I think a lot depends on the kind of partner you want too. I suppose if one likes a really shy type of partner, they'd need to do most of the chasing to draw him/her out and show you really are interested?

Guys always tell me that they want women to initiate contact and take the lead in the relationship, but I've, personally, found that anytime I've done that they run and find someone they can "chase." May just be the type of guy I like. Twice I told a guy first how much I cared for him and his interest in me dried up immediately. Other times a guy started out interested, but as his interest waned so did his contact. If we weren't formally in a "relationship" (and by that I mean *he* confirmed a relationship not just "we went out 3 times so we must be boyfriend/girlfriend), then I just moved on. Contrast that with BB who (even though we're ring-shopping) still chases me, still plans most of our outings, and still pays my way, still surprises me. And it makes me happy. OTOH there are other "chasing" things he doesn't do (and never did) like the good morning texts and such. It's all about what you want from a relationship and what makes you happy.

If I may just throw out a warning regarding chasing / being chased: There was a guy I never actually went out with because he turned me off by constantly text/emailing. I had no desire to keep up with that kind of volume and his constant "why haven't you responded, are you mad at me" every 3rd text. No matter how many times I told him I worked in a secure faculty, and didn't GET the messages except at lunch and the end of the day, he constantly worried that something was wrong. I don't have time or patience to deal with all that insecurity.

After we finally agreed we weren't right for each other, I asked him why he was so active because there was no way he could sustain that kind of behavior long term. He told me it's what a guy has to do in the beginning of a relationship or else the girl thinks he's not interested. He didn't realize he made me think he was insecure and needy. He was just trying to get a date and, from his perspective, that kind of attention wouldn't be needed once we met. So, if you're constantly emailing/texting/calling your love interest, you might be giving the wrong impression.

I suppose if one likes a really shy type of partner, they'd need to do most of the chasing to draw him/her out and show you really are interested?

Yeah I'm not sure about that with this one. It's possible that he is a bit shy...or that he thought he was doing all of the calling/texting initially, and didn't feel it was reciprocated. I think he called/texted a reasonable amount of the time and it made me comfortable and happy when he did, so I guess I didn't necessarily feel the need to initiate contact even though I did here and there. His contacting me wasn't nonstop constantly but it was a perfect amount I thought...then maybe it died down because he wanted to see if I would take the lead or maybe he wasn't sure how I felt? I don't know and I hate these games and wondering/not knowing. That's good that you had that talk with the guy who was strongly pursuing you (in the last paragraph). He actually owned up to it that he wouldn't do it once you met though? Well that kinda sucks! I would like to have a talk with this guy too and just see what his deal is but I don't know...I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place now. I texted him yesterday after a few days of no contact and I just said "Hey what's up? How have you been?" with no response. That should tell me all I need to know...but I'm the kind of person that has to "fix" everything or see why it happened. I understand it shouldn't matter, that he's obviously not right for me, but I always just "HAVE" to know and it kills me! I know it's ridiculous.

Thanks so much for your long response. :flowerforyou:

My gut feeling tells me he didn't back off to see if you took the lead. If he was really interested then he would have just done what he was always doing ... or if times got busy it may have slacked, but picked back up.. If you texted him and he didn't respond, I don't think there is anything to figure out, I think you walk away with your head held high. Chalk it up to another learning experience. Hugs.

kimad: You were right! LOL He finally called yesterday because I texted him one last time yesterday (against the advice of my girlfriends) saying that I don't know what happened but I really liked him and I hope he's feeling better. (He has been sick). I also said that if he didn't respond this time I would take the hint. Then of course he called. So he didn't back off to see if I took the lead...he likes me (even told his brother about me...allegedly...) and wanted to get to know me which is why he was calling so much initially...but now he realized he "let off the gas pedal" a bit and pretty much said that he hasn't been in a relationship for so long and isn't sure that he wants the commitment. Which to me is guy-speak for "He's Just Not That Into You". We had a nice talk for a half hour about other/random things too and he told me to keep in touch...I might, might not...not sure yet. But not sticking my neck out anymore. Moving right along with my search!

I really appreciate everyone's responses and input! :flowerforyou:

Oh but I have found that in my experience, the girls that chase guys or approach, normally don't last long as girlfriends. Not sure why though, its like your lifestyles don't match or something? Thats if they make it past the one week of fun stage. Usually someone cuts out. Its just weird, lol so most times I'd like to approach but I don't rule out the other choice either.

EXACTLY! "The girls that chase guys or approach, normally don't last long as girlfriends"!! No matter what people say, "oh it's 2014, it's a new era, it's okay to be the aggressor!" AND with all of the responses I've gotten on this thread, I'd have to disagree. It has proven itself time and time again that if a guy is TRULY REALLY interested, HE will contact YOU.