me up at home, I'm comfortable with it because of the kids. Early in dating I tell them that I'm going to dinner with friends, or a some other function. I don't want them getting caught up in my dating life because at their ages they just don't understand the concept that well. Depending on where the man lives, I may drive to his house or we may meet at a parking lot, or just the restaurant we're going to. Just depends on how early into the dating it is and what we're doing that night. I've never had a man tell me he had issues with this. A lot have actually been relieved because it kept them away from any potentially awkward situations.
It usually only takes about 3-5 dates before we talk about him picking me up at the house. At that point, I'll walk out to his car because it takes a while for me to introduce men to the kids.0 -
As a woman, if you d'on't set your standards higher than that from the very beginning, that's exactly how you will be treated for the duration of the relationship.
'Standards' are very subjective!! Personally I wouldn't let a stranger near my house on a first date. That's 'my' standard. I also wouldnt expect him to pay for the whole night. Again 'my' standard is that I dont take the piss out of men or expect freebies from strangers.
But then again, the types of relationships I have aren't built on if he can pick me up from home or if he's got enough money to support me. I'm pretty independent when it comes to my standard of living.0 -
What amazes me more isn't so much that women are pulling this kind of tricks (after all, women try to get as much as they can from men, they are like children... you have got to show them the limit)...As a woman, if you d'on't set your standards higher than that from the very beginning, that's exactly how you will be treated for the duration of the relationship.
No, what really amazes me is that some men accept that. This is weird, as if you don't set your standards higher than that from the very beginning, that's exactly how you will be treated for the duration of the relationship.
(yes, standards are indeed very subjective)0 -
What amazes me more isn't so much that women are pulling this kind of tricks (after all, women try to get as much as they can from men, they are like children... you have got to show them the limit)...As a woman, if you d'on't set your standards higher than that from the very beginning, that's exactly how you will be treated for the duration of the relationship.
No, what really amazes me is that some men accept that. This is weird, as if you don't set your standards higher than that from the very beginning, that's exactly how you will be treated for the duration of the relationship.
(yes, standards are indeed very subjective)
I set my standards at exactly what I want out of a relationship. Chill, fun, honest and uncomplicated. I don't need it to be higher, just to stay consistent hahaha.0 -
As a woman, if you d'on't set your standards higher than that from the very beginning, that's exactly how you will be treated for the duration of the relationship.
'Standards' are very subjective!! Personally I wouldn't let a stranger near my house on a first date. That's 'my' standard. I also wouldnt expect him to pay for the whole night. Again 'my' standard is that I dont take the piss out of men or expect freebies from strangers.
But then again, the types of relationships I have aren't built on if he can pick me up from home or if he's got enough money to support me. I'm pretty independent when it comes to my standard of living.
^^^^ This. Absolutely all of this.0 -
As a woman, if you d'on't set your standards higher than that from the very beginning, that's exactly how you will be treated for the duration of the relationship.
'Standards' are very subjective!! Personally I wouldn't let a stranger near my house on a first date. That's 'my' standard. I also wouldnt expect him to pay for the whole night. Again 'my' standard is that I dont take the piss out of men or expect freebies from strangers.
But then again, the types of relationships I have aren't built on if he can pick me up from home or if he's got enough money to support me. I'm pretty independent when it comes to my standard of living.
^^^^ This. Absolutely all of this.
I third this. Like I said earlier, it's not part of me, i'm independent and don't expect anything, I just let it go and see where this leads.0 -
What amazes me more isn't so much that women are pulling this kind of tricks (after all, women try to get as much as they can from men, they are like children... you have got to show them the limit)...As a woman, if you d'on't set your standards higher than that from the very beginning, that's exactly how you will be treated for the duration of the relationship.
See, this is what turns my stomach... that although Flim was being sarcastic (I assume
), so many men believe women are out to "get them". Why is setting your standards gender specific? Shouldn't it be like the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated? 0 -
While I would like a man to pick me up at home, I'm comfortable with it because of the kids. Early in dating I tell them that I'm going to dinner with friends, or a some other function. I don't want them getting caught up in my dating life because at their ages they just don't understand the concept that well. Depending on where the man lives, I may drive to his house or we may meet at a parking lot, or just the restaurant we're going to. Just depends on how early into the dating it is and what we're doing that night. I've never had a man tell me he had issues with this. A lot have actually been relieved because it kept them away from any potentially awkward situations.
It usually only takes about 3-5 dates before we talk about him picking me up at the house. At that point, I'll walk out to his car because it takes a while for me to introduce men to the kids.
This!!
I would NEVER let a man pick me up at my house on the first date. What if you don't like him and he now knows where you live and is nuts? eek. Also, by the time I let a man (for me it's been around date 3 or 4) I go out to his car for the sake of my children like Mud said.0 -
Yeah... I was sarcastic.
See, this is what turns my stomach... that although Flim was being sarcastic (I assume
What amazes me more isn't so much that women are pulling this kind of tricks (after all, women try to get as much as they can from men, they are like children... you have got to show them the limit)...As a woman, if you d'on't set your standards higher than that from the very beginning, that's exactly how you will be treated for the duration of the relationship.), so many men believe women are out to "get them". Why is setting your standards gender specific? Shouldn't it be like the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated?0 -
A LOT of people are involved with online dating, and I would NEVER let a date pick me up at home if I had met him through dating site......but I guess if you don't do online dating, the picking up would make more sense...........
I also wouldn't have a man pick me up at my place unless I already knew him from church, work, etc. I'm not even sure about a "friend of a friend." I know several ladies who were victims of sexual assault and this just scares me. It takes awhile before I can trust a stranger like that.
Of course I would never suggest letting a man you've never met and know virtually nothing about pick you up at your home. I just don't go on dates with guys I've never actually met in person.0 -
This is where I differ from most women, apparently ... I would never in a million years go on a date with a "perfect stranger." I date men I've actually gotten to know on some level and whose company I already enjoy. If I don't feel comfortable with a man knowing where I live, why in God's name would I agree to spend an evening with him? Besides, if a guy knows your name and he really wants to kill you and wear your skin as a Halloween costume, he can get your address within a matter of seconds. I suppose it helps that I have a concealed carry permit and have a gun on me pretty much 24/7, but yeah, if there is any concern at all about my safety, I'm not going out with him.
And I understand why you wouldn't want a man coming to your house right away if you have children. I don't have kids, so not an issue for me.
And I'm not saying standards aren't subjective. In fact, that's exactly my point ... you have to decide what you're comfortable with and not let your peers dictate what is and isn't acceptable because in the end, you're looking for someone who suits YOU, not someone whose ideals and values are more compatible with someone else. If you like hanging out at the bar with a guy and his friends, then go for it. That is not my idea of a date, though. That's what I do with friends, not gentlemen I'm trying to get to know on a romantic level. I prefer to date guys who consider a "date" to be a one-on-one activity, at least until we are in a relationship and have started integrating our friendships.
I also don't view being "financially independent" as something that extends to social scenarios. If I have a dinner party, I don't expect my friends to bring cash with them just because they have good jobs and plenty of money. They may bring a bottle of wine, but that's to thank me for inviting them, not because they feel some financial obligation to contribute. Why is dating any different? Paying for my own meal doesn't prove I am financially independent. Anybody can throw down a credit card and pay for dinner. Having my own home, my own car, and paying my own bills proves I am financially independent. Women who are gold-diggers typically don't have any of those things.0 -
This is where I differ from most women, apparently ... I would never in a million years go on a date with a "perfect stranger." I date men I've actually gotten to know on some level and whose company I already enjoy. If I don't feel comfortable with a man knowing where I live, why in God's name would I agree to spend an evening with him? Besides, if a guy knows your name and he really wants to kill you and wear your skin as a Halloween costume, he can get your address within a matter of seconds. I suppose it helps that I have a concealed carry permit and have a gun on me pretty much 24/7, but yeah, if there is any concern at all about my safety, I'm not going out with him.
Welcome back to the board! I was going to comment on why you feel you need to carry a gun 24/7 but I'm just going to let it go because I don't really care to get into a gun debate.
But pertaining more to the topic at hand, how do you get to the point where you feel comfortable enough to go out on a date with someone without actually going out with them. Telephone? Email? Just curious because a lot of us are past the point where we can date friends of friends or people we already know. Thus, anyone we have just met that could be a dating prospect is still a perfect stranger.0 -
I suppose it helps that I have a concealed carry permit and have a gun on me pretty much 24/7, but yeah, if there is any concern at all about my safety, I'm not going out with him.
You just got like... 12X more sexy.0 -
I suppose it helps that I have a concealed carry permit and have a gun on me pretty much 24/7, but yeah, if there is any concern at all about my safety, I'm not going out with him.
You just got like... 12X more sexy.
Oh how I love guns!!!0 -
I suppose it helps that I have a concealed carry permit and have a gun on me pretty much 24/7, but yeah, if there is any concern at all about my safety, I'm not going out with him.
You just got like... 12X more sexy.
Oh how I love guns!!!
I wish I lived in a place that was more gun friendly. CA is a bitch about them.0 -
I suppose it helps that I have a concealed carry permit and have a gun on me pretty much 24/7, but yeah, if there is any concern at all about my safety, I'm not going out with him.
You just got like... 12X more sexy.
Oh how I love guns!!!
I wish I lived in a place that was more gun friendly. CA is a bitch about them.
So is Minnesota... they are trying to lower clips to under 10 bullets.... anyone that would purpose this has clearly never shot a gun. Plus they want to make it a felony to own a clip over ten bullets... guess I'm a felon.0 -
But pertaining more to the topic at hand, how do you get to the point where you feel comfortable enough to go out on a date with someone without actually going out with them. Telephone? Email? Just curious because a lot of us are past the point where we can date friends of friends or people we already know. Thus, anyone we have just met that could be a dating prospect is still a perfect stranger.
Well, I guess I do some things that y'all might consider "dating," but I really don't. For instance, I met a guy doing jury duty once. We talked for an hour so while we were waiting. He asked if he could give me his phone number. I said yes, and I called him a week later and asked if he wanted to go to a baseball game. So we did stuff like that a couple of times, and I flirted here and there so he would know I had not put him in the friend zone. Then he called me and said he'd like to go on a real date, so we did.
That sort of thing happens to me a lot ... I meet a guy somewhere, we talk for a bit, he asks for my number or gives me his, we hang out in a non-dating context, and either he asks me out or we just continue to be friends. I am just not comfortable with the online dating thing or even being fixed up. The last time I was fixed up, two of my friends promised me the guy was perfect for me, so my guard was down immediately, and everything about him that would've been a red flag to me normally, I ignored because people whose opinions I trusted told me he was a great guy. Well, he turned out to be the only guy I've ever dated who I can truly say was not a good guy. I feel like I have great instincts about men, so I choose my own dates these days.0 -
Detroit loves guns apparently. People get shot all the time here.I suppose it helps that I have a concealed carry permit and have a gun on me pretty much 24/7, but yeah, if there is any concern at all about my safety, I'm not going out with him.
You just got like... 12X more sexy.
Oh how I love guns!!!
I wish I lived in a place that was more gun friendly. CA is a bitch about them.0 -
Detroit loves guns apparently. People get shot all the time here.I suppose it helps that I have a concealed carry permit and have a gun on me pretty much 24/7, but yeah, if there is any concern at all about my safety, I'm not going out with him.
You just got like... 12X more sexy.
Oh how I love guns!!!
I wish I lived in a place that was more gun friendly. CA is a bitch about them.
The local paper did a study in Minneapolis a few years back to see if most violent criminals were native MN or from elsewhere... believe it or not they found a large number were transplants from Detroit and Chicago0 -
.I suppose it helps that I have a concealed carry permit and have a gun on me pretty much 24/7, but yeah, if there is any concern at all about my safety, I'm not going out with him.
You just got like... 12X more sexy.
Oh how I love guns!!!
I wish I lived in a place that was more gun friendly. CA is a bitch about them.
So is Minnesota... they are trying to lower clips to under 10 bullets.... anyone that would purpose this has clearly never shot a gun. Plus they want to make it a felony to own a clip over ten bullets... guess I'm a felon.
That's already true here, though if you already owned one you're grandfathered in. So it's more like it's just illegal to see/buy them here. People just buy them out of state XD0
