How to develop stronger will power? Practical tips needed :D

i go out to eat at least once a week with my boyfriend. i make sure i eat smart through the week and get all my work outs in so i can have some banked calories, and spend them on that dinner. also, i ALWAYS order water (i would rather eat my calories than drink them) and try to look at the menu nutrition online so i know what im getting myself into. basically, i dont really limit myself from going out to dinner.. i work for it.

Practice, practice, practice. I think one thing that should be stressed more about dieting is that willpower is like a skill or a muscle. Every time you use it you'll get a little better at it. It gets a little bit stronger. Sometimes we overwork our willpower (like after a bad day at work or a challenging day with the family) and it fails, like any muscle group can fail. But it will be back once you give it a little break and rest up.

I dieted through what I call my year of weddings. In a 6 month period I attended 4 weddings, plus all of the shower, receptions, bachelorette parties, craft parties, rehearsal dinners, and get-togethers that came along with them. I screwed up a lot and overate. But by the end of it, it was relatively easier for me to say "no thanks" to that extra donut or second helping at dinner. There was nothing magical about it, I just built up the willpower a little at a time until it got stronger for me.

It sounds like you already know the practical strategies (boxing up half, choosing better meals, delaying strategies, etc). The rest of it is just hard work. You go in with a strategy and you practice saying "no thanks" before you get there, even if you have to practice saying it to your cat. Like picking up big, heavy things, you have to trust that the willpower will be there to back you up.

You can't rely on will power too much because it will break. Instead figure out ways you can change that do not have anything to do with will power.

First, develop new habits. #1 is make sure you are truly hungry when you eat, not just in the mood to eat. #2 is eat slowly.

Then, figure out what triggers your impulse to over eat. Figure out a way another way to deal with your triggers. Make sure your emotional needs are being met-- do you need more alone time? More time with friends? Do you enjoy any hobbies? And yes, this might mean going to a therapist for a while.

The more you refuse temptation, the more your willpower grows. Start saying no to little things, co-workers snacks or party trays, take mayo and cheese off your burger. And say it all before you have time to think about it. That way you will feel that you need to stick to your word.

I read this a few weeks ago.

http://blog.ted.com/2014/01/08/the-science-of-willpower-kelly-mcgonigal-on-why-its-so-dang-hard-to-stick-to-a-resolution/

There are several tips in the article:

Get friends and family involved with your goals.
Bribe yourself.
Make sure your goal is something you actually want.

The only thing I can suggest is to practice it on your own first. Practice self control when you are eating alone. Cook enough for two or three meals and practice just eating enough to be full but not stuffed and leaving the rest for the next day or two.

I have certain foods I avoid almost completely because I tend to get strong cravings for more as soon as I have a little...sweets and bread. So while I never buy them, a side benefit is I now have no problem with eating too much of other things. For me, removing the "trigger" foods has given me better control with all the other foods. I can now have just a dozen almonds instead of half the bag. I can now eat just a cup of yogurt, or just a square of dark chocolate and leave the rest for another day. I don't know if this would be the case for everyone, but it was great for me.

And eating all the other foods in normal amounts has over time helped train my self control for the rare occasions that I indulge in sweets or bread I normally don't eat. Now, if I occasionally go to a restaurant with a really good artisanal bread basket, I can have just a small piece and not eat more even if there is bread left. On Christmas, I had one small slice of cake and one small piece of baklava (which was excellent) and didn't feel the need to eat more. In fact, I turned down the opportunity to take the rest of the baklava home with me. It was easy to do. So you can learn it, but it takes a lot of practice.

Finally, I know you don't want to hear this but avoid the buffets....or at least greatly reduce the frequency you eat at them. Everybody wants a good deal and there is a sense of wanting to get your money's worth that often creeps in. It's stupid, but true. They are your friends. They should be willing to occasionally pick a restaurant that doesn't provide such a strong incentive to overeat.

So while you can strengthen self control, there are limits. I find it is easier to not live in a constant state of temptation. Avoid doing that and you will find it much easier to exert self control on the rare occasions when you can't avoid it. Self control is best used in moderation...not as a 24/7 strategy.

Buffets are the worst and I avoid them. I drink water except my morning coffee because I prefer to eat my calories. I don't think there is a way of getting better willpower. Not having cake last night for dessert was an agonizing decision but I said NO because losing weight and not feeling like I do is a more powerful motivator than whatever pleasure I get from overindulging. For me, I constantly remind myself what is more important: the food or the weight? I guess when the food wins, I will fall off or step off the wagon.

Since I want a lower weight and fitness level to be realistic in the long term, I also make sure there are times when I DOsay yes to cake. For example? This week we are hosting a potluck where I am sure I will go over my calories... Especially since I am baking an amazing cake! Therefore, during the week I am making sure I do my exercises and eat within my limits.

lemon629 wrote: »

You can't rely on will power too much because it will break. Instead figure out ways you can change that do not have anything to do with will power.

This.

For the situation you are talking about, can you try to select restaurants that aren't family style or all you can eat? That would make it a lot easier, and there's no reason you need to be social at restaurants where it is going to be harder for you.

If not, what I would do is make sure that you have enough calories available to be able to splurge some (what I do if going out for Ethiopian where we always do family style and I tend to overeat) and make sure there are plenty of dishes that are consistent with what you want to be eating. It's like my friend who is a vegetarian always makes sure there are a good selection of vegetarian dishes, you make sure to get some tasty-looking dishes that are more similar to what you would order yourself. And then go for them first.

This situation comes up for me when I'm hungry for dinner and they have some good-looking bread on the table. My friends are people who want the bread, so asking that they not bring it isn't an option, but I'm not interested in wasting my calories on the bread, so I don't eat it. I just think about how I'm going to enjoy the food that I am planning to eat. (But I've found that this is a LOT easier if I'm not TOO hungry when we go out--skipping meals beforehand didn't work for me, I ended up overeating whereas I normally would have eaten more moderately.) Similarly, I decide in advance that I'm only eating one-half or one third of my meal and I do that. I eat slowly so I will realize it was plenty. (This is another reason why family style is much harder.)