A Bad Thing Happened To My Friend

Mythril
Mythril Posts: 146 Member
in Chit-Chat
Today I made a mistake. I went to a chinese buffet. I thought it would be okay because I had gone to a regular buffet before and did excellent. But there just was no easy choice at this place. Won't be doing that again.

But that is not my point. I have a friend. He is 6' something and weight nearly 400 lbs. I think he's a handsome boy, with bright blue eyes and blonde hair and a one sided dimple smile. If you met him you would like him. He has some hang ups and such, but he is a true friend and he loves people and art. We have been friends since I was in the 10th grade. He's an outgoing person, and he doesn't mind drawing attention to himself. He used to wear skirts to school every opportunity he got just for the shock factor. He likes to yell randomly in public and say odd things because it amuses him to no end. So it surprised me to see the effect this had on him.

So when I returned from my damaging trip to the buffet I saw him hanging his head, with the menu blocking his plate. I sat down across from him and he glanced over at the other side of the room, muttering something in his passive way. Obviously he was uncomfortable so I asked him what was up. He said that the people on the other side of the room (who were rather loud and obnoxious) had made fun of him as he returned from the buffet. They saw his plate and shouted "aaaaaaaw dang!" and kept pointing at him and laughing. That's why he was trying to cover himself up while he ate. I shot a glare over at them but they were wrapped up in their obnoxious activities. And my friend was uncomfortable the rest of the night. They never said or did anything while I, my husband and our friend (who is also overweight) were sitting there.

I just don't get why someone else would say anything about someone as loud as they could so that someone could hear. I've heard of fat shaming, I understand that people are doing it trying to get someone to lose weight. But you see my friend doesn't want to lose weight, he isn't trying to lose weight and that's his business. What he eats is his business. I think it's very rude to make fun of him for eating, especially since it was his first plate of food and he only got one thing (he's very picky but he gets a lot of the things he likes.) And he felt awful the whole time. Like fat people aren't allowed to enjoy life, they need to be ashamed.

I feel like this sometimes when people give me looks in restaurants. And I've gotten some really nasty ones. It's very deflating when you just finish making excellent choices and you eat a healthy meal and someone does that to you. It makes me feel guilty that I even ate anything, like I shouldn't be in public or I don't deserve food because of how fat I am. But that's counter productive, you HAVE to eat to live and you have to eat to lose weight. Telling me to tell them off or telling me not to mind them is good advice, but I'm not confrontational and it DOES bother me to a degree. Yes, I'll be over it soon enough but man what gives people the right to hurt you?

I just wanted someone out there to hear what these people did to my friend, who I love and doesn't deserve to have this happen to him.
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Replies

  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,487 Member
    Some peole are d#cks and deserved to have their smug looks wiped off their face. The end.
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
    Some peole are d#cks and deserved to have their smug looks wiped off their face. The end.

    Yep
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Sorry that happened to your friend. You're right, it's up to him and only him if he wants to lose weight and weird people who would say anything are weird and the ones with the problem. Hopefully your friend wasn't doing any of the weird *kitten* you described in the second paragraph and that started things down this overly attentive to him road.
  • cebanczak
    cebanczak Posts: 2
    I'm so sorry to hear about that. No matter where you are in life it can be truly shattering to have people treat you that way. Can I offer advice? My brother relayed this from his psychologist, a man who I have a great deal of respect for. If that ever happens again, walk up to the people and call them on it.

    Don't scream, don't be in-their-face, but just say "hey, what you did there, is not alright. You don't have the right to treat people like that." Then you walk away. It seems counterintuitive, but it does work. Its important folks realize that these actions are not okay. It's worked wonders for my younger brother who has gotten harassed in public before (for being a '*kitten*') and had to stand up for himself. It's also worked for me. Sometimes you just need to call people on their insensitivities.

    *I've found that by standing up for the people I love it does a lot to reverse the damage others can inflict.
  • ApocalypticFae
    ApocalypticFae Posts: 217 Member
    Some peole are d#cks and deserved to have their smug looks wiped off their face. The end.

    Basically, this. My heart goes out to anyone who is publicly ridiculed like that.
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
    If someone gave me an "awwwwww dang!" for the mountain of food on my plate I would wear it like a badge of honor.
  • StinkyWinkies
    StinkyWinkies Posts: 603 Member
    I am so sorry...I am also so tired of people being judgmental so much so I want to start just slapping people...(yes, I get the irony in there)
  • dicoveringwhoIam
    dicoveringwhoIam Posts: 480 Member
    Unfortunately we live in Ohio one of the meanest and cruelest states.. I'm sorry :-/
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
    If someone gave me an "awwwwww dang!" for the mountain of food on my plate I would wear it like a badge of honor.

    I might make *them* wear it like one.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
    That is completely awful. :(

    Jebus help the person that tries to do that to me.
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
    I might try to start crying on the spot to make them feel super bad. Or I'd show them how pissed off I am and maybe throw my food at them
  • VorJoshigan
    VorJoshigan Posts: 1,106 Member
    I might try to start crying on the spot to make them feel super bad. Or I'd show them how pissed off I am and maybe throw my food at them
    As long as we're going down that road, how about eating a few more plates and then projectile vomiting all over the miscreants?
  • kckBxer396
    kckBxer396 Posts: 460 Member
    I have a bad temper and a big heart, so that wouldn't have went well. People aren't called out enough for being cruel. It's immature and stupid. I don't understand the need or want that people feel to act like that.
  • DorisInTheDena
    DorisInTheDena Posts: 150 Member
    Twelve years ago, I weighed 340 pounds. I have had so many things said to me. Honestly, the way I usually dealt with it was to approach and sweetly say, "I'm sorry. Did you say something to me? I'm not sure I heard you." Most people would never repeat what they had said and may never tease someone like that again for fear of being confronted. In the end, people that say things to others feel bad about themselves and are trying to feel better by teasing others. I truly believe that.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
    I'm really sorry that happened to your friend. It's not okay. :flowerforyou:
  • Lutah7
    Lutah7 Posts: 45
    He is truly blessed to have such a friend in you. I'm sorry you were both hurt in this. You be there for him, we will be here for you.... Or get him in here and we will smother him with care and support and cheers and acceptance........ Mission accepted? Go girl!
  • ashleyisgreat
    ashleyisgreat Posts: 586 Member
    Terrible. Were these teenagers? In my experience, people of all ages can be cruel, but teens are the most vocal about it. I've gotten dirty looks from older women, but the only ones who have ever said anything out loud (often to their friends) were teens. I just chalk it up to serious self-esteem issues on their part, and that usually makes me feel a little better. They're trying to be cool and the only way they know how to do it is by acting like douchenozzles. Mean people suck and they always will, so we have to just try to remember that we're awesome and that mean people aren't.
  • TribeHokie
    TribeHokie Posts: 711 Member
    If that ever happens again, walk up to the people and call them on it.

    Don't scream, don't be in-their-face, but just say "hey, what you did there, is not alright. You don't have the right to treat people like that." Then you walk away. It seems counterintuitive, but it does work.

    I like this. Do this. And I will do this if anyone I know is ever harassed around me.

    Hugs for your bro
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    We're all judgmental to some degree. I am judgmental of you: I think you are compassionate, smart and sensitive. I make this judgment based on what you've written here, and how you've written it. I don't really know you, though.

    You asked why people would be mean, and what gives them the right to say mean things to you or people you care about. People are judgmental. Some people are mean. I wish there was a better explanation, but there isn't. The only control I have over this is how I react to other people. I cannot control them. Sure, I can tell them off, I can ignore them, I can confront them, I can freak out and kill them even. I can influence their future choices perhaps. But I cannot change them (even the extreme example of murder is not really changing who that person is - I've only ended their life). So I try to focus on what I can control, which is almost always exclusively me.

    Based on your description of your friend (outgoing, gregarious at school) I wonder if something else is going on. As rude and mean as pointing and laughing at someone's plate of food and saying "aaaaaaaw dang!" might be, I can't imagine it's even close to the cruelest thing your friend has faced, especially if he went to school in a skirt in high school. I wonder about your statement "my friend doesn't want to lose weight." It's not that I think that's wrong - I agree that it is his business. But his reaction ("trying to cover himself up while he ate", "he felt awful the whole time") doesn't sound like someone who is OK with his weight and/or his eating habits. Maybe that's something to discuss with your friend. He might need some help there, possibly professional help (not making a diagnosis, only suggesting the possibility).

    I'm sorry you and he had to go through that experience. A buffet is designed to over-indulge! I can't tell you what to do, but I can promise that you will meet more rude people in your lifetime. You do have some control over how you respond. It's up to you how much you want to ignore and how much you want to confront.
  • CrankMeUp
    CrankMeUp Posts: 2,860 Member
    you are very sweet.

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