judged by your weight

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Replies

  • Acg67
    Acg67 Posts: 12,142 Member
    suzeequu wrote: »
    maybe i wasnt clear.........i dont anyone to settle for me or talk themselves into me. I am upfront and honest about where I am with my weight. I told him from the get go and sent full body pics. He was honest, and I was not upset..hurt me with the truth rather than deceive me with a lie is what I always want. My point is, that it was an eye opener that weight truly is a barrier in dating and I guess it is a harsh pill to swallow. Especially when someone tells you you are very pretty, eloquent in how you speak, educated, have a good moral compass..etc...but they just cant get past your physicality. I dont hate myself, nor do I let others determine my self worth. It just shocked me that he couldnt just leave it at YOU ARE TOO OVERWEIGHT..but instead said he would rather date an unattractive, unemployed, uneducated woman if she was thin because that is all that matters to him. I never even met him....and yes I was glad he was honest..but a little too brutally honest .

    Physical attractiveness plays a part in dating? Never would have guessed
  • acorsaut89
    acorsaut89 Posts: 1,147 Member
    Acg67 wrote: »
    suzeequu wrote: »
    maybe i wasnt clear.........i dont anyone to settle for me or talk themselves into me. I am upfront and honest about where I am with my weight. I told him from the get go and sent full body pics. He was honest, and I was not upset..hurt me with the truth rather than deceive me with a lie is what I always want. My point is, that it was an eye opener that weight truly is a barrier in dating and I guess it is a harsh pill to swallow. Especially when someone tells you you are very pretty, eloquent in how you speak, educated, have a good moral compass..etc...but they just cant get past your physicality. I dont hate myself, nor do I let others determine my self worth. It just shocked me that he couldnt just leave it at YOU ARE TOO OVERWEIGHT..but instead said he would rather date an unattractive, unemployed, uneducated woman if she was thin because that is all that matters to him. I never even met him....and yes I was glad he was honest..but a little too brutally honest .

    Physical attractiveness plays a part in dating? Never would have guessed

    It's relatively new . . .
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Acg67 wrote: »
    suzeequu wrote: »
    maybe i wasnt clear.........i dont anyone to settle for me or talk themselves into me. I am upfront and honest about where I am with my weight. I told him from the get go and sent full body pics. He was honest, and I was not upset..hurt me with the truth rather than deceive me with a lie is what I always want. My point is, that it was an eye opener that weight truly is a barrier in dating and I guess it is a harsh pill to swallow. Especially when someone tells you you are very pretty, eloquent in how you speak, educated, have a good moral compass..etc...but they just cant get past your physicality. I dont hate myself, nor do I let others determine my self worth. It just shocked me that he couldnt just leave it at YOU ARE TOO OVERWEIGHT..but instead said he would rather date an unattractive, unemployed, uneducated woman if she was thin because that is all that matters to him. I never even met him....and yes I was glad he was honest..but a little too brutally honest .

    Physical attractiveness plays a part in dating? Never would have guessed

    Well OP feels like it was this guys top priority and maybe it was. I don't know him. Hence all the negative calling qualities he would date over OP.

  • joejward95
    joejward95 Posts: 104 Member
    Also you seem to be ignoring what your weight implies. Firstly if you're overweight you're unhealthy, hence biologically men are far less likely to be attracted to you as its in our DNA, the same as in women, to seek out a healthy mate.

    Also if you're overweight it strongly implies you're undisciplined, you may be losing weight now but most people who are fat are not, so its pretty safe to say almost all people who are overweight lack some form of discipline and self control.

    Further on from what was said above, if you don't care for you body, how can you expect someone else to care for you? Honestly, you need to stop blaming others for not being attracted to you for you weight, and instead bite the bullet and just keep losing till you're a healthy size.You can't talk someone out of biology and instinct. Its a harsh truth that I had to face a while ago, and it forced me to work on improving myself till I got to the weight I am at now.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    joejward95 wrote: »
    Also you seem to be ignoring what your weight implies. Firstly if you're overweight you're unhealthy, hence biologically men are far less likely to be attracted to you as its in our DNA, the same as in women, to seek out a healthy mate.

    Also if you're overweight it strongly implies you're undisciplined, you may be losing weight now but most people who are fat are not, so its pretty safe to say almost all people who are overweight lack some form of discipline and self control.

    Further on from what was said above, if you don't care for you body, how can you expect someone else to care for you? Honestly, you need to stop blaming others for not being attracted to you for you weight, and instead bite the bullet and just keep losing till you're a healthy size.You can't talk someone out of biology and instinct. Its a harsh truth that I had to face a while ago, and it forced me to work on improving myself till I got to the weight I am at now.

    People still think like that?
  • joejward95
    joejward95 Posts: 104 Member
    Well it's ingrained into us through millions of years of evolution to be attracted to someone healthy. So yes...
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    joejward95 wrote: »
    Well it's ingrained into us through millions of years of evolution to be attracted to someone healthy. So yes...

    Was it also ingrained to go after a partner of same skin tone too? That idea has died. So should people being overweight= all negative qualities like overweight is all the same.

  • joejward95
    joejward95 Posts: 104 Member
    edited March 2015
    No, its not ingrained to go after a partner with the same skin tone (im not a biologist, maybe there is some preference. Ill have to look into it later). I personally am more attracted to someone who is Caucasian, maybe its a coincidence that I am Caucasian as well? I don't know enough to tell you for sure. But this is not what I was discussing. Dont bring up race to try and then imply I am a bigot of some form. The fact is that being overweight = greater risk at childbirth , greater risk of illness, implies they have a lack of discipline and care for themselves. Would you want to date someone like that? Because the for the huge huge majority of overweight people this is the case.
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    The thing is it's a dating site, so their first impressions of you (or anyone) are based on physical appearance, and just what they see in a photo.

    When you meet someone in real life, you get to know their personality, opinions, sense of humour etc, so you might overlook flaws.

    I was thin when I met my husband, but I have an hourglass figure, so wide hips, and my husband jokes he chose me for my breeding potential lol. We have 3 kids. I do think men subconsciously look for things like that in a girlfriend.
  • LolBroScience
    LolBroScience Posts: 4,537 Member
    edited March 2015
    joejward95 wrote: »
    No, its not ingrained to go after a partner with the same skin tone (im not a biologist, maybe there is some preference. Ill have to look into it later). I personally am more attracted to someone who is Caucasian, maybe its a coincidence that I am Caucasian as well? I don't know enough to tell you for sure. But this is not what I was discussing. Dont bring up race to try and then imply I am a bigot of some form. The fact is that being overweight = greater risk at childbirth , greater risk of illness, implies they have a lack of discipline and care for themselves. Would you want to date someone like that? Because the for the huge huge majority of overweight people this is the case.

    I don't know about you.... but I don't necessarily think of the risk of child birth, risk of illness etc. when I am dating someone, or looking to date someone.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    edited March 2015
    joejward95 wrote: »
    No, its not ingrained to go after a partner with the same skin tone (im not a biologist, maybe there is some preference. Ill have to look into it later). I personally am more attracted to someone who is Caucasian, maybe its a coincidence that I am Caucasian as well? I don't know enough to tell you for sure. But this is not what I was discussing. Dont bring up race to try and then imply I am a bigot of some form. The fact is that being overweight = greater risk at childbirth , greater risk of illness, implies they have a lack of discipline and care for themselves. Would you want to date someone like that? Because the for the huge huge majority of overweight people this is the case.

    I bought up race is an idea that need to die. Which for the most part it has. It had nothing to do with you. Nice implying when there is no need to.


  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    edited March 2015
    LolBroScience wrote: »
    joejward95 wrote: »
    No, its not ingrained to go after a partner with the same skin tone (im not a biologist, maybe there is some preference. Ill have to look into it later). I personally am more attracted to someone who is Caucasian, maybe its a coincidence that I am Caucasian as well? I don't know enough to tell you for sure. But this is not what I was discussing. Dont bring up race to try and then imply I am a bigot of some form. The fact is that being overweight = greater risk at childbirth , greater risk of illness, implies they have a lack of discipline and care for themselves. Would you want to date someone like that? Because the for the huge huge majority of overweight people this is the case.

    I don't know about you.... but I don't necessarily think of the risk of child birth, risk of illness etc. when I am dating someone, or looking to date someone.

    I'm healthy, in case you were wondering about our future kids.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    First gut response; shallow guy.

    I married a man who loves them plump. For him, the world is filled with beauty.

    Subconscious or not, I would appreciate a man who can be a friend and also values the things I have to say. You know, intelligence, humor, wisdom.
  • joejward95
    joejward95 Posts: 104 Member
    What I am saying is that it is subconscious. I personally am not attracted to someone who is overweight, this is the case with most men.The reason for this is because of the factors I listed. You can't choose what you're attracted to, you can't guilt someone into being attracted to you, the same way they're not an *kitten* for disliking you because you're overweight.

    Why do you think many men like women with great hips? The biological reason is because a women with wide hips is better for giving birth. Me personally? I love good hips, yet I don't want children, but that doesn't matter because it is subconscious
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    LolBroScience wrote: »
    joejward95 wrote: »
    No, its not ingrained to go after a partner with the same skin tone (im not a biologist, maybe there is some preference. Ill have to look into it later). I personally am more attracted to someone who is Caucasian, maybe its a coincidence that I am Caucasian as well? I don't know enough to tell you for sure. But this is not what I was discussing. Dont bring up race to try and then imply I am a bigot of some form. The fact is that being overweight = greater risk at childbirth , greater risk of illness, implies they have a lack of discipline and care for themselves. Would you want to date someone like that? Because the for the huge huge majority of overweight people this is the case.

    I don't know about you.... but I don't necessarily think of the risk of child birth, risk of illness etc. when I am dating someone, or looking to date someone.

    I am the same. Why think about those things when I'm not even sure that this is the person I want. Maybe I'm dating wrong.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    P.S. Set the shallow guys free to marry the shallow girls. They can tra-la-la through life until they find themselves old and wrinkly with nothing to talk about.

    [Hubby's been playing Jersey Shore reruns on his iPhone. Gah.]
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    edited March 2015
    I don't think we can help who we are attracted to. If someone isn't attracted to someone heavier, that's fine. It's personal preference. I'm not attracted to guys who are skinnier than me...

    Different strokes and all that jazz. Don't let it get it to you.
  • farfromthetree
    farfromthetree Posts: 982 Member
    _Waffle_ wrote: »
    pineapple_peach10 wrote: »
    I've been there. Had guys tell me things about my weight. One said id be hotter if I lost weight.
    Do you think he was lying? Would you look worse if you lost weight? Honesty isn't a trait you're looking for?
    pineapple_peach10 wrote: »
    There is a good man out there who will love you at any size.
    It's true. I saw a couple episodes of My 600 lb Life.

    I watched My 600 lb life this weekend and was astounded at the dedication, support and love that came from one of the husbands. He loved her no matter what...women would KILL to have someone like that by their side.
  • joejward95
    joejward95 Posts: 104 Member
    Have any of you even taken a basic class in evolutionary biology? Really? These are basic things people should just... know.Blame darwin if you wana blame anyone, you can dislike it, but its a fact.

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