Being called fat by family members

Jkn921
Jkn921 Posts: 309 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm at University in my last year so am doing tonnes of work this year to graduate with the best degree I can. During the summer before this academic year, I did gain about 7lbs and haven't managed to get it off, I exercise here and there but I'm so focused on my work.

Anyway, I talked to my family back home over video call and they pointed out much weight I've gained (havent gained anything, haven't lost either) but my face is bloated from junk food yesterday and due to hormonal changes...It really upset me, how do you deal with the negative comments? As I have to go back for xmas break and it's really put me down. I am going to work on losing the weight as it is something I need to do, and as soon as the call finished I did do some exercise.

Replies

  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    Don't do anymore video calls.
  • danielle11012
    danielle11012 Posts: 3 Member
    That is hard! My parents did that to me when I was in college too. I'm now 43 years old and still dealing with eating/weight issues. I finally starting going to therapy this year and it is helping (I waited waaayyyyy too long). What I've realized is that if other people think you look a certain way that you don't agree with, then that is their problem. There is nothing you can say or do to change their mind or what they say (sometimes it's worse for me when they don't say the words but make implications instead). If you must reply to them....just say "Thanks for the feedback, I'll take it under advisement". If you already have a good relationship with them then tell them that is hurts for them to put you down for your weight. Try not to let them get you down. Before you go home, think about how YOU feel about yourself - your weight, your personality, your accomplishments. If you feel good, then keep reminding yourself of all the good that is in you. If you don't feel so good, then maybe you can ask family or friends for help to get to your goals.

    And by the way - 7 lbs is nothing. If that is the only delta in weight then don't even worry about. Yes , it can be hard for some of us to lose that 7 lbs but you can keep it in check and prevent it from being more!

    Good luck to you. Don't let family get you down. I did for too many years and I regret it. Make sure you surround yourself with those who love you for you no matter what!
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    Want some advice that is really easy to give, but much harder to live? Don't let family mess with your head.

    1) 7lbs. isn't even noticeable on most people's faces. don't stress about losing it just because of a stupid comment.
    2) comments like that generally reflect more about the mood of the person making them than the person receiving the comment
    3) families are really good at messing with our heads, they know us so well. They push our buttons just because they can, sometimes. Like (2), sometimes they push our buttons because they are feeling down and misery loves company.
    4) Make a list of your accomplishments. You have every right to feel great about what you have done at school and every positive change you make in your life.
  • Jkn921
    Jkn921 Posts: 309 Member
    Thanks for the positive words! It felt really mean as I hadnt seen that person for ages and that's the first thing they say. I also have been overwhelmed/stressed with my University wok which makes it worse, as I do have a tendency to comfort eat and most times I don't but sometimes I induldge a little. I'll definitley let them know to stop bugging me and how it affects me face to face.
  • Kevvboy
    Kevvboy Posts: 81 Member
    You could paraphrase Churchill and say "Yes, I am fat, but in six months I will be thinner, while you will still be the same mean person you are now."
  • Jkn921
    Jkn921 Posts: 309 Member
    concordancia wrote: »
    Want some advice that is really easy to give, but much harder to live? Don't let family mess with your head.

    1) 7lbs. isn't even noticeable on most people's faces. don't stress about losing it just because of a stupid comment.
    2) comments like that generally reflect more about the mood of the person making them than the person receiving the comment
    3) families are really good at messing with our heads, they know us so well. They push our buttons just because they can, sometimes. Like (2), sometimes they push our buttons because they are feeling down and misery loves company.
    4) Make a list of your accomplishments. You have every right to feel great about what you have done at school and every positive change you make in your life.

    Thanks! You're right, I feel the time when I'm at Univeristy is when I'm at most-peace with myself just because I'm not around the negativity of being home and having comments. I think that's a big issue that I'm going to discuss with them. I don't feel that big and as gross as I was made out to be today but have noticed my face has gone puffy today after pizza on sunday and junk food last night (I know I went a little overboard but usually don't) as well as hormonal changes, so not sure if it's that too.
  • MariaAlexandra
    MariaAlexandra Posts: 126 Member
    Yep, I've been there with the comments about being fat within family. Back home (Dominican Republic) people are sticks and they consider that beautiful. Here in the US people prefer their girls with meat in their bones, i guess, i don't know, from what I hear, at least.

    The way I've dealt with it - I used it as motivation.
    Focus on yourself and how you feel about yourself. It sounds like you want to lose weight and change your habits, well, the great thing about MFP is when you log your foods, you can look back on the things you need to cut out of your diet and if you need to add in more exercises. Make sure to not make big changes at once, start with small changes that are easy to make. For example, you mentioned junk food; you can set a rule for yourself to not eat junk foods unless you go to a party or other social gatherings, you can say to yourself, "Potato chips only on Fridays," or something like that.

    Don't worry too much about it, 7 pounds is nothing to worry about and others gain a lot more than that while they are in college.
  • TheTiagooo
    TheTiagooo Posts: 53 Member
    That's harsh of them to say, even if they didn't mean to cause offence. However, in my experience, you can't lose and keep off weight for the approval of others. It has to be a desire from within, or it might be psychologically damaging.
  • _lyndseybrooke_
    _lyndseybrooke_ Posts: 2,561 Member
    My parents have never told me I was fat or gaining weight, but recently they've been telling me I'm too thin and basically that I look like I'm sick. It's complete BS and I just brush it off. I'm nowhere near underweight, I'm stronger, and I am certainly not starving myself by any means. There are people much thinner than me that they don't say anything about. I don't get where it comes from and I don't care. I know the truth and they can kiss my butt if they don't like how I look.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    growing up in the 70s and 80s, it was your family's job to pick on you and call you a fat dork or a skinny nerd lol. Don't take it too much to heart.

    Instead of dwelling on the reactions and actions of other people, make yourself a priority and either make a dedication to changing, or make a stand for staying where you are. It's all in your hands :)
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