Failing Marriage

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Replies

  • GetDemGainz
    GetDemGainz Posts: 60
    It's not uncommon to love someone but not be "in love". It happens. But, you work through that. It's what a marriage is. I've been married for almost 17 yrs and it's still give and take. You mentioned you had found a lot of your "faiths and beliefs again". If so, talk to your pastor. Good perspective to have before considering to spend money on know it all counselors. Hang in there and good luck to you.
  • NavyKnightAh13
    NavyKnightAh13 Posts: 1,394 Member
    you all realize the OP was from 8 months ago right?!?!

    She made up her mind.. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/772048-divorce-and-emotional-eating Not attacking, just posting.
  • SorrowsTengo
    SorrowsTengo Posts: 18 Member
    Life is about change and compromise. Sadly when there are kids involved as a mother sometimes we have to sacrifice our own happiness and needs for what is best for them If our not being beat on, abused or cheated on and have stated you love him then I say try to work things out. communication is the key here and family really is everything. If you walk away now will you really be happier because of it? I've been married 18 long years and been through some very rough years but I'm still here. Sometimes I'm in love with him and sometimes I wanna choke him lol...my points is you are going to have your ups and downs but you and only you can decide if you are strong enough and your family is worth enough to keep trying.......when I asked myself that question three years ago and was ready to walk out and leave everything behind me.....my answer was a resonding yes....I am strong enough to endure all the trial of life....the in love feeling will come and go...but its the fact you love him that should make you want to at least try to work it out......what will your life be like without him? what will your childrens lives be with out him? Its not right he asked you to keep your beliefs to your self and insults them but maybe he just does not understand...its human nature to fear the unknown......my advice..help him understand.....good luck
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
    Leaving your husband WILL jack up your kids. and even your in laws if you are even a little bit close to them. My uncle left my aunt, and at the time my cousins were already in their 20's... Just because they were older didn't make it any easier on them. they are seriously messed up psychologically because of it. Plus, your kids grandparents will be loosing grand kids, and cousins, and aunts and uncles will all have a part of them missing if you just take the kids and dissapear from their lives. and I promise you, that no matter how much you think you won't you will. Going through this is an absolutely aweful thing. I would agree with everyone else on getting counseling. And if you DO decide to leave, make sure that it's a mutual thing, not just one sided. if it's just you, then PLEASE take some time to work on it, and sit down with a pen and paper and write down everything you love about this man. Relationships are hard, but you should try to stay in the mind set of our grandparents.... if it's broken, we fix it. Don't just throw this away and go out and get a new one....

    I am a product of divorced parents. I was 19 when the divorce happened, my siblings were 17, 15, 7 and NOT a single one of us was seriously messed up psychologically because of it. My paternal grandmother blamed me for the divorce, as did my aunts and uncles so I stopped talking to them all NOT because my parents divorced but because I got tired of having to defend what I did which resulted in the divorce (I caught my dad cheating on my mother - and I basically said "you tell her or I will" )

    My youngest sibling is now 18 and he is absolutely well adjusted and not mentally/emotionally screwed up infact he is one of the most well adjusted people I know.

    Going through a a divorce CAN be awful but it doesn't have to be, when the divorce started happening my mother VOWED that she would NEVER talk about my father infront of us or too us. MY father did the same and both stuck to that (I chose to not have a relationship with my dad but that is a whole other ball of wax that doesn't have anything to do with the fact that him and my mom divorced). I think that a divorce is between the parents and as long as both parents are adults about the whole thing it does not have to be traumatic or awful for the children involved. You are not ripping your children away from their family, you ARE changing the family dynamic however and you do need to remember that any kind of change takes time to get used to it.

    I realize this post is over 8 months old and I am sure the OP has made her decision by now and I do not think divorce should be the first thing you jump to but one post on a forum really does not give the entire world the entire story. There are always 3 sides to a story - hers, his and the combination which is usually where you get the full picture. OP I hope you made a decision that was right for you, your husband (or EX now) and your children.

    Edited to fix a sentence.
  • charlybu
    charlybu Posts: 47 Member
    All you're doing here is asking for our permission to leave him. I for one, won't give it to you unless there is actual abuse or infidelity.

    The most important thing in a marriage is commitment, not love. You can't even develop true, deep love without true commitment. True love is not self-serving, and it has nothing to do with "feeling in love" (though that is a nice side effect). You vows did not say "till I fall out of love with you". Marriage is till death part you.

    There is no reason why you can't save your marriage if you want to. If you do decide to save your marriage, it will be even better in the end for having come through this trial. If you decide to give up at the first sign of trouble it is most likely (statistically speaking) that you will never have a happy marriage, and that your children will suffer and have a much greater likelihood of getting into trouble and ending up with multiple failed marriages of their own. Would you willingly do that to them?

    Divorce (without the reason of abuse and/or infidelity problems) is the most selfish and destructive thing you can do to yourself and your family.

    I have no patience for this kind of floozy crap. Put your big girl panties on and do the right thing.
  • chopzgurl05
    chopzgurl05 Posts: 84 Member
    I am pagan and married. I have been pagan for 13 years now. I have a lot of pagan friends. I even have pagan friends whose husbands are Christian, devout Catholics, Buddhist, etc etc. They are all happily married and supportive of each other.
    It seems like there is more to this than just your religious and ethical beliefs which should have been topics that you discussed with each other before entering a marriage.
    I have been with my husband for 10 years, there have been some rough times where we thought the marriage wouldn't last. If you are both seriously committed to your family and relationship you will figure out a way to work through your issues and move on.
    Only you and people who know you personally can have any real opinion on what you should or shouldn't do.
  • TorontoDiane
    TorontoDiane Posts: 1,413 Member
    leaving a marriage or a relationship is a very personal thing.. and 10 people will give you 10 different opinions.. only you truly know yourself.. seek professional advice if you are truly confused about changing your life/love.. but life is too short to be tormented

    good luck :)
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    OP is divorcing
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/772048-divorce-and-emotional-eating

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