Climbing back on the wagon and following the light...

After 21 months of absence, I'm back...not the way I would have hoped, though. In these past almost 2 years my life has gone through numerous changes...nothing I want to bore anyone with...nothing I want to use as an excuse...just the bottom line: I have failed myself, not only because I gained back all the weight I had previously lost (and then some), but because, once again, I failed to ask for help and support. I love this site and, in the past, there was always someone cheering me on as I made progress, but once I fell into the black pit, I was just too ashamed to ask someone to help me out and so I 'free fell' into my own personal hell. I'd like to point out that I'm like this in everything I do: I'm just too proud, too 'strong', to worried about others witnessing my failure to just let myself go.
My first thought, as I logged back on today, was to cancel my account and reappear as someone 'new'...Now, how cowardly is that? Then I decided that if I'm really going to make a change, I need to change my inside too -- no hiding, no pretending but just putting the 'ugly' out there for everyone to see. I reread what I wrote when I first opened my account 2 years ago and I still can't believe the strength and motivation I felt...I want that back! As I write, I see a glimmer of that light and I'm going to follow it...