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Funny for Friday

kistinbeekistinbee Member Posts: 3,718 Member Member Posts: 3,718 Member
Okay! Sorry you Men out there. Nothing against you at all! This was just too funny not to share!!:laugh:
Happy Friday!!!!

A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,


I pray for a man, who's not a creep,


One who's handsome, smart and strong.


One who loves to listen long,


One who thinks before he speaks,


One who'll call, not wait for weeks.


I pray he's gainfully employed,


When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.


Pulls out my chair and opens my door.


Massages my back and begs to do more.


Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,


Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'


I pray that this man will love me to no end,


And always be my very best friend.




A MAN'S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with


huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,


and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This


doesn't rhyme and I don't give a *kitten*.


The End

Replies

  • kistinbeekistinbee Member Posts: 3,718 Member Member Posts: 3,718 Member
    Okay! Sorry you Men out there. Nothing against you at all! This was just too funny not to share!!:laugh:
    Happy Friday!!!!

    A WOMAN'S POEM:

    Before I lay me down to sleep,


    I pray for a man, who's not a creep,


    One who's handsome, smart and strong.


    One who loves to listen long,


    One who thinks before he speaks,


    One who'll call, not wait for weeks.


    I pray he's gainfully employed,


    When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.


    Pulls out my chair and opens my door.


    Massages my back and begs to do more.


    Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,


    Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'


    I pray that this man will love me to no end,


    And always be my very best friend.




    A MAN'S POEM:

    I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with


    huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,


    and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This


    doesn't rhyme and I don't give a *kitten*.


    The End
  • njksharpnjksharp Member Posts: 60 Member Member Posts: 60 Member
    hehehehe:laugh:
  • sunshine92sunshine92 Member Posts: 228 Member Member Posts: 228 Member
    so true...:laugh:
  • Sing1outloudSing1outloud Member Posts: 57 Member Member Posts: 57 Member
    HaHa that is great ... not that I am a man hater or anything but that is great ! :laugh:
  • AugustBaby1973AugustBaby1973 Member Posts: 144 Member Posts: 144
    LMAO!:laugh:
  • tashjs21tashjs21 Member Posts: 4,607 Member Member Posts: 4,607 Member
    happy0016.gifhappy0016.gif Good one! happy0016.gifhappy0016.gif
  • time2wrktime2wrk Member Posts: 773 Member Member Posts: 773 Member
    Hahahahahahaha! I am going to send that to my hubby, he will crack up too! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Shannon023Shannon023 Member Posts: 14,577 Member Member Posts: 14,577 Member
    :laugh:


    A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

    On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

    While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'

    The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

    The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

    'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

    On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

    The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

    The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

    The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
  • bbright53bbright53 Member Posts: 81 Member Posts: 81
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • dachinababedachinababe Member Posts: 185 Member Posts: 185
    :laugh: :laugh: 5stars..,,happy friday
  • AlbertSchwartzAlbertSchwartz Member Posts: 810 Member Posts: 810
    Okay! Sorry you Men out there. Nothing against you at all! This was just too funny not to share!!:laugh:
    Happy Friday!!!!

    A WOMAN'S POEM:

    Before I lay me down to sleep,


    I pray for a man, who's not a creep,


    One who's handsome, smart and strong.


    One who loves to listen long,


    One who thinks before he speaks,


    One who'll call, not wait for weeks.


    I pray he's gainfully employed,


    When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.


    Pulls out my chair and opens my door.


    Massages my back and begs to do more.


    Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,


    Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'


    I pray that this man will love me to no end,


    And always be my very best friend.

    Look no further ladies... I am here...

    Now who wants to go and buy some shoes? * Al holds out a wod of cash*
  • peej76peej76 Member Posts: 1,258 Member Member Posts: 1,258 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • mommared53mommared53 Member Posts: 9,554 Member Member Posts: 9,554 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Fit2btiedFit2btied Member Posts: 486 Member Posts: 486
    :laugh: ROFLMBO...HILARIOUS!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • kistinbeekistinbee Member Posts: 3,718 Member Member Posts: 3,718 Member
    Here's some more:

    Smart Answers!

    Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
    He shoots his friend and kills him.
    Wife says :
    'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends'.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *****
    A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus,
    ' send me a brother'
    Santa wrote back,
    ' SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *
    What is the definition of Mistress?
    Someone between the Mister and Mattress
    ************ ********* ********* *****
    Husband asks:
    'Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
    W ithout I nformation Fighting E very-time
    Wife replies ,
    ' No, It means, With Idiot For Ever !!!'
    ************ ********* ********* ********* **
    What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
    Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
    and Panic is when both are pregnant.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* *
    Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
    Kid: Yeah,
    once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
    A woman asks a man who is travelling with six children,
    'Are all these kids yours??'
    The man replies,
    'No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints'.
    ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
    A young boy asks his Dad,
    'What is the difference between confident and confidential?
    Dad says,
    'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential ..
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • kistinbeekistinbee Member Posts: 3,718 Member Member Posts: 3,718 Member
    29 things to make you smile!

    1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
    2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
    3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
    4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
    5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
    6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
    7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
    8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
    9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
    10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
    11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
    12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
    13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
    14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
    15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
    16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
    17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
    18 . Procrastinate Now!
    19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
    20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
    21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
    22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
    23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
    24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
    25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
    thousand times the memory.
    26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
    27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
    28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
    29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.


    Life is too short, you have to laugh!!
  • SoupNaziSoupNazi Member Posts: 4,229 Member Member Posts: 4,229 Member
    :laugh: :laugh:

    Those are great!!!
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