why do I compare myself to every woman I see?

2

Replies

  • hollymccall
    hollymccall Posts: 88 Member
    I wrote this on my wall today..

    beauty is as beauty does. dont be jealous or compare yourself to someone else.. they have insecurities too.. they just dont let them show.. so people that you may be envious of.. they may be envious of you for different reasons. so be your own person.. shine out bright.. dont compare yourself to others its a waste of energy that will get you nowhere. instead become the best version of you that's possible.. that's what they did.what are you waiting for? become that bright shining star i know that's inside of you wanting to come out from the darkness that you hide behind.. the mask you protect yourself with.. step out of your comfort zone and say world look at me.. im special because you are.
    Love this!!!
  • hollymccall
    hollymccall Posts: 88 Member
    Read this today: "Comparison is the thief of joy."

    That was a comment on this series of photos featuring Lewis CK talking with a girl...

    Photo 1: girl looking very upset: "Why does she get one and not me? It's not fair"
    Photo 2: Lewis CK looking down at girl and lecturing her: "You're never gonna get the same as other people; it's never gonna be equal"
    Photo 3: similar photo as #2: "It's not gonna happen, ever in your life, so you must learn that now, okay?"
    Photo 4: Lewis CK squatting down and looking seriously and compassionately at girl: "Listen. The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them."

    I think the same thing is true for any physical trait or success in life or whatever...
    That makes alot of sense. I guess I just have my sulky moments.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    Building positive self esteem is like building muscle. It's something you need to work at and you can't expect it to happen on its own. Start off by being your own best friend. Everytime you criticise yourself too harshly pull yourself up and say something positive about yourself instead. Start saying thanks for the good things in your life. There are lots of ways to start changing your mind set but like changing your body, it requires patience and dedication :flowerforyou:

    ^^^ I agree with this - it's something you need to learn and practice and you get better at it with time

    Don't say anything about yourself that you wouldn't say about a friend. Start trying to find your good points, things you like about yourself - not just physical things, but all the things related to your character and talents. Learn to value yourself for all the things you can do, and give these a higher priority than what you look like. When you love all of yourself as a person then it's easier to see yourself in the mirror and not pick yourself apart. And when you feel happy and confident about who you are, you don't constantly try to measure yourself up against others to see if you're good enough. But as the person above said, this takes practice.... but you can start practicing now. Don't allow yourself to say bad things about yourself (same as you wouldn't for a friend) and try to make a list of things about yourself that you like, including your personal qualities and skills. Try to see yourself as a unique individual who has great things to offer the world.... start small and your confidence should grow over time.

    if you can't do this by yourself with self-help, that's where therapy/counselling can be really helpful.
  • FoodFitnessTravel
    FoodFitnessTravel Posts: 294 Member
    get a professional help. i used to be like you too when i was younger. but now even when guy i like made fun of my small boobs i just laughed. there's nothing more attractive than confidence
  • vick441
    vick441 Posts: 42 Member
    I admit, media does influence me. I see perfection on the tv screen and want so much to have the body she does. Yes, I realize I have some serious self esteem issues going on. How to I begin to address those? I just don't feel good about myself, and I'm trying to do something about it. It's just allot of pressure. And let me clarify, I don't hate every pretty thin woman, there's just that twinge of jealousy. Our maybe envy is a better word. I know they're is always gonna be someone prettier and thinner ect., I just want to feel comfortable with me.

    While being content with who you are don't fall in this trap of feeling comfortable with whatever you are right now, try to become a better version of yourself without comparing yourself to others, we're all different, that's where your motivation is coming from, that's what drives you forward. Once you see outcome of your work it encourages you even more to become a better person, physically, mentally, emotionally, lifts your self esteem, gives you more motivation to work towards your best
  • LiveLoveLift67
    LiveLoveLift67 Posts: 895 Member
    I'm constantly comparing myself to every woman I see. If shes thin and beautiful, I hate her. ( jealousy anyone?)If she's bigger, I wonder if I'm as big as her. I'm constantly picking myself apart, and thinking of something new to improve on before I've made it to my first goal. I have stretch marks from having kids, so I'm already trying to save up money for really expensive cream for those. On top of that I want a boob job, knowing I can't afford it. Next best thing, buy some pills that supposedly helps out a couple of cup sizes. I want to be beautiful. But all I can see are flaws flaws flaws. Everywhere flaws. I'm so burnt out. I may not weigh a whole lot, but trust me, the body fat % is high. Like 32% high.

    I can relate to what you are saying....i have been thru this myself and occasionally still catching myself being a hater ( mostly on myself thu) You have to learn to appreciate what your body is capable of and how far you have come to making that happen. I think you are a beautiful woman and we all have flaws. Some you can change and some you cant. You do the best you can with what you got and what you want. take it from someone who has been there...carrying around all that hate and body dislike will make you crazy. Be proud of your body and be your own kind of Beautiful. Just dont give up.
  • kirili3
    kirili3 Posts: 244 Member
    I think it's good that you see it as a problem. I have similar feelings sometimes.

    I think it's deliberately there because women get exposed to so much makeup and fashion advertising. Those industries deliberately make us feel insecure so that we will buy more stuff. We wouldn't waste money on it if we weren't insecure.

    What is motivating me to get over it is that I don't want them to manipulate me. I don't want to be insecure because of them. It's ridiculous.
  • tmaryam
    tmaryam Posts: 289 Member
    I've never in my life been able to feel a shred of jealousy towards another woman. My self-esteem isn't even the greatest, but I focus on the many good things about myself and never dwell on the bad things unless I'm doing something to change them. FWIW, I think you're absolutely gorgeous. Find what you love about yourself and build upon that. Identify what you dislike and come up with a strategy to improve yourself. :flowerforyou:
  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,154 Member
    Because you're influenced by what Hollywood and Media has deemed as "beautiful" and "perfect".

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    This. If our society worshiped a woman's ability to do math, you'd be envying high IQs and advanced degrees in mathematics and wondering if there was a pill that would make you smarter.

    We really need to create that society, even though I'll be totally screwed, since I have to count on my fingers.
  • DeterminedFee201426
    DeterminedFee201426 Posts: 859 Member
    Because you're influenced by what Hollywood and Media has deemed as "beautiful" and "perfect".

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    alot of ppl i know are defenately influence by this .. and defenately some ppl here including myself well i use to be feeling that way but not anymore influences of the media / hollywood
  • DeterminedFee201426
    DeterminedFee201426 Posts: 859 Member
    I do the same exact thing. I have stretch marks as well. and I would get a boob job if I had the money lol at least I now know im not the only one I thought I was kind of weird. It kind of sucks to compare yourself to others cause it makes you more self conscious and kind of makes you feel like your not good enough( at least that's how I feel) but its sooo hard to break the habit
    yes i just did this yesterday i felt horrible its a bad habit yes i had the habit eversence i was 16 yrs old and still have it at age26
  • rockmama72
    rockmama72 Posts: 815 Member
    Read this today: "Comparison is the thief of joy."

    That was a comment on this series of photos featuring Lewis CK talking with a girl...

    Photo 1: girl looking very upset: "Why does she get one and not me? It's not fair"
    Photo 2: Lewis CK looking down at girl and lecturing her: "You're never gonna get the same as other people; it's never gonna be equal"
    Photo 3: similar photo as #2: "It's not gonna happen, ever in your life, so you must learn that now, okay?"
    Photo 4: Lewis CK squatting down and looking seriously and compassionately at girl: "Listen. The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them."

    I think the same thing is true for any physical trait or success in life or whatever...

    This is great!
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    A good place to start is to treat yourself like you would your best friend. You are your best friend, if you really think about it; you have to put up with yourself from your first to your last breath, so better stop going to war with yourself permanently. If you can't figure it out on your own, perhaps talk to someone professional. Would you remind your best friend of her shortcomings constantly? Or would you do your best to lift her up, put a smile on her face? Why should you treat yourself any differently?
  • Pamela_in_Progress
    Pamela_in_Progress Posts: 197 Member
    I'm sorry you feel that way. *Hugs* As others have stated, it all comes down to self esteem. I have a feeling that even if you could change all the things you wanted to, you still wouldn't be happy and would continue to see only your flaws. I am 45 years old and have battled those demons for most of my life. It's like having this perpetual negative feedback running in your head telling you you're not good enough. Learning to love yourself for who you are now, with all your glorious flaws and being kind to yourself will do you wonders. The best thing you can do is to learn to shut those negative thoughts down and replace them with new positive ones. Compliment yourself on a regular basis and you'll be surprised how much better you'll start to feel. It's been a struggle but I've finally learned to love myself for who I am and to feel comfortable in my own skin. Flaws and all, I wouldn't want to be anyone else. Please be kind to yourself, you're worth it!! Good luck to you! :flowerforyou:
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    keep working on doing you- focus on things you are doing- and working toward- it will help push you toward YOUR achomplishements and help build that self esteem.

    Almost everyone struggles with comparison/competition/self esteem at SOME point in their life. I'm incredibly secure with myself- and currently I'm struggling with the fact the girl who is younger than me- been lifting less- and is incredibly unsure of her self- is out lifting me. It makes me crazy that I bothers me.

    But at the end of the day- I show up- and I do my work. I show and I work on ME being fabulous.

    No one will do that for you- and as you keep working- you're realize as long as you are working on YOU then you can rely on your own self worth- you can step out head held high knowing YOU are doing amazing things in your life.

    Go Forth Be fabulous- Be Fierce.
  • FLCullen
    FLCullen Posts: 49 Member
    I have BEEN THERE. You hate people for no good reason and reading magazines actually makes you anxious - am I right?

    You, my friend, have low self esteem. This is not easy to get rid off. And just so you know, if you lose those extra inches/lower your BFP, it's probably not going to be any better. There is always someone skinnier than you, there will always be girls with bigger boobs and bouncy hair and perfect noses. This is what I did when this was me (and it was totally eating into my life and everything I did):

    1. I stopped buying magazines. I actually went further than that, and stopped going to the section in stores that sells magazines, because even that was a problem.
    2. I stopped whatching music videos. This is the worst thing you can do when you feel bad about yourself.
    3. Focus on the things you like about yourself (there is definitely something) and big those features up. Do your hair all nice or your make up of wear cute boots, whatever. Someone will compliment you, and you'll get a little high.
    4. Repeat to yourself, over and over again, that there are somethings you can't change - that's your face, those are your legs, those are your boobs. You walk around on those legs all day, and you still resent them? Those legs keep you going! And remember - boob jobs need to be replaced like every 8 years - that is a life long commitment. And they take your nipple off and sew it back on. Small boobs stay perky longer, and there are a lot of guys out there that are small-boob aficionados.
    5. Beauty comes in different shapes and sizes - Christina Hendricks is beautiful, and so is Mila Kunis. Kate Upton is hot, so is Chrissy Teigen. They don't all look the same, but they are still smokin' ladies. Your thighs and body fat aren't stopping you from being the best version of yourself - your head is!
    6. At least three times a day, some guy walks past you and thinks - I would definitely hit that.

    I conquered my terrible self esteem when my mum died at 50 - I had her body and I didn't want to be ashamed of what she gave me anymore. So I did and said those things above and now I feel infinitely better.

    And PS - every girl you feel jealous of wakes up with eye crust and that weird morning mouth gunk. That's a nice thought, no?
  • ashandstuff
    ashandstuff Posts: 442 Member
    It's not just you. In fact, it's not just us girls who do this. Guys do it too. It's human nature honestly. There is a reason why there are so many beautification products and self-help books, everyone has features or aspects that they do not like about themselves. The severity of the discomfort towards how you view yourself will really boil down to learning to accept the flaws you have and love them.

    I have stretch/shrink marks, a tummy, scars, a small butt, and uneven skin tone. I used to despise those things, and spend tons of money trying to "fix it". Thing is, you can't fix something that isn't broken. Now, whenever I start thinking about my bodily flaws I think to myself: even the girls on the magazine don't look like the girls on the magazine.
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  • I feel your pain! sadly I've been feeling this way before I had my daughter. Its even gotten worse seen shes here though. I'm forever comparing myself to women that I think is drop dead Gorgeous. I ahve days when I feel great about myself but thats rarely. I dont think im attractive. I wish I could get a nose job. I think my mouth is very small and not proportionate to my face at all. Im over weight. Yep I think highly negative about myself and I would like to fix this problem so I can live my life again without worrying about what other women look like.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
    Read this today: "Comparison is the thief of joy."

    That was a comment on this series of photos featuring Lewis CK talking with a girl...

    Photo 1: girl looking very upset: "Why does she get one and not me? It's not fair"
    Photo 2: Lewis CK looking down at girl and lecturing her: "You're never gonna get the same as other people; it's never gonna be equal"
    Photo 3: similar photo as #2: "It's not gonna happen, ever in your life, so you must learn that now, okay?"
    Photo 4: Lewis CK squatting down and looking seriously and compassionately at girl: "Listen. The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them."

    I think the same thing is true for any physical trait or success in life or whatever...

    This is great!

    c268f94af2109bc4c8cffd148ca042b3.jpg

    I think he's my brother's brother from another mother
  • fr053n
    fr053n Posts: 2,793 Member
    I've been there, but what's really helped me is the realization that how we look is not all that important in terms of if other people like us. Also, we are way too critical of ourselves, seriously. I try to appreaciate beauty when I see it, and think "You go girl" when I see a pretty lady. Also, I know that she's probably feeling insecure about something as well.