How do you deal with comments on your weight?

misscaseymac
misscaseymac Posts: 38
in Motivation and Support
That but... is what gets me. All my life I have had people compliment my face, and up to a few years ago my body. Boo hoo hoo for me, I know. But the last two years after stopping taking Adderall I ballooned almost 60+ pounds. I know my metabolism isn't what it used to be, and I'm trying to eat right and exercise a lot. That's all well and good. My problem is the awful comments that I get from people who think they are paying me a compliment by saying, " You have such a beautiful face, now if you'd only loose a little weight." It's a total backhand. As if my face were not good enough for my body, or my body for my face. Comments like that creep under my skin, even though I am confident, motivated and successful in almost every other way. It really has been throwing me into a funk recently, especially because I don't know whether or not to be combative in my answer or accept the "help" and/or "motivation" that the person bestows on me. I just don't know what to do, and it wares a girl down sometimes.

How do you guys deal with back handed compliments and /or comments on your weight??

xo

Replies

  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    do what i did. People used to say i "carry my weight well." just say thanks.
  • operation_cute
    operation_cute Posts: 588 Member
    I had a guy who knew me from high school who said "you used to be so hot" (I was 120 lbs all through high school) and in college I was out to eat with 2 of my friends and my guy "friend" was scoring both of us from 1 - 10 gave my other friend a 9 and me a 3 and said that "I know why" :( I kind of just sulked my head down and tried to dissapear :( Not sure what to do in situations like that :/
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    do what i did. People used to say i "carry my weight well." just say thanks.

    Yep! I wouldn't get combative about it to be honest. I think people say things or make throw away/off hand comments all the time without thinking them through. Personally I think if I get bent out of shape over a comment it's down to it hitting my own negative nerve about myself.
  • misscaseymac
    misscaseymac Posts: 38
    I just feel that if i always say thanks or accept what they are saying they won't realize their comments are hurtful, even if they don't mean or don't realize it. It's a rough one- and Zook, that guy from your high school was a real *kitten*. Just sayin, doll.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    I had a guy who knew me from high school who said "you used to be so hot" (I was 120 lbs all through high school) and in college I was out to eat with 2 of my friends and my guy "friend" was scoring both of us from 1 - 10 gave my other friend a 9 and me a 3 and said that "I know why" :( I kind of just sulked my head down and tried to dissapear :( Not sure what to do in situations like that :/

    Thats awful! :mad:
  • behappio
    behappio Posts: 2
    If someone says I'm getting a bit chubs, I take it into perspective and watch my intake.
    People aren't insulting you. They're describing you and giving advice-normal human behavior.
  • youngcaseyr
    youngcaseyr Posts: 293 Member
    People can be just as judgmental towards thin people, so I have the opposite problem: people tell me that I'm too skinny, but I just tell them that it's because I work out and eat healthy.They ask me, "don't you want a nice round butt or bigger boobs? You can't have that when you're so skinny," or they're constantly telling me that I need to eat more or even stop working out. I, personally, love my body now and am happier with my diet and the way that I look than I've ever been, but there's such a stigma against "skinny" people that we're automatically labelled as unhealthy. I can tell that some women, especially, behave differently towards me because of it.
  • kellzi89
    kellzi89 Posts: 65 Member
    Just remember you can lose the weight but they will always be ugly on the inside.
  • jenster2373
    jenster2373 Posts: 6
    I think it's emotionally healthy and empowering for you to "stand up" for yourself, but also recognize that what others think doesn't matter- that it's what's in your heart that really counts. So, do their comments bother you because you're buying into the negativity? Probably. I was guilty of that too. So this is what I did with comments like that: I gave a smile, hand on my hip, and said, "actually, I'm rocking these curves and feeling fabulous", or something along those lines. It wasn't unkind to them but it did let them know I feel just fine about myself. It was a subtle way to say, "Hey, don't knock me. I'm great just the way I am". I didn't, at first, really think that mind you, but after a while, I started to. You see, it's all about what you buy into, what you listen to, what you choose to believe. After saying I looked fab, despite someone else saying or implying otherwise, I started to really believe it. And with that confidence came a whole lot of satisfaction and even some motivation to do what i wanted FOR MYSELF. <3
  • tados
    tados Posts: 68
    I had a guy who knew me from high school who said "you used to be so hot" (I was 120 lbs all through high school) and in college I was out to eat with 2 of my friends and my guy "friend" was scoring both of us from 1 - 10 gave my other friend a 9 and me a 3 and said that "I know why" :( I kind of just sulked my head down and tried to dissapear :( Not sure what to do in situations like that :/

    This guy sounds like a real *kitten*!
  • bumblebeeboots
    bumblebeeboots Posts: 8
    Just remember you can lose the weight but they will always be ugly on the inside.
    very true !
  • operation_cute
    operation_cute Posts: 588 Member
    I had a guy who knew me from high school who said "you used to be so hot" (I was 120 lbs all through high school) and in college I was out to eat with 2 of my friends and my guy "friend" was scoring both of us from 1 - 10 gave my other friend a 9 and me a 3 and said that "I know why" :( I kind of just sulked my head down and tried to dissapear :( Not sure what to do in situations like that :/

    This guy sounds like a real *kitten*!

    It was actually 2 different guys unfortunately :/ one was from high school and the other was from college :/
  • MadDogManor
    MadDogManor Posts: 1,531 Member
    I didn't wear my glasses at work one day. A coworker said "your face is pretty today, what's different" ????
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    I just feel that if i always say thanks or accept what they are saying they won't realize their comments are hurtful, even if they don't mean or don't realize it. It's a rough one- and Zook, that guy from your high school was a real *kitten*. Just sayin, doll.

    trust me, they realize.
  • willnevergiveup
    willnevergiveup Posts: 141 Member
    The nicest comments I've heard are from friends and co-workers.

    The nastiest have been from my in-laws.

    MIL:Didn't you used to be fat? Well,it's about time you lost weight! I don't know why my son is still married to you--he could have married someone who's skinny. (We've been married 33 years.)

    My SIL is more subtle, telling people that I've Iost weight by having surgery or that I have cancer (wishful thinking on her part) or that I have an eating disorder. Of course,this gets back to me and even though I deny it, people aren't always certain of who's telling the truth. Some have talked to my husband and he finally had it out with his sister and her lies.

    I've cut those two off and refuse to see or talk to them. Life is just too short!
  • Morninglory81
    Morninglory81 Posts: 1,190 Member
    I just feel that if i always say thanks or accept what they are saying they won't realize their comments are hurtful, even if they don't mean or don't realize it. It's a rough one- and Zook, that guy from your high school was a real *kitten*. Just sayin, doll.
    if it is someone close to you take them aside and let them know what their comments are doing to you. If it is a nobody smile nood and move on.
  • operation_cute
    operation_cute Posts: 588 Member
    The nicest comments I've heard are from friends and co-workers.

    The nastiest have been from my in-laws.

    MIL:Didn't you used to be fat? Well,it's about time you lost weight! I don't know why my son is still married to you--he could have married someone who's skinny. (We've been married 33 years.)

    My SIL is more subtle, telling people that I've Iost weight by having surgery or that I have cancer (wishful thinking on her part) or that I have an eating disorder. Of course,this gets back to me and even though I deny it, people aren't always certain of who's telling the truth. Some have talked to my husband and he finally had it out with his sister and her lies.

    I've cut those two off and refuse to see or talk to them. Life is just too short!

    Yikes! your inlaws sound worse than mine! :( so sorry they do that to you :(
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,324 Member
    My husband always tells me how thick skinned men are; how they tell each other how fat they're getting..even bald! Men take it in stride. as a funny truth.

    But we women..just don't have that sense of humor. when a child says you have bad breath..chances are you do. and when someone says.."you've got a pretty face." they're trying to compliment you by overlooking how overweight you may be. . But, it hurts your feelings and they shouldn't do it....but they don't mean to hurt you.

    What if you were ugly and fat? (jk..trying to laugh it off...)


    seriously..the best thing about being imperfect...is that the perfect people for you see beyond the imperfections to the person inside. a real plus..when you're plus sized. The quality people will truly see you! it is just weight..gain..lose.. you are you.

Categories