I've been friendzoned by one guy I was really interested in. I don't think I did anything to purposely end up there. I flirted yet was myself with him on our first few dates. We messed around so there was physical attraction there as well. In those cases, I don't think you can help it. Someone just decides you're better off as friends.. either you or him (I have friendzoned someone after dating as well).

If you're continuously ending up in the friend zone, then yes, I'd say maybe there's a lack of sensuality, sexuality or availability vibe you're not giving out.

I'm not sure how it works for men but for women just do things that make you feel sexy. If I'm in a flirty mood, it's usually due to confidence which is due to how I'm dressed, etc. For other's it might be something completely different. The point is to be approachable yet friendly without losing the charm.. if that makes sense.

Being friendzoned SUCKS. The only difference between someone in the friendzone and someone in the non-friendzone is that you're physically attracted to them. Simple yet not as simple once you're IN the friendzone.

I haven't really had the Friendzone problem, myself. Not sure why.

Regarding advice for women, I think the first impression (or perhaps first few impressions) is critical. You must seem like a potential romantic partner immediately. This doesn't mean walking around with a sucker in your mouth... :-) It does mean being a bit flirty and feminine. Not one of the guys!!!

I think it's hard to find the right balance, however. Speaking as an American who lives in Europe, it's so much easier to flirt here, especially at work. And since we often meet potential partners at work, or through work (friend of a colleague, drinks with colleagues after work with a few others present, etc.), how you manage these initial interactions is very important.

In America, they constantly drum into men how terrible (literally criminal) it is to flirt with women at work. You start to view women as asexual beings as a defense mechanism. Better safe than sorry, right? And the way many American women dress at work reinforces this. People spend more and more time at work, so a good part of their lives is de facto off limits when seeking mates.

You have a better shot when meeting people completely outside of work, but your time is limited. Hence the rise of on-line dating. But that carries its own intrinsic problems: too many losers, too unnatural, etc.

I think the art of flirting is severely lacking now in America. And the new generation, just "hanging out" or "poking" each other on Facebook, well... That's just too sad to even discuss. Pretty soon we'll need to go back to arranged marriages to ensure we continue to procreate as a species.

--P

No problem here. The only male friends I have are gay. haha

Still an interesting thread though.

I am often a victim of the friend zone, and I think I know why.

1) I get super nervous around guys that I like - and I often can't speak and I'm shaky, and I can feel my heart beating fast. And I get massively awkward sometimes too lol. So to combat this, I try to act cool and think of the guy as a friend, and so I don't flirt too much. Maybe that turns guys off, and makes them think of me as a friend.

2) I am often relished to the role of "sidekick." It's happened to me my whole life with various friend groups. So my friends flirt and I just hang out waiting for them to finish their free drink.

3) I don't know if this has anything to do with anything, but I am not really one to show off my assets. I dress in a way that I find attractive, but 99% of the time I cover up my boobs and legs. I just don't like showing them off to everyone. I usually wear tank tops, but higher cut ones, and jeans. I wear shorts in everyday life, but not to go out with friends. Meanwhile, my friends love showing off their boobs! So I think that guys don't think I'm sexual enough - my style is really girl next door-y: tank tops, cardigans, skinny jeans, boat shoes, boots, flats. Not sure if this is actually the case but just my suspicion.

Some women are just brilliant at flirting and making their intentions known. I've looked at friends in action over the years, and they usually are the one's that are never single.

The whole mating game kind of embarrasses me. I get shy and nervous and back off when I feel someone looking at me. And when I do let my feelings known its usually mistimed/too late!!

But seeing as I think its all to do with timing, there are sometimes when I gel with someone and get it right :huh:

I dont really know if there is a 'formula' to follow, but I suppose being smiley, approachable, flirty, sexual, confident all get thrown into the pot at some point .........

Invite him over to your place later at night.

I like the rest of your post, but I kind of object to this. To show you we like you, we have to invite you over for what I'm presuming to be sexual activity before we're committed? To some girls this is no problem, but to me, I refuse to do that. Just so some men understand here, just because she doesn't wanna have sex right away doesn't mean she doesn't like you.

Invite him over to your place later at night.

I like the rest of your post, but I kind of object to this. To show you we like you, we have to invite you over for what I'm presuming to be sexual activity before we're committed? To some girls this is no problem, but to me, I refuse to do that. Just so some men understand here, just because she doesn't wanna have sex right away doesn't mean she doesn't like you.

I didnt see the guy mention sex Christine - your mind is in the gutter!! :laugh:

Haha oh well then sure he can come over! I'll make a pot of coffee even!

I am often a victim of the friend zone, and I think I know why.

1) I get super nervous around guys that I like - and I often can't speak and I'm shaky, and I can feel my heart beating fast. And I get massively awkward sometimes too lol. So to combat this, I try to act cool and think of the guy as a friend, and so I don't flirt too much. Maybe that turns guys off, and makes them think of me as a friend.

2) I am often relished to the role of "sidekick." It's happened to me my whole life with various friend groups. So my friends flirt and I just hang out waiting for them to finish their free drink.

3) I don't know if this has anything to do with anything, but I am not really one to show off my assets. I dress in a way that I find attractive, but 99% of the time I cover up my boobs and legs. I just don't like showing them off to everyone. I usually wear tank tops, but higher cut ones, and jeans. I wear shorts in everyday life, but not to go out with friends. Meanwhile, my friends love showing off their boobs! So I think that guys don't think I'm sexual enough - my style is really girl next door-y: tank tops, cardigans, skinny jeans, boat shoes, boots, flats. Not sure if this is actually the case but just my suspicion.

This gets back to past discussions on here and as it seems you do recognize that certain things are a detriment I hope you really do work towards changing them.
This is why I thought it silly the times many said "oh,don`t ever change for a guy" with the presumption that one just has to wait it out for the miracle to happen.
It is not intended to be ridiculing so please don`t take it that way at all but your reason #1 is a good argument for why that is a wrong way to go.
Being socially incapable is just not going to work so it has to change...really hope you can and do. :flowerforyou:

In the past year or so, my nerves have gotten a ton better. They're still there, but it does get easier with time. I used to physically shake, and now my trembling has gotten much less, but it still occurs from time to time. It's funny though, because that is usually how I know that I find a guy attractive. I can talk all day to a guy who I have no romantic interest in.

I am often a victim of the friend zone, and I think I know why.

1) I get super nervous around guys that I like - and I often can't speak and I'm shaky, and I can feel my heart beating fast. And I get massively awkward sometimes too lol. So to combat this, I try to act cool and think of the guy as a friend, and so I don't flirt too much. Maybe that turns guys off, and makes them think of me as a friend.

2) I am often relished to the role of "sidekick." It's happened to me my whole life with various friend groups. So my friends flirt and I just hang out waiting for them to finish their free drink.

3) I don't know if this has anything to do with anything, but I am not really one to show off my assets. I dress in a way that I find attractive, but 99% of the time I cover up my boobs and legs. I just don't like showing them off to everyone. I usually wear tank tops, but higher cut ones, and jeans. I wear shorts in everyday life, but not to go out with friends. Meanwhile, my friends love showing off their boobs! So I think that guys don't think I'm sexual enough - my style is really girl next door-y: tank tops, cardigans, skinny jeans, boat shoes, boots, flats. Not sure if this is actually the case but just my suspicion.

4. You are too set in your ideals. You think in terms of black and white and life just aint like that. You think a man should be and do XYX, when men (humans) are far from perfect. I think you'd do well to get out your comfort zones and do something you'd never think you'd ever do. (Ask a guy out. Wear a low cut top. Pinch a guys *kitten*. Play kiss chase. Buy a guy a drink. Invite a guy back to your rooms and play music all night. Compliment a guy on his eyes/hair/humour. Put your arm round a random stranger!! /etc etc etc) Broaden your horizons and be more forgiving. F*** the consequences, you might even enjoy it! :flowerforyou:

What happened to the guy you danced with???

PS You really dont have to have sex if you invite someone back to your place. You are in control. Again, I just think you need to widen your horizons and stop thinking in terms of right and wrong!