so unhappy right now

This binge cycle is really hurting me. I feel so unhappy at the moment, i really don't know what to do. I have had a shocking day today. I have pretty much eaten from the moment I got up till now, when I am in bed in pain because my stomach is so full i have to prop it up with a pillow.
Always the same thing... weekends should be a time for relaxing and enjoying time with family and friends. Instead I spend the day obsessing over food, stuffing my face with anything and everything. I know I have will power, that's not the problem, its my mind set. Its no good going out for a walk or distracting myself. I can do that easily enough but as soon as I have done with the walk or whatever has distracted me I will just carry on the binge. Once i am in binge mode I cannot and will not be stopped for that day. It like a switch in my brain. I have had a 20 year bad relationship with food and multiple bouts of diet/binge/restrict/over exercise cycle during that time. I am now 8 weeks into counselling and feel like i am making zero progress. I feel like such a failure right now. The weight i lost and felt so good about is creeping back on and i feel powerless to stop it.

Replies

  • I understand so well my dear friend. Oh how I do...

    Binge eating is a hard thing to fight. For instance for me it was a lot easier to fight my time with bulimia (not the trowing up kind, but the over exercise one) than it is to fight the binge eating.

    I still don't understand why I binge. For me it is so weird because lately I binge when I am happy (rarely when I am bored). Like today: it was a perfect day, with an amazing walking and as soon as I arrived home, I just ate whatever I wanted! With no reason for that to happen, only just because I want! That makes me so confused!

    How am I feeling about myself now? A little disapointed, but I also know that I have the strenght to get up and forget about today. And you have to! What matters is our journey and how we face it, not so much the destination.

    I don't have a magical formula (I wish I could)! I also wish that my words may bring you some comfort (even if only a little). I want also to ask to please don't feel bad about yourself! I only know you through MFP, but I feel that you are a nice person, and the binge should not determine how you feel about yourself! Lifeis to short to be wasted with bad feelings :)

    So lift up your head,put a smile on your face, say "I am beautiful" to the mirror and tomorrow is another day!! And you know what? Maybe the binge will strike us again (pretty sure it will), but we will rise again, and again, and we will be tired of fighting. But we have plenty of time to rest as soon we are dead! So lets keep fighting :)
  • You are not alone. That was the biggest comfort for me when I found this board. Keep with the counseling, it's amazing that you took that huge step!

    Do you have a friend you could call when you feel like starting to binge??

    I am going through the same thing:got weight off, binge, over-exercise, but the weight is creeping back on. I try to breath through the cravings to start a binge, drinking a cup of coffee in the morning and afternoon has been helpful, and just say NO to the food one moment at a time.

    We're all rooting for you!!!