Being Receptive to Men "Doing For" you

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Replies

  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
    I would have no problem being receptive..I just think I would be shocked.
    Its certainly not the culture of men here to offer to do things for me. My friends seem to have married a few men that are very much like that but they were snagged ages ago. The ones left over...are not the ones offering to help out or be a guy who pays for anything or opens car doors. I've met probably 3 or 4 and I accepted gracefully their gentlemanly behavior.
    Now door opening sure since I've lost the wt..that happens. but all the other stuff nope.
  • I would have no problem being receptive..I just think I would be shocked.
    Its certainly not the culture of men here to offer to do things for me. My friends seem to have married a few men that are very much like that but they were snagged ages ago. The ones left over...are not the ones offering to help out or be a guy who pays for anything or opens car doors. I've met probably 3 or 4 and I accepted gracefully their gentlemanly behavior.
    Now door opening sure since I've lost the wt..that happens. but all the other stuff nope.

    This is because Canadian men have no manners, romance, charm or gentlemanly behaviours. They are too busy watching hockey and drinking beer. Sigh.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    I would have no problem being receptive..I just think I would be shocked.
    Its certainly not the culture of men here to offer to do things for me. My friends seem to have married a few men that are very much like that but they were snagged ages ago. The ones left over...are not the ones offering to help out or be a guy who pays for anything or opens car doors. I've met probably 3 or 4 and I accepted gracefully their gentlemanly behavior.
    Now door opening sure since I've lost the wt..that happens. but all the other stuff nope.

    This is because Canadian men have no manners, romance, charm or gentlemanly behaviours. They are too busy watching hockey and drinking beer. Sigh.

    LOL!! so true... Can't help but throw in that the Flames beat the Canucks last night :P (one in a million I know, but I will take it)
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    I graciously accept, with a smile and a 'thank you', any guy that offers to be a gent :love:

    Makes me feel good. Makes him feel good. Win-win!! :bigsmile:
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,064 Member
    I graciously accept, with a smile and a 'thank you', any guy that offers to be a gent :love:

    Makes me feel good. Makes him feel good. Win-win!! :bigsmile:

    Perfectly worded and true.
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    I graciously accept, with a smile and a 'thank you', any guy that offers to be a gent :love:

    Makes me feel good. Makes him feel good. Win-win!! :bigsmile:

    agreed!
  • Prahasaurus
    Prahasaurus Posts: 1,381 Member
    I think you're over-analyzing this. I'm not sure reading books is the way to go to truly understand the culture of the south, at least as it pertains to men. But if you insist, I recommend Absalom Absalom or Light in August, by Faulkner. Beats pop psychology hands down.

    Also, I'm not sure what it means to be a southerner any longer. I was born and raised in the south (Virginia, later North Carolina). Both of those very southern states are now overrun with northerners. Usually having relocated as companies look for cheaper labor, lower tax burdens, less unionization, etc. In my (granted upscale) neighborhood in NC, I was the only southerner on the block. I had to go to the local diner to hear a southern accent. And it was one of the few places in my town that served biscuits and gravy, grits, etc. Don't ask for a cappuccino, they'll look at you funny. :-)

    I suppose there are still parts of Mississippi and Alabama that are still traditionally southern, but as a true Virginian I always thought those states the worst of the south: more racism, less culture. Then again, Faulkner is from Mississippi, so perhaps I'm a hypocrite...

    And by the way, European men are also quite gentlemanly, as least when it comes to opening doors for the ladies. I can't imagine a European woman being offended when a man opens a door for her. But then again, I can't imagine an American woman being offended, either. At least not one that I would care to be around. It's just a door, after all. Not the Spanish Inquisition.

    --P
  • RosscoBoscko
    RosscoBoscko Posts: 632 Member
    Being a European man as referred to personally its just manners to me to hold the door open, and will do this for men and women. No idea re north/south divide in US am afraid, though in UK in general I find the northerners are often the more friendly open genuine people, and that's coming from a southerner.

    Also whilst I believe in both manners and being chivalrous towards ladies (friends or whatever) I think its a balance, and depends on the person, if they are very independent minded, and perhaps have feminist leanings, then they might see some actions as belittling them when the guy means them genuinely, but others may be more than happy to be treated in the same way.

    I think its a case from the guy's point of view of judging the action to the person if they already know them, or if not just being a gentleman and having manners until you know their views (if you ever do, ie passing strangers). If someone takes offence at basic momentary politeness then they're not worth losing sleep over the reaction.
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
    I don't know. I've dated a lot of northern women and not very many of them (if any) refused to let me pay or open doors for them. If that is a trend I don't see it happening anywhere around here.

    With that said I would probably see any behavior like that as one of four things:
    1. She doesn't like me very much.
    2. She's a b**ch
    3. She's a feminist
    4. She's trying way too hard to display her independence.

    Either way, none of those are really attractive and I'd probably stay away. Unless she was really hot.

    YUP ^^^^
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,289 Member
    Really people honestly get rude when someone opens a door. I know I've held doors open for people of both sexes and people of both sexes have held the door for me. You smile and say thank you.....

    Now I have had several men offer me their seat on the bus (before I had a car) and I always accepted because if someone is going to be kind enough to offer to stand so you can sit you say thank you and sit your butt down. I would also offer my seat to anyone who looked like they may need it more then I did (i.e. elderly ,pregnant ,injured or on the bus with kids) ....

    When A guy friend of mine offers to help me move or work on my car I say thank you buy a 6 pack and a pizza and thats the end of it. I have never understood why being "independent " means I have to be rude.