Boyfriends and strip clubs

This is my opinion - I think that "forbidding" anything for a man is like hanging a steak in front of him and telling him not to eat it - he's going to. If you aren't comfortable with him going to strip clubs, I think it's up to you to decide if you can handle being with someone who goes to them say 6x/year. Personally, I HATE strip clubs for a lot of reasons, but I don't forbid it and I actually encourage my boyfriend to go WITH ME (with me being the appropriate phrase here). At least for us, with me being so open about it, it encourages him to be honest and then I have a better idea of what's really going on and I can judge his personality and habits better. If I forbid him to do it, he might do it anyway and just not tell me, or he'd resent me for telling him what he can and can't do. In all fairness, I don't want him to tell me what to do either, so it works.

I know there are plenty of men who do go to strip clubs, and plenty of men who don't. It's up to you to decide if this is something you want to deal with.

If you haven't ever been to one, I would encourage you to go for a couple of reasons:
1. In my opinion, it is a lot less harmless than it appears. Yes, there is an awful, terrible, gross and downright filthy side to strip clubs. The last time I went with my boyfriend, it was not at all this way. He bought me a lap dance as a joke, we talked to a stripper (who was 40 by the way with 5 kids and had one heck of a life story), had a couple of drinks, and were on our way.
2. I don't think a lot of men get off to strip clubs as much as we think they do. I think that it's like going to a sports bar; strippers are something to look at while they talk to their friends and have "guy time".
3. Peer pressure: Men who tell other men that they don't want to go to strip clubs are "*kitten*", so even if they don't want to go, they go anyway.
4. If you go to a strip club sober, it will probably make you feel kind of sad - not only for the girls working (who may or may not have a choice about their vocation), but also for the men. Some are lonely, widowed, in terrible marriages/relationships, or are just looking to get totally wasted. You don't often find sober men at a strip club - according to my boyfriend, it's because booze makes the whole experience a little more palatable. He said that a lot of guys that he knows feel really sorry for the strippers, and booze helps them to not focus on that so much.

Hope this was helpful. I have had to deal with it in my own mind and actually going to one helped me to realize that it isn't as glamorous as I thought it was. Talk to him, but understand that if you give him an ultimatum, he will probably either lie to you or resent you. In a lot of cases, the more you tell someone they can't or shouldn't do something, the more they're going to do it... just not tell you.

No, I didn't trust him at the time...

Yet were planning on marrying him?!

Who the fawk goes to hooters anymore..what is he 17?

I dont have an issue with my man going to strip clubs, but going to these place so often is such a big turn off, very inmature..

Guys and strip clubs! I just don't get what they get going to see strippers! Call me old fashion, but going to one when you have a GF or married is total disrespect to your partner. Even when I was single, all my friends would go and I'd tell them have a blast, I'm out.

Well, first off, you really need to decide for yourself what you are willing to put up with for the rest of your life and what you aren't.

Then, you really need to sit down and have a conversation with him. You need to tell him how these behaviors make you feel, that you are beginning to have doubts about this relationship because of it, and then you need to see if some compromises can be made as far as what he wants and what you want.

If he loves you, he will respect your wishes. If he doesn't respect your wishes, then you might consider that he might not be "the one" (I really hate that expression) for you after all.

If you are knowingly dating the kind of man who goes to that kind of place, then you made that choice, you have to live with it. You can't stop him from being the kind of man he is. You don't date one kind of person and expect him to be a different kind of person.

You either accept that having a man who comes home drunk from strip clubs is going to be your way of life for good, or you date someone whose lifestyle is more comfortable to you.

^- This. My boyfriend got taken to a breastaurant by my ex (long story, lol) and they did a group photo with all the waitresses and he came home disappointed with the food and in the photo you can see he's got a good foot or more between him and the woman he's supposed to be in the picture with. Some guys aren't that drinking/strip club type, some guys are, it's your choice whether or not you can live with him being like that, but you can't ask him to change. Well you can, but take it from experience that it usually doesn't end well. My alcoholic ex stopped drinking for me and when he dumped me afterwards for being a 'psycho controlling b' and he went on a three-day bender and to this day has no idea what happened. <-- why I wanted him to stop in the first place

Unless it's a new thing for him to be doing that, in which case that could be a cry for help or something else going on with him that you should talk about directly.

I also know that until there is a ring on my finger, my opinion is considered significantly less important.

The ring changes nothing...somebody will do what somebody wants...married or not...

Dont date a guy who loves going to strip clubs then...problem solved. You knew that when you got into the relationship. Take him as he is, or move on.




im lucky my guy could care less about strip clubs..... although I told him i wanted to go to one with him just to see what all the fuss was about haha

Start working in one? You certainly look good enough and it would allow you to spend more time with him.

BTW yeah .. I would find it more concerning that he is driving home drunk. NOT cool at all.