Talk me off the edge...

La_Amazona
La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
Hello peeps! I'm in the middle of an over thinking binge. Help!!! Heres the situation.

I'm still dating Stunt Man. We've kept in contact everyday either by text or call. He usually is the initiator. I am trying things slow this time. I'm not rushing into it and havent brought up any relationship talk.. Its all been fun. Physically speaking all we have done is kiss. Usually by 3rd date I've gone to at least 2nd/ 3rd base but all we've done is passionately kiss. Again, I just want to take things slower with him to really get to know him.

Well last night was our 3rd date. I initiated it. I asked him over for first time and I asked him to help me put my big screen tv up and Id cook him a Mexican feast. I even had his fav beer! We had a great time and honestly I finally felt comfy and totally relaxed. I think we both did as we have been quite nervous during dates 1 & 2.

Anywho, he asked me out for this week to go to his place and go riding on his bike to the beach and I accepted. Around 8:30, he had to go (45min drive home and he's working 12 hrs a day along with an hr to and an hr from work). He had to be at work around 6am. I am understanding of this. BUT, last night he was standing in front of me and he leaned in to kiss me. We kissed passionately for like 5-10 min and me being me, I put his hand under my shirt, NOT on my boobs but on my back which he seemed to like. He was rubbing my waist and lower back. Then he says "i really have to go". What?!? I just said okay. He said he'd see me soon for bike ride and I replied I was so excited. I thanked him for putting my tv up, smiled and kissed him 1 more time.

Here comes the oops part. I call him about 15-20 min later. I'll blame the beer. ;)
I am very sweet and calm. I politely ask him if all was okay because I just felt I was almost violating him. I said I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. He replied all was okay and that I didn't make him uncomfortable at all. He then says that the only thing thing that does make him uncomfortable is him being dirty from work and still in his work clothes. He mentions how we haven't gone on a date where he's been properly dressed (he drives to meet me right after work due to time). I tell him it's fine and I understand. I joke that when we go bike riding, he'll have a chance to clean up and wear a tux if he wanted to! He laughed and we pretty much said goodnight.

Now.

I haven't heard from him today. I usually get a little text in the am. I know he was super busy yesterday and stressed. But still. I'm a little freaked out that my call turned him off. What do y'all think???

Oh and I'm on my period so my emotions and thoughts are running crazy.

I know and I am having fun and taking it a day at a time but his sudden lack of text has me wondering. Blah!!

Was it paycho of me to call him like that to make sure all was okay?
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Replies

  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    Yowza that was long!!! Blame it on PMS peeps.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
    Just let life unwind as it will,you are your own worst enemy.
    Honestly,not in any way trying to be mean but have a little patience Diana....Please? :flowerforyou:
  • will010574
    will010574 Posts: 761 Member
    I concur with Carl...
    quit freaking out and always overthinking things. Even, worst case scenario, he is losing interest, who cares, you have had 3 dates. Plus odds are he is just really busy and didnt have time to text back and forth today.

    Relax and take some deep breaths!
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    Waaaa but why would he lose interest in me!?!

    I know, I know. I'm just curious if my call after he left was "crazy"?
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    If you screwed up by being yourself, then so what. It wasn't meant to be. Besides, even if you did, it's already done. I lost the instructions for building a time machine but it seems like that would be your only option.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    There is absolutely no way of knowing what happened. He could be turned off, he could have sent the message and it just got lost in the void of forgotten text messages, he could have accidentally woken up early and had to rush to work only to get slammed right away and not gotten a second to himself. It could be he feels more comfortable with you and just doesn't feel the need to send a text every single morning (god knows I would find that annoying after a bit).

    Same advice we give you every time. Chillax yo.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
    Waaaa but why would he lose interest in me!?!

    I know, I know. I'm just curious if my call after he left was "crazy"?

    I am not speculating for a moment that he did but for the sake of discussion lets say he did.

    Ladies,based on my experience and discussions here.have a gazillion (I know,an exaggeration) go or no go hot buttons.
    They will swoon or be over and done with a guy on what sometimes can seem to be trivial issues.
    Perhaps this guy has had bad experiences with "clingy" behavior and it made him do a double take.
    Is it any different then things a guy might do which would end the loving feeling for you?

    If so,which I doubt at this point,just learn from it and go on.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    So I shouldn't call him, right??
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    So I shouldn't call him, right??

    The fact that you used two questions marks tells me not just no, but hell no. You aren't calling him because you have something to talk about, you'd be calling him to "check in" which is... clingy. You are still panicking. Have a glass of wine, shut off your phone and play with your nethers :wink:
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    So me calling him to make sure I didn't make him uncomfy could have been interpreted as clingy?

    Okay. Got it. I just wanted to make sure I didn't weird him out. This guy is like the hulk.. Only has had 2-3 gfs. He seems very shy and he said he's never approached a woman. It's usually a friend of a friend.

    Whatever.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    So I shouldn't call him, right??

    The fact that you used two questions marks tells me not just no, but hell no. You aren't calling him because you have something to talk about, you'd be calling him to "check in" which is... clingy. You are still panicking. Have a glass of wine, shut off your phone and play with your nethers :wink:

    I've had 3 beers and can't play because I'm on my period. :sad:
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    I am a male, and I can safely say I have no idea what is going through his mind.

    Possible thoughts:

    He simply wants to have sex with you, but he possibly feels guilty because he doesn't want
    to lead you on into believing he wants more than that.

    THAT BEING SAID: I have no idea.

    I am not saying you were offering sex, please don't get ridiculous on me, and attempt to say that I am calling you a *kitten*.

    I am not.

    That really is the only thing I can think of, besides what he said, but what he says doesn't necessarily make sense from a male perspective.

    If he knew you didn't care about what he was wearing, I don't understand his concern for it. Doesn't seem very logical.

    And also, do not call him. Let it settle for a few days. If he isn't initiating contact, he is simply not interested at that point.

    If you continue to call him you are probably going to push him away, UNLESS he is VERY interested in you,

    then he probably won't care about you being clingy, because ultimately that is what he would want.

    Then maybe you should call him?

    It is a tough call.

    EDIT: To reiterate, I really do not know what is going through his mind, my suggestion is the ONLY thing i can think of.
    He may or may not be guilty of that.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    I told him on our first date I don't hook up. I don't have sex unless I'm in an exclusive relationship. I made that very clear. And so far, he's been a complete gentleman. He's kept in contact and he seems to be genuinely interested in me,y interests, what I talk about, etc.

    So he knows I wasn't trying to go for it. I just wanted to get to 2nd base!! Usually I have to push the guy off of me so him saying he had to go shocked me but I think I played it cool. Regardless, I was just going with the flow so I won't be ashamed of being me. I am just not sure if calling him afterwards to check on him was ok.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    I told him on our first date I don't hook up. I don't have sex unless I'm in an exclusive relationship. I made that very clear. And so far, he's been a complete gentleman. He's kept in contact and he seems to be genuinely interested in me,y interests, what I talk about, etc.

    So he knows I wasn't trying to go for it. I just wanted to get to 2nd base!! Usually I have to push the guy off of me so him saying he had to go shocked me but I think I played it cool. Regardless, I was just going with the flow so I won't be ashamed of being me. I am just not sure if calling him afterwards to check on him was ok.

    While I appreciate what you are saying, you realize that every man hears this same story from every single female they encounter.

    Every single one.

    Every, single, one.

    So the fact that you went to great lengths to explain that, to him, means nothing because he has heard that story before.

    Regardless, like I said i do not know for sure. That is the ONLY thing i can logically think of.

    He may just have had a bad day, and didn't want to mess with any potential drama.

    I don't know.

    EDIT: It actually is almost a running joke between guy friends at this point, because we have all heard that song and dance.

    Keep in mind I am not trying to be rude, I am trying to shed light on the situation.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    Oh and also to reiterate, yeah just do not call him for now.

    If you want to initiate a good morning message tomorrow and see how he responds, that should be fine.

    That won't show any signs of "clingyness".
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
    I told him on our first date I don't hook up. I don't have sex unless I'm in an exclusive relationship. I made that very clear. And so far, he's been a complete gentleman. He's kept in contact and he seems to be genuinely interested in me,y interests, what I talk about, etc.

    So he knows I wasn't trying to go for it. I just wanted to get to 2nd base!! Usually I have to push the guy off of me so him saying he had to go shocked me but I think I played it cool. Regardless, I was just going with the flow so I won't be ashamed of being me. I am just not sure if calling him afterwards to check on him was ok.

    I may have missed it but what is 2nd base for you and does he know this?

    My point is that you said you needed to be exclusive but you initiated physical contact that could easily for a guy lead to sex.
    Maybe he took that as a sign you have moved to the exclusive point and then with the call seemed to be pushing for something he is not ready for.

    Just a W.A.G.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    I told him on our first date I don't hook up. I don't have sex unless I'm in an exclusive relationship. I made that very clear. And so far, he's been a complete gentleman. He's kept in contact and he seems to be genuinely interested in me,y interests, what I talk about, etc.

    So he knows I wasn't trying to go for it. I just wanted to get to 2nd base!! Usually I have to push the guy off of me so him saying he had to go shocked me but I think I played it cool. Regardless, I was just going with the flow so I won't be ashamed of being me. I am just not sure if calling him afterwards to check on him was ok.

    I may have missed it but what is 2nd base for you and does he know this?

    My point is that you said you needed to be exclusive but you initiated physical contact that could easily for a guy lead to sex.
    Maybe he took that as a sign you have moved to the exclusive point and then with the call seemed to be pushing for something he is not ready for.

    Just a W.A.G.

    This is also possible as well. That is assuming he believes what you said, which he

    may or may not, I am not him I do not know. Yes this could be a possible situation as well.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    I wont be initiating contact, for sure. He asked me out for next week so I'll wait for him to make the next move, if he does.

    Carl, we haven't talked about it in that way. What you're saying makes sense since we havent talked about it. Totally not what I was thinking but maybe he took it that way.

    What is WAG?
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
    I wont be initiating contact, for sure. He asked me out for next week so I'll wait for him to make the next move, if he does.

    Carl, we haven't talked about it in that way. What you're saying makes sense since we havent talked about it. Totally not what I was thinking but maybe he took it that way.

    What is WAG?

    Wild *kitten* Guess.
  • Mubb
    Mubb Posts: 90
    I didn't read the replies, but I also do 12 hour shifts with an hour drive to work each way.
    So I can tell you I just got home, and I'm wore the **** out. I do have a girl that I am thinking about
    But really, all I want right now is my pillow. Just give him a little room. Last thing in the world
    I would want to deal with would be an over needy person. He has to be into you. Just let him
    Recover from work, and I'm sure he will be very happy to see you agian