195 pounds in two years! What a difference! With pics.

For the third day in a row, I saw this number on the scale, 135! So I guess this is it. Today, May 16, 2014, I must make it official. My two-year quest has landed. My goal was to lose 195 pounds and it is done. For those who are just starting and those who are stalling, and for the ones that have tried every diet in the world but don’t believe they can do it, there’s hope! Yes, it is doable…
Just dieting and exercising.
And persevering.
And trying out things.
And going on,
and on.
And reading.
And observing.
And writing.
And sharing.
And listening.
And encouraging others.
And loving.



You would think I would be ecstatic to have reached my goal. This how I had figured out that day anyway but I was not. I was proud of course but very sad because my body is not looking the way I thought it would, or should or could. Should I lose 5 pounds more? Would that loss fill the hole in my heart? Where is the stop line? There is a beast in me that is called low self-esteem and it is still very hungry, famished and ugly. Appeasing that monster was one of the goals that I had set up on my MFP profile on May 6, 2012, and it hasn’t been achieved yet. So I was sad…

But I was first and foremost scared to death that I have to change something I feel familiar with, losing weight. Maintaining, I have never done before, not even tried. I have always been obese except for 2-3 short periods of my life when I was probably “just” overweight. I say probably because I spent years not looking at myself, avoiding mirrors and scales. And I am still a BIG girl in my mind. At 52, can I really change my behaviors and attitudes? Probably so, to some extent. Some of the changes have been underway since 2 years. For the rest, I will just try to do what I did when I started this journey: I will aim for small steps, and forgiveness, and enjoy a healthy life, one day at a time, one day after the other…

Very suddenly, today, I felt like if I were flying solo, leaving home for the first time, free in the BIG adult world. Like when I got off the bus a very long time ago, at 6 o’clock, in a BIG new town, with a huge handbag on one side and my horn on the other. But I am a big girl now (well, not so BIG, pardon the pun), and I know I am ready for a new and beautiful life tailored just as I want it to be. I am the master of my destiny. I just need to time to adjust...not being BIG… anymore…



Anyway, borrowed from a friend, there is a part of my lifetime maintenance diet:

From now on, I refrain from:

Negative thoughts
Critical or gloomy people
Whatever stops my smiling
Whatever keeps me from sleeping at night
Whatever darkens my mood
Whatever undermines my self-confidence and causes me anxiety
Whatever throws a spanner in the works!

In 5 weeks, if all days are the same
I will have lost 10 pounds in discomfort and illness.
I will have gained 10 pounds in quality of life and happiness.

And remember: If “A” plan fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet!

Thanks to all my dear MFP friends for your support day after day! Without you, I don’t know if I would have succeeded! The journey was so much more interesting and inspiring with you. I drink to your health and happiness. Santé!