Not telling friends and family

Hi everyone, so as I stated in a previous post, I have tried and stopped this path many times however this time feels different, Its only been 5 days but I can really feel myself sticking with it this time and to be honest I feel like a big part of that is I haven't told any family or close friends.

I don't know if its just not having the pressure of them continually asking me how I'm doing or what, but I'm really excited to do this by myself for myself.

I know the general rule is that you want support and motivation and accountability, but really it just makes me feel more anxious and stressed. I know that they mean well and my family is very supportive, but its like they are too supportive.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Did you find more success with or without support from friends and family?
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Replies

  • shadowloss
    shadowloss Posts: 293 Member
    I did the same thing this time, in fact I went out of my way not to share my goals or intentions with anyone. However, people did notice when I started ordering differently when eating out, or when I choose to do something different at home for meals. I just very casually said I'm trying to be more health conscience. Once I lost the first 25lbs, people started asking, but that was 3 months in and most people were already comfortable with the way I was eating, so it wasn't a big deal.

    For me, it was better to keep it to myself since I was doing it for myself. As other people comment and take notice, I just brushed it off and didn't make a big deal. It also helped that I started at the beginning of fall so I was able to cover a lot with more clothing. But I feel I've been more successful keeping it to myself.
  • emcmullen20
    emcmullen20 Posts: 20 Member
    If that works for you then have at it! Sometimes when people know they CONSTANTLY ask questions which I could see stressing a person out.

    I personally have to make sure my large italian family knows so that they are not pressuring me to eat more. My grandmother ALWAYS offers food and of course the dreaded PASTA when I see her so, if I tell her she helps me out by not making a plate of it for me
  • paszekmonika
    paszekmonika Posts: 60 Member
    My family is not very supportive so I'm doing much better without them:) I only hear from them how terrible I look how fat I am and when last time I lost weight no one said I look great except my mfp friends:) my mum started by saying I'm too thin and look terrible once again and I was 128lbs so I definitely wasn't too thin for my 5'5". Anyway... With my family I always feel like I fail whatever I do. I'm now 140 lbs and on my way to loose the extra weight again on my own and decided to not listen to them anymore.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    Because I would always be trying the next big diet/workout and failed at all of them, my family never took me seriously when I would say I'm doing X diet. So this time, I didn't really say anything. I let my actions and the results speak for themselves.
  • rgmooney66
    rgmooney66 Posts: 43 Member
    Previously I found the best support right here on MFP. I lost over 50 lbs before and was running a lot as well. When I stopped logging for some reason I stopped caring lol. I ended up gaining everything back plus some. Good luck YOU GOT THIS!!!!
  • Sercee
    Sercee Posts: 36 Member
    I have a weird problem with feelings of obligation. If I feel like something is expected of me, no matter how much I wanted to do it before (i.e. a cool day trip, going dancing, getting healthy) then I find myself fighting against it. I'm trying the same thing as OP this time around and keeping it to myself with the exception of my fiance (who is trying to put on weight while I lose it :persevere: ). This time there's stakes though: I'm getting married this summer and so I REALLY want it, more than usual.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    I kind of can't help telling people that I'm around a lot, just because they know that I'm not going out so much and have lost some weight. But the one thing I'm not doing at all is posting about it on Facebook. It's weird saying this on a social site but this is my journey and I'd rather keep it (somewhat) private.
  • NikiChicken
    NikiChicken Posts: 576 Member
    like you, I just started without telling my friends and family. It just became obvious after I started losing weight. This was MY journey this time and I didn't want the pressure of anyone else knowing what I was doing. I knew my friends and family meant well, but I still didn't want to hear it. It worked for me. Everyone has to figure out and do what works best for them.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    My hubby knew but I was mum with everyone else until I experienced my first big success, six months after I started. Then I knew that this time was a life-changer. After that, nobody could shut me up. I still got opposition and unsolicited advice (not hubby, he watches on in bemused wonder) but it doesn't matter. I know what I want.
  • mystic81
    mystic81 Posts: 23 Member
    I haven't told anyone, except a close friend who works out and trains for specific events. She's been really good for support aside from MFP. My Husband noticed I've been changing my eating habits, and I told him that I was becoming more conscious of what I put in my body. He's totally on board with eating better, which is a wonderful thing. Still not telling him about my weight loss though! I've found my family to be supportive in the past, but they tend to get the "50 questions" thing going like " Have you weighed yourself lately?", "Should you be eating that?", and so forth. Although they do mean well, they just don't know how to ask in a way where it's not coming across as negative and judging.
  • MidgekinRN
    MidgekinRN Posts: 18 Member
    Thank you guys so much, all of these responses make me feel much less crazy lol.

    Sercee, I totally understand, I don't know what it is about being told I have to do something even if its something i wanted to do anyway makes it much less enjoyable!
  • elsperry7
    elsperry7 Posts: 1
    edited January 2015
    Just started yesterday and am really excited for the new habits I'm going to form. I haven't told my friends about my new goal. Never thought about it being less stressful but now that I think about it I do feel a lot less negative pressure to reach my goal weight. However, I really like the accountability I feel just from recording my activity and eating habits.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    MidgekinRN wrote: »
    Thank you guys so much, all of these responses make me feel much less crazy lol.

    Sercee, I totally understand, I don't know what it is about being told I have to do something even if its something i wanted to do anyway makes it much less enjoyable!
    Would you be comfortable with starting or joining a weight loss group at work or in town so that you can both provide support and get support in an appropriate setting?
  • snowflake930
    snowflake930 Posts: 2,188 Member
    I did not tell anyone, even my husband or daughter. I stuck with it this time, and eventually everyone noticed and the comments started coming at about the 2 month mark. The comments helped and gave me some motivation to continue. I have looked to success stories here for motivation since day 1 and find that it really keeps me going even now. It will be 3 years for me on MFP on 3/12/12. I have been on maintenance for 14 months now. I started out morbidly obese. I am, and have been, in the normal range for weight for my height for 14 months now. My goal now is to keep it off, a statistic that a very small percentage of people achieve.

    Some people need the support and encouragement that others give. We have to do this the best way for ourselves. Whatever works for you, go with it.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
    I haven't told anyone I know IRL- beyond the people I live with- that I am trying to lose weight. I get enough support from internet strangers when I want it.
    I've been pretty succesful so far and feel good about keeping it mostly to myself.
  • jms14letgo
    jms14letgo Posts: 138 Member
    I haven't told anyone except my husband. The problem is I only have a few pounds to lose, so my journey is all about getting healthy, fit, and losing the tummy fat. But when people see me eat healthy or I tell them I'm working out, they freak out on me and tell me I don't need to lose weight and I'm not fat.... They just don't get it. That is not the only goal of eating right and exercising.
    Plus I've noticed that since I've kept it to myself I've stuck with it... weird. :blush:
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    Really, you want support from people who are truly supportive and won't stress you out in the process. With me, I knew my family meant well, and wanted to be helpful, but after 30 years of them stressing me out about it - I just frankly didn't want their help. The people I knew at work, however, I knew could be supportive in a way that would be helpful. SO - I told a specific few of them. I remember a few months after starting, one of my directors got about 2 pounds of chocolates sent to him from a vendor. I didn't bother opening it, but knew what was inside and told him when he came in. He just smiled and said, "Why don't I take this and put it in my car...." I said, "THANK YOU!!!" I didn't want it to be open anywhere NEAR me or even anywhere in the office!

    Anyway - be strategic about who you tell. There's no sin in it. I let my family in on it after a while (a couple of weeks). They've gotten better, but they still don't get it. I've lost 75 pounds, and they still want to do stuff like the Dr. Phil 20/20 diet. You'd think that they'd be asking me more questions, that maybe having lost that much would give me a certain amount of credibility, but not to them. Ugh. LOL

  • Virkati
    Virkati Posts: 679 Member
    Keeping it to myself is what I did when I started. But, I work at a church and people bring in food ALL THE TIME. Of course, most of it is of the sugary, starchy type. I started saying "No thank you" and they noticed. Then they saw what I was eating instead. Then they started bringing in healthy foods (veggies, fruits), or healthier versions of everyday favorites. Then for our office Christmas party, my co-workers gave me fitness related gifts...a water infuser, a jump rope, a pedometer, etc.

    So the moral of the story is, while I did not actively seek outside support (not from family, and not from work or friends), I have a HUGE support system that I never knew about when I started. My family still struggles with understanding that I work hard to eat "clean", but they are supportive now of the changes I'm making. I'm a work in progress, everyone knows it, and now I get a lot of support that I never expected.

    Do what's best for you and what works for you. YOU are the one living in your body, living your life. If staying silent is what's best, then come here. We will support you. We will listen to the struggle you might be having. We will celebrate the victories with you, even if the victory is simply taking a walk instead of a bite. :smile:
  • MindySaysWhaaat
    MindySaysWhaaat Posts: 401 Member
    I am in the same boat as you. For some reason when I tell other people, I end up feeling like they're expecting me to do well, and it adds pressure that I just don't know how to deal with. It usually leads to me freaking out and giving up.

    I don't know if this is related, but I also don't like all the unwanted advice I get from my family when I tell them I'm losing weight. I have an aunt in particular who likes to give weightloss advice (that is usually incorrect) even when I'm not asking for it. I feel like unless I am asking a person for advice, I don't think it's any of their business to comment on what I'm doing or not doing.
  • kyta32
    kyta32 Posts: 670 Member
    I did not tell anyone, even my husband or daughter. I stuck with it this time, and eventually everyone noticed and the comments started coming at about the 2 month mark. The comments helped and gave me some motivation to continue. I have looked to success stories here for motivation since day 1 and find that it really keeps me going even now. It will be 3 years for me on MFP on 3/12/12. I have been on maintenance for 14 months now. I started out morbidly obese. I am, and have been, in the normal range for weight for my height for 14 months now. My goal now is to keep it off, a statistic that a very small percentage of people achieve.

    Some people need the support and encouragement that others give. We have to do this the best way for ourselves. Whatever works for you, go with it.

    You are amazing. Great job :D