I don't get the same feel anymore as the crash diet

About 5 years ago I lost a ton of weight. I gained most of it back overtime though cuz I was burned out and discouraged. During that time I would often try to skip breakfast and lunch. Or I might have a small cup of yogurt and then I might eat a regular dinner. I'd exercise real hard throughout the day with elliptical, basketball, and walking. Up to 6 hours at times.That way I could be in a deficit everyday before dinner and wouldn't have to worry. And it did work. Lost about 40 pounds in 1.5 months. I continued to lose more and more for the next few months. Then the negative side effects started to happen. I hit a point where everything stalled and I couldn't eat less. I felt like I was making excuses and felt ashamed for not being able to eat less. I had headaches all the time. I was really really hungry. Typically I'd go walking for hours and then I would weight myself for hours and not drink water. Once I was happy with the weight going down, then I'd go eat something. So it became kind of a disorder.

However during that time, I started to feel really light, much lighter than I actually was. And it was so motivating to literally feel the fat come off. At least that's how it felt at the time. I could even feel muscle coming off as well, I started to feel like I was going to lose everything and it felt good in a sense, like it would just happen in no time and I'd live happily ever after.

Then I got really hungry and started binging like crazy. I'd eat everything in sight. I was tried of having headaches all day. Plus some at the time said I had more to lose and I got really discouraged. The days and months started to pass and I didn't even realize that I was also exercising much less. I didn't start gaining much weight for a month or so, but then slowly I started to gain weight more and more each month and eventually my waste was over a 40 and I realized that I had gained almost everything back. And more started to come back. I wasn't trying to eat a lot, it just happened because it was becoming a habit. I felt starved for a long long time until my weight had leveled off.

So now I've got back on a plan but I've been doing it differently this time. I eat less, but I don't really skip meals. At times sure I may feel slightly hungry, but I cure it with eating some fruit and drinking water. Although I'm getting results again this time, this time it's been much much slower. Only about 2 pounds a week. I'm exercising a lot, but my diet is about 1800 calories on average. That's not as low as when I'd go on the 900 calorie diet and try to burn more than 900. At the time I thought that was how it worked, that you had to burn more through exercise alone than your total calories consumed.

So though I'm much more committed (100 percent) this time around I'm so frustrated at things like people not even noticing this time around since it's more gradual. Cuz back then they noticed after like a month. I guess people who have seen you go up and down before don't notice until you've gotten all the way down. That's what one of my friends says when I lose weight. He will always say ''Yea but I've already seen you thinner when you were younger.'' So whatever with him. Back then when I was losing weight, it was so much faster. I could feel it too and my legs almost felt light and weak at the same time, I guess from losing strength very fast. Now I don't get that feeling anymore. I feel more whole, I probably am in better tune with my body. I don't want it to be slow, (1-2 lbs to me is) but I guess that's how it's gonna continue to be. Cuz last time didn't work forever.