Talk me off the edge...

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Replies

  • julesboots
    julesboots Posts: 311 Member
    Sorry, I know what it's like to have this kind of thing on internal talk repeat. It's just one of the hazards of having unsure/insecure moments at the beginning of a relationship. Don't buy into it- easy to say.

    I went on a few dates with someone a couple of months ago, and I had maybe 2 of these moments that lasted about half a day each. I realized that I was putting myself in a one down position without reason, it stupidly made me like this guy more (without actual cause to), and I felt more invested than I actually was. Sorry- you know you'll be okay, but nothing is really a good distraction while thinking like this : ( Hope it passes quickly.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    I didn't read the replies, but I also do 12 hour shifts with an hour drive to work each way.
    So I can tell you I just got home, and I'm wore the **** out. I do have a girl that I am thinking about
    But really, all I want right now is my pillow. Just give him a little room. Last thing in the world
    I would want to deal with would be an over needy person. He has to be into you. Just let him
    Recover from work, and I'm sure he will be very happy to see you agian

    I don't know about this to be honest.

    This isn't that, I have been with a girl for 6 months, or I am married to my spouse and I know

    our sex routine type situation.

    This is the "We have never had sex before, incredibly high sexual tension, want to experience

    said person first time" situation.

    I just don't see how a man could be too tired for that kind of sex.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    When I think of the big picture, I see he's obviously into me. He is dog tired and still makes time for me. His reasoning was because he thinks a girl like me, wouldn't wait around for too long. I have let him know how much I appreciate him because of it.

    So I do understand that part. But hell, wouldn't a dead tired man still want to rub up on his 3rd date chick who he supposedly thinks is soooo hot and interesting???

    On our first date, I asked him "so what are you looking for (dating wise)?"
    He replied with "gosh, I don't know.... Well honestly, something Ive never had before."
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    So I do understand that part. But hell, wouldn't a dead tired man still want to rub up on his 3rd date chick who he supposedly thinks is soooo hot and interesting???

    He wouldn't logically. I can vouch for about 95% of men. I will concede, he MAY be the exception to the rule, however unlikely.

    That is why i point towards feelings of guilt, men are fairly logical, we don't make random decisions on whims.

    Generally if we act a certain way, there is a legitimate reason for doing so. We are not emotionally sporadic.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    I didn't read the replies, but I also do 12 hour shifts with an hour drive to work each way.
    So I can tell you I just got home, and I'm wore the **** out. I do have a girl that I am thinking about
    But really, all I want right now is my pillow. Just give him a little room. Last thing in the world
    I would want to deal with would be an over needy person. He has to be into you. Just let him
    Recover from work, and I'm sure he will be very happy to see you agian

    I don't know about this to be honest.

    This isn't that, I have been with a girl for 6 months, or I am married to my spouse and I know

    our sex routine type situation.

    This is the "We have never had sex before, incredibly high sexual tension, want to experience

    said person first time" situation.

    I just don't see how a man could be too tired for that kind of sex.

    Exactly!!! I mean, I could feel the guys boner!! Lol I said this to my BFF today... I'm new. It should be breath taking which it was. He was breathing hard, excited, I was moaning, etc. So WTF?!?
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
    I told him on our first date I don't hook up. I don't have sex unless I'm in an exclusive relationship. I made that very clear. And so far, he's been a complete gentleman. He's kept in contact and he seems to be genuinely interested in me,y interests, what I talk about, etc.

    So he knows I wasn't trying to go for it. I just wanted to get to 2nd base!! Usually I have to push the guy off of me so him saying he had to go shocked me but I think I played it cool. Regardless, I was just going with the flow so I won't be ashamed of being me. I am just not sure if calling him afterwards to check on him was ok.

    While I appreciate what you are saying, you realize that every man hears this same story from every single female they encounter.

    Every single one.

    Every, single, one.

    So the fact that you went to great lengths to explain that, to him, means nothing because he has heard that story before.

    Regardless, like I said i do not know for sure. That is the ONLY thing i can logically think of.

    He may just have had a bad day, and didn't want to mess with any potential drama.

    I don't know.

    EDIT: It actually is almost a running joke between guy friends at this point, because we have all heard that song and dance.

    Keep in mind I am not trying to be rude, I am trying to shed light on the situation.

    Not true.

    I'm totally open about it when I'm not looking for a relationship. Guys aren't the only ones capable of NSA sex.

    Oh, and I agree with the guys, don't initiate anything. I've done similar things... I can totally ride the crazy train a bit, but I just figure that it's gonna come out sooner or later and if the fact that I'm painfully open and honest is my biggest flaw, that's not so bad. My crazy is kinda like yours, in that if something bothers me, I'll say something/ask what's up.

    I don't really know anything about your situation, but a guy not trying to take things further would strike me as weird. When you said you weren't gonna hook up, did he say something similar? Maybe he's done enough of the fooling around thing and honestly is also trying to take things slow? Does that actually happen? Last time a guy told me he didn't want to do anything until we were exclusive... he also asked me to be exclusive on the first date lol
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    When I told him about not hooking up he replied with "I'm not opposed to it. But Id like something more than that" or something along those lines....
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    When I told him about not hooking up he replied with "I'm not opposed to it. But Id like something more than that" or something along those lines....

    Let us evaluate his options:

    You explain to him that you will UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES engage in a purely sexual relationship.

    If he wants a purely sexual relationship he can do one of two things:

    SAY "Yes I do not oppose it (sparing his guilt) but I am personally looking for more." Because assuming he has heard this song and dance, he knows the wrong way to approach it, is to be honest.

    OR He can say "You know I just want to ****"

    At that point you cease contact.

    The answer he gave you is his only option, in BOTH cases, therefore it is meaningless.
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
    When I told him about not hooking up he replied with "I'm not opposed to it. But Id like something more than that" or something along those lines....

    Let us evaluate his options:

    You explain to him that you will UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES engage in a purely sexual relationship.

    If he wants a purely sexual relationship he can do one of two things:

    SAY "Yes I do not oppose it (sparing his guilt) but I am personally looking for more." Because assuming he has heard this song and dance, he knows the wrong way to approach it, is to be honest.

    OR He can say "You know I just want to ****"

    At that point you cease contact.

    The answer he gave you is his only option, in BOTH cases, therefore it is meaningless.

    I was only asking what he said to see if he was opposed to it... as that could explain why he wasn't trying to get in OP's undies.

    That was pretty much the only guess I had. Sorry OP, I gots nothin'
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    I told him on our first date I don't hook up. I don't have sex unless I'm in an exclusive relationship. I made that very clear. And so far, he's been a complete gentleman. He's kept in contact and he seems to be genuinely interested in me,y interests, what I talk about, etc.

    So he knows I wasn't trying to go for it. I just wanted to get to 2nd base!! Usually I have to push the guy off of me so him saying he had to go shocked me but I think I played it cool. Regardless, I was just going with the flow so I won't be ashamed of being me. I am just not sure if calling him afterwards to check on him was ok.

    While I appreciate what you are saying, you realize that every man hears this same story from every single female they encounter.

    Every single one.

    Every, single, one.

    So the fact that you went to great lengths to explain that, to him, means nothing because he has heard that story before.

    Regardless, like I said i do not know for sure. That is the ONLY thing i can logically think of.

    He may just have had a bad day, and didn't want to mess with any potential drama.

    I don't know.

    EDIT: It actually is almost a running joke between guy friends at this point, because we have all heard that song and dance.

    Keep in mind I am not trying to be rude, I am trying to shed light on the situation.

    Not true.

    I'm totally open about it when I'm not looking for a relationship. Guys aren't the only ones capable of NSA sex.

    Oh, and I agree with the guys, don't initiate anything. I've done similar things... I can totally ride the crazy train a bit, but I just figure that it's gonna come out sooner or later and if the fact that I'm painfully open and honest is my biggest flaw, that's not so bad. My crazy is kinda like yours, in that if something bothers me, I'll say something/ask what's up.

    I don't really know anything about your situation, but a guy not trying to take things further would strike me as weird. When you said you weren't gonna hook up, did he say something similar? Maybe he's done enough of the fooling around thing and honestly is also trying to take things slow? Does that actually happen? Last time a guy told me he didn't want to do anything until we were exclusive... he also asked me to be exclusive on the first date lol

    By the way, i concede that there are always outliers to all sets of data.

    Outliers however do not dictate the rule.

    My point was that him saying what he said, is meaningless, because many times women

    say "we are not that kind of girl" as a way to rid guilt. So when the guy pushes for it

    she can mentally excuse herself.

    That is my point, it is a story all men have heard. It becomes a joke after a while.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    When I told him about not hooking up he replied with "I'm not opposed to it. But Id like something more than that" or something along those lines....

    Let us evaluate his options:

    You explain to him that you will UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES engage in a purely sexual relationship.

    If he wants a purely sexual relationship he can do one of two things:

    SAY "Yes I do not oppose it (sparing his guilt) but I am personally looking for more." Because assuming he has heard this song and dance, he knows the wrong way to approach it, is to be honest.

    OR He can say "You know I just want to ****"

    At that point you cease contact.

    The answer he gave you is his only option, in BOTH cases, therefore it is meaningless.

    I was only asking what he said to see if he was opposed to it... as that could explain why he wasn't trying to get in OP's undies.

    That was pretty much the only guess I had. Sorry OP, I gots nothin'

    Actually no that is the mind blowing thing, he turned (what men would interpret as a sexual invitation) down and left.

    This is why my conclusion remains he is simply feeling guilty.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
    I didn't read the replies, but I also do 12 hour shifts with an hour drive to work each way.
    So I can tell you I just got home, and I'm wore the **** out. I do have a girl that I am thinking about
    But really, all I want right now is my pillow. Just give him a little room. Last thing in the world
    I would want to deal with would be an over needy person. He has to be into you. Just let him
    Recover from work, and I'm sure he will be very happy to see you agian

    I don't know about this to be honest.

    This isn't that, I have been with a girl for 6 months, or I am married to my spouse and I know

    our sex routine type situation.

    This is the "We have never had sex before, incredibly high sexual tension, want to experience

    said person first time" situation.

    I just don't see how a man could be too tired for that kind of sex.

    Exactly!!! I mean, I could feel the guys boner!! Lol I said this to my BFF today... I'm new. It should be breath taking which it was. He was breathing hard, excited, I was moaning, etc. So WTF?!?

    With this new bit of information I am back to what I said before.

    Your 2nd base was leading to all the way for him but you had ruled that out without conditions.
    That is perfectly your right but now the guy is caught in either entering into something exclusive that he is not ready for or the possibility of buyers remorse if it kept going and you regretted it after.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    For now, do nothing. If it is Wednesday and you haven't heard anything, that's probably not a good sign.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    I didn't read the replies, but I also do 12 hour shifts with an hour drive to work each way.
    So I can tell you I just got home, and I'm wore the **** out. I do have a girl that I am thinking about
    But really, all I want right now is my pillow. Just give him a little room. Last thing in the world
    I would want to deal with would be an over needy person. He has to be into you. Just let him
    Recover from work, and I'm sure he will be very happy to see you agian

    I don't know about this to be honest.

    This isn't that, I have been with a girl for 6 months, or I am married to my spouse and I know

    our sex routine type situation.

    This is the "We have never had sex before, incredibly high sexual tension, want to experience

    said person first time" situation.

    I just don't see how a man could be too tired for that kind of sex.

    Exactly!!! I mean, I could feel the guys boner!! Lol I said this to my BFF today... I'm new. It should be breath taking which it was. He was breathing hard, excited, I was moaning, etc. So WTF?!?



    !?!?

    I swear, men confuse the hell out of me!
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member


    I swear, men confuse the hell out of me!

    Hit the post button by accident but honey,think how confused the guy may be too.
  • MikeM53082
    MikeM53082 Posts: 1,199 Member
    Don't contact him. Though nobody knows for sure, he's likely a goner.

    If he exhibits a certain behavior, like calling and texting everyday, and then suddenly breaks it.. something's amiss.

    Maybe he's looking for "that kind of girl".

    Ironically, every girl I had a first date with, who claimed that they weren't "that type of girl" usual put out within the first 2 dates (3 dates max). Guys hear that all the time, so it means relatively little.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    Well i meant it so to hell with him if that's what he wanted ir if I put him off by wanting to go further w/o sex.

    I did like him. Ah well.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    Don't contact him. Though nobody knows for sure, he's likely a goner.

    If he exhibits a certain behavior, like calling and texting everyday, and then suddenly breaks it.. something's amiss.

    Maybe he's looking for "that kind of girl".

    Ironically, everyday girl I had a first date with, who claimed that they weren't "that type of girl" usual put out within the first 2 dates (3 dates max). Guys hear that all the time, so it means relatively little.

    BOOOOOOOM!!!!!

    Thank you kind sir.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
    Well i meant it so to hell with him if that's what he wanted ir if I put him off by wanting to go further w/o sex.

    I did like him. Ah well.

    Hold on,while it is always a bad thing to presume to speak for all men I think here I am probably pretty close so listen please.

    We don`t have a first,second,third,fourth base...for us it is first base and from there circling third to home.
    You say he was physically turned on but you had already said no as per where you want to be.

    Think for a moment the situation that puts him (or us) in?
    Keep going and maybe crossing a line you have drawn but we don`t have a clue where it is?
    It sounds like he did an honorable thing and just walked away and maybe now is trying to sort it all out.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    Well i meant it so to hell with him if that's what he wanted ir if I put him off by wanting to go further w/o sex.

    I did like him. Ah well.

    I am not trying to ruin your day, like we said the best advice is to wait it out.

    He may be the outlier that simply had a bad day or whatnot.

    He may come around and be a great guy.

    Just realize that with the way the facts are pointing the situation isn't looking good.

    Don't react and text him, call him and yell at him, because like we said, I CANNOT FOR SURE say

    what he is thinking.

    Just try and understand that it may be a possibility.

    I hope nothing but the best of this situation for you.