Annoyed Husband...

monikagiesbrecht
monikagiesbrecht Posts: 194 Member
in Motivation and Support
My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.

I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
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Replies

  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.

    I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.

    Compromise might be a good idea. Can you afford a second TV? one for him to watch and one for you to work out on? Also, can you just not mention why you can't eat certain foods, and just not eat them? Sometimes maybe his annoyance isn't that you can't eat them, but that you constantly mention it. Have a discussion about the root of the issues at hand.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.

    I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.

    Compromise might be a good idea. Can you afford a second TV? one for him to watch and one for you to work out on? Also, can you just not mention why you can't eat certain foods, and just not eat them? Sometimes maybe his annoyance isn't that you can't eat them, but that you constantly mention it. Have a discussion about the root of the issues at hand.

    I think this is good advice.

    Another idea...maybe have a specific time that you use the TV for exercise purposes. Say, 8-9 pm (for example) and that is pretty much set in stone if your schedule allows...it could have the added benefit of motivating you to do it every day at that hour. Not sure if it would work but just a thought :-)
  • eldamiano
    eldamiano Posts: 2,667 Member
    My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.

    I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.

    Tell him to stop being an annoying shortass. At least he wont speak to you then....
  • tempehforever
    tempehforever Posts: 183 Member
    On the one hand, it does get annoying to listen to someone talk constantly about their diet and calories. My boyfriend has told me it kind of puts him off and worries him. So I eat what I want and politely turn down something if I don't want it, but keep the calorie stuff and negative self-talk to myself.

    On the other hand, what:
    he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out

    He tells YOU that YOU don't have time? That seems weird. How you spend your time is up to you.
  • HappyStack
    HappyStack Posts: 802 Member
    Why does it get annoying when you don't eat certain things? are you being preachy about it and inadvertently making him feel bad about eating them? or does he cook all of your food, and get offended when you don't eat the meals or snacks he makes?

    Do you choose to work out only when he has time to watch TV? or can he DVR things and watch them later so you can use whatever free time you have to work out?

    Ultimately he has to try and accommodate your lifestyle changes, but you also have to accommodate his.

    Talk about it. Don't let either of you berate one another because you're currently at odds with a certain part of your lifestyle. Maybe switch out the zumba for doing things you'd enjoy doing together... bike rides, or walks, or whatever.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Tell him to grow the **** up.

    Also, if he's in your profile pic, he's not really tiny.
  • Oldtimer_65
    Oldtimer_65 Posts: 89
    Just break up already.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    On the one hand, it does get annoying to listen to someone talk constantly about their diet and calories. My boyfriend has told me it kind of puts him off and worries him. So I eat what I want and politely turn down something if I don't want it, but keep the calorie stuff and negative self-talk to myself.

    On the other hand, what:
    he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out

    He tells YOU that YOU don't have time? That seems weird. How you spend your time is up to you.

    all of this!
  • RRB2000
    RRB2000 Posts: 77 Member
    I had a similar issue when I was using MFP last time I lost weight (2012) and my husband, who could stand to lose a few pounds himself, would say things like "I think you're taking this weight loss thing little to far" when I would say I wasn't eating what I made him and the kids for dinner, or if I didn't want fast food. It was annoying, b/c I felt like he should have been more supportive.....! This go round has been a little better, with him letting me do my thing. Hang in there, and maybe you'll need to sit him down and tell him just b/c he can eat any and every thing (jealous of those people) you can't so some support from him would help tremendously. Good luck!!!
  • TheApocalypse
    TheApocalypse Posts: 319 Member
    Tell him to grow the **** up.

    Pretty much this... He needs to grow up and stop acting so childish. You are doing what you need to do and if he doesn't understand that, he just an idiot. Not trying to pick on your husband, but he has got to understand that you can't eat like he can and that he needs to be supportive of you, not annoyed by you.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
    On the one hand, it does get annoying to listen to someone talk constantly about their diet and calories. My boyfriend has told me it kind of puts him off and worries him. So I eat what I want and politely turn down something if I don't want it, but keep the calorie stuff and negative self-talk to myself.

    On the other hand, what:
    he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out

    He tells YOU that YOU don't have time? That seems weird. How you spend your time is up to you.

    all of this!

    ^This
    Tell him to grow the **** up.

    Also, if he's in your profile pic, he's not really tiny.

    ^And this
  • ddixon503
    ddixon503 Posts: 119 Member
    Wait a minute. HE get's annoyed when YOU don't eat certain things?! Maybe you should remind him that you're his wife and not his property. You can eat any thing you damn well want and refuse to eat anything you damn well want. If he's got an issue with it, it's HIS issue. You can't go through life walking on eggshells in a marriage because you don't want to 'upset' him. That's just a recipe for disaster. He needs to HTFU and quit being a little bi*ch.

    (stepping off soapbox)
  • waltcote
    waltcote Posts: 372 Member
    I would say he has some maturity to gain if he is around your age. He probably has the metabolism of a typical 20 yr old boy. He's either with you or against you. It's good you are working on getting healthy now instead of waiting like alot of us have done after our bodys are worn out from carrying excess weight for a number of years. Just stay committed and hopefully he will come around and support you. If you would like another friend feel free to ADD me. :bigsmile:
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,324 Member
    go the ninja route.
    dont talk about the calories
    dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
    dont talk about the workouts.

    just DO.

    DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.

    and if he doesnt....then go get some strange.
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
    You aren't going to like my answer. You can't make him stop rolling his eyes or eating crap in front of you. For twenty years I was married to a man just like this. He would tell me I was too fat (he was right, by the way, I'm 5'5" and weighed in at 195 lbs). I would agree to diet, he would then immediately go to the store, buy a couple of gallons of rocky road ice cream (only my favorite) and eat bowl after bowl in front of me.

    This is a control tactic for him. He may change if you (non-confrontationally) point this out to him, or he might do what my ex-husband did, which was escalate his behavior like crazy! It's not uncommon, BTW and the best thing to do is remind yourself that you're losing weight for YOU!

    Here are some articles about diet sabotage. The WebMD one is terrific.

    http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/how-to-deal-with-diet-saboteurs

    http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1346&dat=19871026&id=NbROAAAAIBAJ&sjid=7_sDAAAAIBAJ&pg=4094,5598914
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
    Wait a minute. HE get's annoyed when YOU don't eat certain things?! Maybe you should remind him that you're his wife and not his property. You can eat any thing you damn well want and refuse to eat anything you damn well want. If he's got an issue with it, it's HIS issue. You can't go through life walking on eggshells in a marriage because you don't want to 'upset' him. That's just a recipe for disaster. He needs to HTFU and quit being a little bi*ch.

    (stepping off soapbox)

    Stay on the soapbox! You're doing great! :drinker:
  • Danny_Boy13
    Danny_Boy13 Posts: 2,094 Member
    My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.

    I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.

    That is kind of rude of him to not share. I say make some kind of schedule with him that you get your time and he gets his. If not then ask him then to buy another TV, but I do not see why the one TV could not be shared currently. I say that if he gets frustrated that you do not want to eat this or that then just don't include him in those conversations. He can take care of himself and you can take care of yourself.... problem solved.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    go the ninja route.
    dont talk about the calories
    dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
    dont talk about the workouts.

    just DO.

    DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.

    and if he doesnt....then go get some strange.


    This, all of this.
  • RobertHButler
    RobertHButler Posts: 50
    It sounds like he is very insecure and is afraid if you start looking good you won't need him any more, and you probably don't.
  • BeckyGee84
    BeckyGee84 Posts: 124 Member
    I see a lot of posts like this. One partner is trying to lose weight and the other one doesn't seem to care. Its possible that your husband is threatened by the fact that you want to get into shape (he might be worried that you'll be "hotter"and want to leave you). Just explain to him that you're doing this for yourself. Don't say anything about what you're eating. A skinny husband isn't going to understand about calorie counting and weighing food. Heck, my bf thinks Arby's is healthy food!
    I got an old TV from my mom and I exercise in the basement. There's plenty of room down there and no one bothers me. You should get your own separate workout space, or if there's no room in your house, join a gym. If you can't afford a gym, go to a friend or relative's house to exercise! I went over to my mom's to workout for a year when I lived in a tiny apartment with my sister. If your husband surprises you with some "junk food" that you used to love, eat a little bit of it to appease him, but write it down in your diary. Then explain to him that it was nice of him to buy you the food but it's not something you want to regularly eat anymore. Or eat it regularly, in moderation, and track it!!

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