Mom is bringing me down

its ok my mom calls me fat too. i think im just right but my mom calls me a fat a**

If It helps I think your skinny!

aww your so sweet .. add me as a friend lets chat , since my mom dont talk to me cause im fat

What the hell? NO!! Creep!:indifferent: :noway: :grumble: :huh: :huh: :huh:

Troll status = amateur

LOL

22.
I've tried and she sorta just.... blows it off or says I'm over reacting....
I know it's an unhealthy relationship... but it's hard to cut it off b/c it's my mom.
We have a very rocky past and she's always trying to "fix that" .... so part of me is trying to see it as her actually trying....
but maybe I'm just fooling myself ya know?

People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. And they only change if they want to.

This is a case of telling your mother straight up: Knock your crap off. If you don't, I'm walking out. And then actually do it.

You can still have something of a relationship with her, just call her on her behavior and hold her to it. Anytime she starts her crap, walk out. Consistency. Eventually she'll get the message or she won't. But if you're putting up with it, that's on you.

Absolutely this. My relationship with my Mom is much, much better since I called her out on talking about my weight about 6 years ago. I said it straight, that if she mentioned my weight once I was out of the door and would not talk to her. I paid for her and my Dad to have a long weekend with me while I was on a business trip to Europe, and I warned her that I was perfectly willing to pay to send her straight back home early. We get along just fine now and she doesn't share her comments with me. It's possible she has little venomous discussions with my sister, but I couldn't care less.

I had to do the same with my mum. i live 250 miles away from her as i can't stand her toxicity. she is much better now as she has leant that the minute she starts with her barbs i'll put the phone down/walk away. It did take my sister kicking her out of OUR house after she decided to try and start an argument (and she was only visiting for 2 days) and telling her that her behavior is not acceptable. We have come to realise that she does have some mental issues and sometimes does not realise what she is saying but other times I'm sure she spends weeks thinking of nasty barbs - luckily I see her once every few years and talk a couple of times a month.

This is obviously and abusive relationship on your mother's part so you have 2 options. Keep her in your life or distance yourself. If you want to try to keep her in your life then you need to basically go off on her and tell her how her comments are rude, insensitive and not something someone that is supposed to love you would do. Some people do not stop doing what they are doing until they, metphorically, get slapped in the face. If you have truly spoken to her in an agressive, dominant manner and she is doing this after such conversations then I'd say she has some major physiological issues that she needs help on and your best option is to cut ties with her. If she sends you stuff, don't open it and send it right back. Perhaps when you show her that you don't want anything to do with her because of her behavior she'll begin to realize what she is doing and change. Or maybe not. If not, then you have to continue making the decision whether you want her in your life.

She is rude. It's her, not you. I understand your struggle very well.

I have had a TON of rocky times with my mom. It sounds like a break from her is definitely in order. I'm not TOO much older than you, but only now since I've moved to a different province, has she really become supportive. I am someone who has -always- struggled with diet, but love working out. I would be doing great with workouts, and really trying to eat better, and would still get tons of flack from her about my diet, and how she would go to Weight Watchers with me, blah blah blah. Now that I'm finally on the right track, she makes a point to always mention how great I'm looking - and I really do appreciate it.

Just to say, it's (very) unhealthy now, don't give up on her forever.

She is jelly.

I think that you don't talk to your mum for a while, in this time give 110% of what you got to be even better than before, then once this is accomplished you go to your mum and say look at me now! you can keep your stupid 'fat clothes'then really show it off to her. Then if even after that she calls you fats then that means something is wrong and you should get a new mum because if your best isn't good enough for her then you can definitely say I'm pleased with who 'I' am and I don't care what my mum says to me!

I have found that in relationships where I consistantly find myself feeling bad that it's perfectly acceptable to put some distance between myself and the person inflicting discomfort.

You are young - so young! - and so you are still surprised and hurt when people aren't careful with your feelings. But I'll tell you something that took me many years to learn - We give people the power to hurt us. If you don't give that power to someone, you get to keep it.

So, when your Mom buys you things that are too big for you, or offers you her "fat clothes," you're allowed to take back the power of her actions by saying, "I appreciate that you thought of me, but I don't care for these. Thank you, but no thank you."

You're not fat. You're getting healthy and you should feel really proud. I know that parents are "supposed" to do everything right, but sometimes they don't. They're human.

My mom loves me but she's purchased diet books for me and given them to me at birthdays and Christmas, you know, when everyone in the room has their eye on the recipient of the gift being unwrapped. Humiliating...well intended or not, still hurtful. I made a point to begin not packing those items up with the rest of my things and leaving them at her house. She finally got the message.

Have confidence in yourself...you're doing just fine...

I have to say, a lot of folks on this thread are suggesting pretty extreme measures. Cutting people out of your life doesn't work. The issue is still there. And you're not going to resolve it 100%, either, by confronting it over and over again. Families don't work that way. The best you can do is improve the relationship and manage it without letting the problems get too extreme.

Yes, you have a negative relationship in your life. It's with one of your closest family members. Most people have that.

First thing you have to realize: she's dealing with her OWN issue. It has nothing to do with you. She's projecting her bull**** on you, and the sooner you really get that into your head, you'll be able to deal with her with calm and objectivity.

Second, you're not going to win the argument of telling her how she's supposed to act. Because all she has in her mind are her own intentions - she's not seeing it from a third person, unbiased perspective. And she's clearly not seeing it from your perspective, either. You're not going to be able to convey an unbiased perspective of how she should act appropriately. BUT you can make it clear how her actions are affecting you. And honestly, that's the best you can do. She might still think she's right, but once she know that she's hurting you, she has a choice about whether to continue that behavior or discontinue it.

It's not going to work the first time. People get stubborn as they get older. And they also have trouble seeing how people change. I'm 31, and my dad says that whenever he looks at me he sees the 12 year old version of me in sneakers and a baseball cap, and he has to readjust to see me how I look now. Parents tend to do that.

So my advice is this: Do not threaten to cut her out. She has not reason to work on your relationship if you're not showing that you're committed to working on the relationship. It's a needless confrontation. And every time she says or does something, tell her how it affected you. Calmly. Every time. And be perfectly consistent. Use, strong, firm words. Don't sugarcoat anything. And don't attack her or insult her.

And just accept that it's an ongoing thing, and it's going to be several conversations before she really gets it in her head.

22.
I've tried and she sorta just.... blows it off or says I'm over reacting....
I know it's an unhealthy relationship... but it's hard to cut it off b/c it's my mom.
We have a very rocky past and she's always trying to "fix that" .... so part of me is trying to see it as her actually trying....
but maybe I'm just fooling myself ya know?

She is not actually trying. She "blows it off or says I'm over reacting" - she is disrespecting you and telling you that you cannot trust your own interpretation of things. She is belittling how you feel and ignoring all the evidence that you have lost a lot of weight.

She may be your mom, but I am sure you can find other women in your life who are more supportive and respectful. Better to distance yourself from people that do not have your best interests at heart. Good luck - I have not seen my parents for many many years because of similar issues. It is not easy, but I prefer being an "orphan" than to deal with my abusive parents.