He snooped, I need your opinions.
Replies
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Man, I'd rather be single than in an unhealthy relationship.
Yes, dating is hard. Get over it. Life is too short to be miserable and in something that is unhealthy.
Better to be single than to wish you were......
^^^QFT0 -
i would rather be lonely and bitter
than with someone i waas not completely passionate and happy with
seriously dump him and adopt a ghost0 -
Wow....
I thought this was trolling... agree with TavistockToad., who says romance was dead?!
Even if you d trust him, he doesn't trust you and that honestly NEVER ends well....it's just a matter of time before one or the other gets fed up and it implodes after normally a big explosion of emotions where all pent up feelings and thoughts com out that have been bottled up.
The fact he's your ex-Husband's friends will inevitably create some "what if" and oher insecurities. At least to him.
If it's been rocky for 3 or 4 years and only just improving, yet you don't even spend that much time together, it sounds like you've learned to shy away and hide away from a real relationship and the troubles, difficulties and adversities it brings and instead of dealing with them, are hiding from. So i can't see how this can be a satisfying, loving, long term relationship, it doesn't seem to be growing stronger and deeper, just weaker and more untrusting....
All this said, this is is opinion based on 3 or 4 paragraphs of summary of a 5 year relationship.
He shouldn't have snooped. He doesn't trust you, End of.0 -
If you don't trust each other there is no love. That's it, end of story. And relationship.0
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First off you should take it on jerry springer...and get real, this is not a relationship what you have is a convenience which is why a lot of people are still married but putting up ads on craigslist..everyone's morals are different and who's anyone to judge as long as what your doing is not hurting anyone else but I do not put up with liers so I don't really blame him for being upset as who wants someone lying to them and maybe you should be honest with him..do you know that he is ok with the way things are for real or you just leading him to believe what you want so he will continue to stick around...you get what you give in life and lastly I lived with a man for 7yrs and people started telling me about him using drugs and stuff he was doing..i completely trusted him with mine and my children's lives so drugs are not allowed in my life I don't want to be with anyone who has to change themselves or take something to alter things for them to deal with life and that's my choice so who do you believe the people telling you or the person that swears to you that nothing is going on so guess what I snooped through everything to prove to myself that I wasn't giving up on anything I heard from gossip and the one person who was supposed to be real was the real lier...so life is not that hard it is what you make of it and you get what ya give...good luck to you and let me know when your springer episode will be on as I don't want to miss it!!! best of luck0
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Just to clarify, he's not my ex-husbands friend, he became friends with my ex when he started dating me.
I don't use drugs to try to change who I am, it's just a little pick me up when I go out which is very infrequent. IMO, alcohol is worse but of course it's legal.
I agree with all of you regarding our trust issues, which began from the very beginning. Other than the trust, everything else is pretty good but not trusting puts a huge damper on the both of us.
Oh and I think this is a little to calm for Jerry Springer, maybe Dr. Phil? :ohwell:0 -
are you freaking kidding us????? I don't care if you are serious with someone or not.. but you should only be having sex with one person at a time. Its gross and also risky as far catching stds. What kind of person is trying to have a "boyfriend" AND screws her so called ex??? How is this weightloss or fitness related unless its the prequel to you catching aids? just saying. :explode: :laugh:
A) she never said they were sleeping together.
if both parties in a relationship are aware and everyone is clean and being safe, there is no issue.
C) this is the off-topic board.
D) they're called "STIs" now because the vast, vast majority are treatable. But number of sex partners DOES NOT MATTER if you are being safe and all parties are responsible.
Please don't push your morality on others. Sexuality-shaming is BS.0 -
Is the bf the only guy in town or something?
Find new BF that has ***stuff***. Cut out old BF and ex-hubby. Job done.0 -
Man, I'd rather be single than in an unhealthy relationship.
Yes, dating is hard. Get over it. Life is too short to be miserable and in something that is unhealthy.0 -
Just to clarify, he's not my ex-husbands friend, he became friends with my ex when he started dating me.
I don't use drugs to try to change who I am, it's just a little pick me up when I go out which is very infrequent. IMO, alcohol is worse but of course it's legal.
I agree with all of you regarding our trust issues, which began from the very beginning. Other than the trust, everything else is pretty good but not trusting puts a huge damper on the both of us.
Oh and I think this is a little to calm for Jerry Springer, maybe Dr. Phil? :ohwell:
"Other than trust". Like eh who needs trust. Trust in a relationship is one of the top priorities for me. If I had problems with trust in the beginning that was a deal break way into starting the relationship. Not trusting the SO is a deal breaker. I do not care how comfortable you think the relationship is. Clearly you are showing it is not that much fun and positive.0 -
are you freaking kidding us????? I don't care if you are serious with someone or not.. but you should only be having sex with one person at a time. Its gross and also risky as far catching stds. What kind of person is trying to have a "boyfriend" AND screws her so called ex??? How is this weightloss or fitness related unless its the prequel to you catching aids? just saying. :explode: :laugh:
A) she never said they were sleeping together. if both parties in a relationship are aware and everyone is clean and being safe, there is no issue.
C) this is the off-topic board.
D) they're called "STIs" now because the vast, vast majority are treatable. But number of sex partners DOES NOT MATTER if you are being safe and all parties are responsible.
Please don't push your morality on others. Sexuality-shaming is BS.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
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I think that for both your sakes it would be better to break up. I've been single for most of my life because I just haven't found anyone I'm really interested in (except two guys, one of whom would have been bad for me and the other of whom turned out to be married, so obviously I wasn't gonna go there). I'm happy and I enjoy life by myself, and I'd rather be happy alone than miserable with someone else. Respect yourself enough to get yourself to a good place and a place where you are healthy mentally as well as physically. Things will be much better then, and then when you do find someone it will be much more amazing :drinker:
^This.0 -
I'd move on...too much drama.0
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are you freaking kidding us????? I don't care if you are serious with someone or not.. but you should only be having sex with one person at a time. Its gross and also risky as far catching stds. What kind of person is trying to have a "boyfriend" AND screws her so called ex??? How is this weightloss or fitness related unless its the prequel to you catching aids? just saying. :explode: :laugh:
She isn't sleeping with her ex, just taking occasional recreational drugs with him.
Thank you for clarifying that for me.
To answer some of your questions... I don't know how or why we lasted this long. And yes, the first three years should've been the best years. I know we care about one another a great deal but I think part of the reason we stay together is because it's so much easier than dating. We met on a dating site and damn is it tough! Going back to that does not appeal to me and of course, staying in this relationship is unhealthy for both of us.
So this is a little crazy and I commented on your other post . . . but like really? You're with someone because it's easier than dating? C'mon . . . . figuring out my taxes and how much of my tutition from grad school I can still use as a write off while running a marathon is easier than dating but if you're in a relationship because you don't want to be single, you're in it for the wrong reasons. Spending your life with the wrong person is worse than being single.
Meeting the right person isn't going to be easy, if it was there wouldn't be any divorce would there? People would just be with their person.
And if you're using recreational drugs with an ex and you still have that kind of dependence (sorry - you can say it's only once or twice a year but I lived with a person with a substance issue, I know) on him then there's more going on than just that, and you don't have to admit it to anyone but yourself. Either he enjoys having you on this metaphorical leash or you just can't let him go; and which ever way you look at it, it's not good. If he enjoys seeing you being reliant on him for this "good time" then he's seriously not good for you. . . and as I said in my other post - MOVE ON. CUT TIES. GET A NEW LIFE. If your bf and your ex are friends, they're probably pretty similar to each other. Know what this means? It means your bf is the new version of your ex, which also means you haven't moved on.
OR maybe, just maybe . . . this is a troll. I don't know but I'm going to go with you're really living this real life drama and if you are, you must be exhausted. This is ridiculous and I find it hard to believe - prepare for brutal truth - that a woman who has gone through a failed marriage would put up with this *kitten*. Stand up for yourself - if you don't, no one else will.
MOVE ON. MOVE ON. MOVE ON. Stop the "stuff" . . . or if you can't, find a new source of "stuff" and find new friends to enjoy the "stuff" with.0 -
Just to clarify, he's not my ex-husbands friend, he became friends with my ex when he started dating me.
I don't use drugs to try to change who I am, it's just a little pick me up when I go out which is very infrequent. IMO, alcohol is worse but of course it's legal.
This makes me mad. There is nothing, nothing you can say to justify the substance use as being better than alcohol. I'm not even talking about legality here - I know alocohol (if not controlled and if mistreated) isn't the best thing to ever come around either but I lived with someone who used, granted it might not be the same "stuff" because I still don't even know what this "stuff" is but let me say it's nothing to joke about or say you need a little pick me up. How old are you? I know people get depressed and have hard times, but more people are dealing with their lives without these pick me ups than you think and they are able to move on, and have a good time.
It is not an excuse and it is not a reason. "Stuff" contributed to ruining my relationship with someone I loved; "Stuff" caused personality changes so great I went from someone nearly proposing to punching holes in walls because he didn't have any of it; "Stuff" causes big problems. I know alochol can too, but there is no reason or excuse to try and justify it by saying oh I needed a pick me up, I needed to have to some fun, I needed to blow off steam . . . . it's better than alochol I think.
Also, if he wasn't friends with your ex before but he is now . . . that's all kinds of f'ed up. Who wants to be friends with their partner's ex? No one I know . . . who wants to know that your buddy had a relationship - a close, intimate, private relationship - with your person?
Does he need the pick me ups too? I'm kind of thinking your ex is the town hookup for fun "stuff"0 -
bump0
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Just to clarify, he's not my ex-husbands friend, he became friends with my ex when he started dating me.
I don't use drugs to try to change who I am, it's just a little pick me up when I go out which is very infrequent. IMO, alcohol is worse but of course it's legal.
This makes me mad. There is nothing, nothing you can say to justify the substance use as being better than alcohol. I'm not even talking about legality here - I know alocohol (if not controlled and if mistreated) isn't the best thing to ever come around either but I lived with someone who used, granted it might not be the same "stuff" because I still don't even know what this "stuff" is but let me say it's nothing to joke about or say you need a little pick me up. How old are you? I know people get depressed and have hard times, but more people are dealing with their lives without these pick me ups than you think and they are able to move on, and have a good time.
It is not an excuse and it is not a reason. "Stuff" contributed to ruining my relationship with someone I loved; "Stuff" caused personality changes so great I went from someone nearly proposing to punching holes in walls because he didn't have any of it; "Stuff" causes big problems. I know alochol can too, but there is no reason or excuse to try and justify it by saying oh I needed a pick me up, I needed to have to some fun, I needed to blow off steam . . . . it's better than alochol I think.
Also, if he wasn't friends with your ex before but he is now . . . that's all kinds of f'ed up. Who wants to be friends with their partner's ex? No one I know . . . who wants to know that your buddy had a relationship - a close, intimate, private relationship - with your person?
Does he need the pick me ups too? I'm kind of thinking your ex is the town hookup for fun "stuff"
Your ex-boyfriend contributed to the failure of your relationship, not the drugs. He was violent? He was an addict? Not everyone is. Many people can and do use drugs recreationally, just like alcohol, with no ill effects.0 -
Just to clarify, he's not my ex-husbands friend, he became friends with my ex when he started dating me.
I don't use drugs to try to change who I am, it's just a little pick me up when I go out which is very infrequent. IMO, alcohol is worse but of course it's legal.
This makes me mad. There is nothing, nothing you can say to justify the substance use as being better than alcohol. I'm not even talking about legality here - I know alocohol (if not controlled and if mistreated) isn't the best thing to ever come around either but I lived with someone who used, granted it might not be the same "stuff" because I still don't even know what this "stuff" is but let me say it's nothing to joke about or say you need a little pick me up. How old are you? I know people get depressed and have hard times, but more people are dealing with their lives without these pick me ups than you think and they are able to move on, and have a good time.
It is not an excuse and it is not a reason. "Stuff" contributed to ruining my relationship with someone I loved; "Stuff" caused personality changes so great I went from someone nearly proposing to punching holes in walls because he didn't have any of it; "Stuff" causes big problems. I know alochol can too, but there is no reason or excuse to try and justify it by saying oh I needed a pick me up, I needed to have to some fun, I needed to blow off steam . . . . it's better than alochol I think.
Also, if he wasn't friends with your ex before but he is now . . . that's all kinds of f'ed up. Who wants to be friends with their partner's ex? No one I know . . . who wants to know that your buddy had a relationship - a close, intimate, private relationship - with your person?
Does he need the pick me ups too? I'm kind of thinking your ex is the town hookup for fun "stuff"
Wow, you really have a lot to say for not knowing anything. If I wanted to talk about the "stuff" or my ex husbands relationship with my current bf, I would have started a thread stating just that.
Sorry you had a rough relationship in the past but I have never been with anyone who was violent with or without drugs or alcohol but I can't imaging going through that and I'm sincerely sorry that you had to.
As for my age, I'm 49 but does it matter? I know people from age 13- 70's who smoke marijuana (not my drug of choice).... and yes, I do have a drug of choice. Different topic entirely. Maybe you can start a thread about it. This was about my boyfriend reading my email whether I did "stuff" or not.0 -
A "relationship" with no trust is NOT a relationship...just saying!0
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I think you should find a new connection.0
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