How do you handle fat jokes?

TraciStivers
TraciStivers Posts: 116 Member
in Motivation and Support
How do you handle fat jokes?

Here's the situation; I am the only woman working with seven men. As far as I know they all like me. We joke and razz each other but it's usually all in good fun.

I am the only person in the office and it is frowned upon for me to lock the doors and go anywhere. So most days I pack my lunch. Today I did not. I called the guys who work from a garage next door. I asked if someone would come over to the office while I ran to pick something up. He responded "Yes, fat butt. I will come over while you go get food." I'm sure it was meant as a joke, but it was a very poor choice. To make matters worse, I heard all of the guys in the background with an audible "Ooooohhhh!" So they heard what he said.

He came. I left. I came back. I was very short with him. I still wasn't sure how to handle it.

He asked "What did you get?"
I responded "Food."

A few minutes later he asked "Are you having a bad day?"
I responded "No."

A few minutes later he asked "Okay, whats your problem?"
I responded "You're an *kitten*."
He knew why I was mad because he immediately said "Is this about the fat comment?"
I responded "Yes."

Then he said "Alright, sorry."
To which I responded "No. You wanted to act big in front of all the guys? You can apologize in front of all of the guys."

He left without saying another word.



How do you handle stuff like that? It hurt my feelings and really pissed me off. Should I have just accepted that lame apology? Because now I'll probably never get one.
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Replies

  • Philllbis
    Philllbis Posts: 801 Member
    You might not get an apology but he probably won't do it again. If he does, tell him his junk is small. There's no good comeback to that!
  • lalee2
    lalee2 Posts: 7
    I think you should be very direct with him and tell him how you felt and tell him it was not appropriate and that you do indeed expect an apology (if you really want one). However, he may not mean it if you ask him to do it. I had something similar happen to me at work a few years ago. I was humilated. I reported it to my boss who then made sure the offending party apologized to me. I didn't want his apology because I knew he was only apologizing because he had to. Thankfully, I didn't have to work with him every day, but when I ran into him again I just ignored him. I don't have time for people like that. There are mean and ignorant people everywhere. However, in the work place there an expected professionalism. I believe it is management's responsiblity to make sure everyone is treated appropriately. So first you speak up for yourself with the person and secondly --let management be made aware as well. If he bullies you and gets away with it, he will bully others. Stop him.
  • philmotman
    philmotman Posts: 3
    if you get any more fat comments just say i can diet you will always be ugly lol and dont let the ba**ards get you down.:laugh:
  • edge_dragoncaller
    edge_dragoncaller Posts: 826 Member
    You might not get an apology but he probably won't do it again. If he does, tell him his junk is small. There's no good comeback to that!

    That would work or just say something like "Ah, are you angry because your wife called out my name again?" Then the next time he sets up the same scenario and asks you what you got, you can say "your wife."

    Any time you can not only use his wife, but imply that you...as a woman...are satisfying his wife more than he...as a man... is, that'll kill him.
  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
    I think it's good he recognised he'd crossed a line, and apologised. There's no need for you to insult back.
  • TraciStivers
    TraciStivers Posts: 116 Member
    I think you should be very direct with him and tell him how you felt and tell him it was not appropriate and that you do indeed expect an apology (if you really want one). However, he may not mean it if you ask him to do it. I had something similar happen to me at work a few years ago. I was humilated. I reported it to my boss who then made sure the offending party apologized to me. I didn't want his apology because I knew he was only apologizing because he had to. Thankfully, I didn't have to work with him every day, but when I ran into him again I just ignored him. I don't have time for people like that. There are mean and ignorant people everywhere. However, in the work place there an expected professionalism. I believe it is management's responsiblity to make sure everyone is treated appropriately. So first you speak up for yourself with the person and secondly --let management be made aware as well. If he bullies you and gets away with it, he will bully others. Stop him.

    Unfortunately, he is management.
  • lalee2
    lalee2 Posts: 7
    I was afraid you were going to tell me he was management. Sorry to hear that.
  • jg627
    jg627 Posts: 1,221 Member
    When guys tease, it's because they like you.
  • lalee2
    lalee2 Posts: 7
    I don't agree that "when guys tease they like you". Bullying is not a form of flattery.
  • Sarah_Wins
    Sarah_Wins Posts: 936 Member
    You know that in a few months, those jerks are going to be falling all over themselves at your progress. That's all you need keep in mind.
  • MSam1205
    MSam1205 Posts: 439 Member
    This is a working environment, not a hangout and there are rules, especially for mgmt. you have options if you choose to explore them, but I'd suggest a sit down with a neutral person and explain why what he said and how he acted were offensive and inappropriate for the workplace. Responding with similar rude comments only sinks you to his level!
  • Sarah_Wins
    Sarah_Wins Posts: 936 Member
    When guys tease, it's because they like you.

    That's what my 2nd grade teacher told me. I'm pretty sure we're talking about adults here.
  • deniseblossoms
    deniseblossoms Posts: 373 Member
    They must not have any sort of work place harassment training. We can cure our weight issue, no cure for some people and their stupidity.
  • rdianemu
    rdianemu Posts: 132 Member
    I worked with a bunch of guys for years on thirds at a dairy. Don't let them know you are angry. It will probably just make it happen again. With the guys I worked with it was an everyday thing for us to mess with each other. The key was not to let anyone know something got to you and get even later. Not very mature or healthy but that's how it was. He said a stupid thing but he probably did not mean too much by his comment.
  • MSam1205
    MSam1205 Posts: 439 Member
    When guys tease, it's because they like you.

    That's what my 2nd grade teacher told me. I'm pretty sure we're talking about adults here.

    ^^Totally agree ^^. This is a workplace!
  • Mina133842
    Mina133842 Posts: 1,573 Member
    well, the direct approach is usually best in my opinion - I think you handled it the best you could. I have 4 brothers, and used to be in a Metal shop - men insult each other all the time, and it's not usually personal, but it's not usually acceptable to have "shop talk" out where other people not involved can hear or have it directed at them.

    sometimes adding "little" in front of their name- little John, Lil Bill, etc....makes them insecure....people will wonder why you call them Little. you can answer this in a number of ways: think of them as a little kid (meaning immature), I heard him called that somewhere, and it just kind of stuck, etc.... as it's a supervisor, I don't know if hurling more insults would help.

    THEN there's always the Mean Prank: you can order something from a company that sends something "discreetly" in the mail, addressed to him, and have it sent to the shop- you'd have to be careful of using a gift card, something that doesn't trace to you - use a pre-paid Visa gift card for this- then ESPECIALLY if it's a shop - they may think it's parts or something, and it gets opened up in front of everyone.....

    As I said, I have 4 brothers and have been in the shop environment- most of these things have been done "as a joke" from the guys razzing each other. They are completely immature and messed up, but make me laugh at the jokes/pranks they pull - they STILL know where to draw the line....well, usually anyway.

    there's always this: Why are you checking out my butt?
  • Frozen300
    Frozen300 Posts: 223 Member
    So hard for a guy to talk with guys all day, laughing and bull**ting the day away, then have to talk with some one who is sensitive to "bullying". I tell everyone at work that they have their job on the line everytime you "tease" a girl. She may laugh with you 99 times, but that one time where she goes home and cries into a pillow is the day that you are in big trouble. The guy was sensitive enough to know he messed up, he apologized and I'm certain he'll watch what he says around you.
  • RunningOnPurple
    RunningOnPurple Posts: 119 Member
    Normally, i would just agree and say something like, "You're right I do have a fat butt. Good thing, because it matches my thighs!"

    That's probably not helpful, though.
  • nutandbutter
    nutandbutter Posts: 447
    Sorry no advice but what a douche.
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
    The other day in the gym after I had finished lifting, I had a guy say to me, "No matter what you lift you will always be a cow." To which I replied with, " I may be a cow but you are such a big d*ck that you must actually have a small d*ck in those shorts!"

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