The Problem Partner!

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Replies

  • myname20
    myname20 Posts: 97 Member
    I would be honestly very angry to him and would start to think what this relationship means to me.

    1st step) You should talk to him, kindly, explain how you feel and try to be patient with him. Maybe he is just jealous to you or angry to himself that he doesnt have the same kind of motivation. Try to push him to talk and share, why he doesnt want to lose his weight.

    2) Does he want to stay the same? Why? Why cant he support you? Shouldnt relationship be about supporting each other? Do you feel happy with him?

    I dont know what to say. I can imagine how you feel.. It is hard to like/love someone and understand or see, that they are actually making you feel unhappy.

    Do you want to spend your life happy? Then make the right decisions!

    (sorry, if my answer sounds a bit weird, didnt plan it much :D)
  • Yoshirio
    Yoshirio Posts: 242 Member
    edited August 2015
    I would be very wary of my partner getting upset cause I am going to the gym to become more healthy... That sounds very selfish and controlling.When you love someone,you are supposed to want what is best for them.

  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,048 Member
    pootle1972 wrote: »
    Warning bells are screaming at me.......control freaks do not get better......what next.....clothes, make up, friends, family? You're 21 think hard about what you want out of a relationship.....

    ^^agreed, especially the bold. Be really careful about relationships with controlling people. Does someone feel entitled to make decisions that are really in your purview? That's a controlling person. They get their power by taking away yours. It is never in your best interests. It always serves their interests one way or another.

    I had an ultra controlling parent, and after a brief and monumentally unsuccessful bout of being controlling myself, my antenna have been up for controllers. I feel that has kept me safe from some bad situations. I don't mean to project but only to speak from experience, and my "warning bells" went off, too.
  • Queenmunchy
    Queenmunchy Posts: 3,380 Member
    My college boyfriend was like this. I was always "in trouble" for not being easily accessible when he wanted. I was constantly being accused of cheating, etc when I was hanging out with friends or busy doing something unexpectedly (which is what those early twenties years are about!).

    If this is someone you want to spend your life with, you should make sure that your communication is fixed. If he has time for video games without your bothering, you also have free time at your own will. Even if he only wanted to spend time with you, you should also have your own time at your will.

  • MissLaura94
    MissLaura94 Posts: 6 Member
    Wooow a lot more responses than I anticipated! Haha.

    Okay so I'll give a little more back story.

    We've been together for a little under 2 years. When we met he was in the process of losing weight but basically stopped when we started dating. When I bring this up he just shrugs and says why does he need to lose weight when he's already found me... Which makes me think he believes I only want to lose weight to find a different guy - which is not the case.

    I would "normally" cook pasta or rice based meals with just meat and sauce and my "healthy" cooking was basically the same but I would just add veggies to them.

    I will take on board some peoples suggestions and cook the veggies separate and only add them to my plate. It's just in my upbringing to only cook one meal!! Haha.


    I work a full work week while he only works casual so it irritates me that I am still expected to do all the food shopping and cooking - and then he doesn't want what I cook or buy. Do it your damn self with all your time off!! lol.

    I know that it's up to me to eat the right stuff but it's incredibly difficult when someone is sitting next you chewing down on your favourite "bad" food.


    Sighhhhh what I'm getting from everyone is just suck it up and ignore him I guess?


    Will power is not my strong suit, but I suppose it'll have to be!
  • oh_happy_day
    oh_happy_day Posts: 1,138 Member
    Wooow a lot more responses than I anticipated! Haha.

    Okay so I'll give a little more back story.

    We've been together for a little under 2 years. When we met he was in the process of losing weight but basically stopped when we started dating. When I bring this up he just shrugs and says why does he need to lose weight when he's already found me... Which makes me think he believes I only want to lose weight to find a different guy - which is not the case.

    I would "normally" cook pasta or rice based meals with just meat and sauce and my "healthy" cooking was basically the same but I would just add veggies to them.

    I will take on board some peoples suggestions and cook the veggies separate and only add them to my plate. It's just in my upbringing to only cook one meal!! Haha.


    I work a full work week while he only works casual so it irritates me that I am still expected to do all the food shopping and cooking - and then he doesn't want what I cook or buy. Do it your damn self with all your time off!! lol.

    I know that it's up to me to eat the right stuff but it's incredibly difficult when someone is sitting next you chewing down on your favourite "bad" food.


    Sighhhhh what I'm getting from everyone is just suck it up and ignore him I guess?


    Will power is not my strong suit, but I suppose it'll have to be!

    Yes, you'll just have to ignore him. He sounds very immature. I'm also sad for him that he thinks weight loss is just something you do to find a partner. What about feeling happier and better within yourself?

    To summarize - you do all the food shopping and cooking despite working more hours, his complaint about the food is that there are now vegetables on his plate in addition to what used to be on there? I'm side-eyeing pretty hard. He sounds like a man-child. Which isn't attractive.
  • airbent
    airbent Posts: 150 Member
    Dump him. You're 21, right? there are way too many dudes out there to put up with someone that unsupportive/controlling. No one needs to be "in trouble" w/ their s/o. Tell him to call you when he grows up.
  • caffeinatedcami
    caffeinatedcami Posts: 168 Member
    Wooow a lot more responses than I anticipated! Haha.

    Okay so I'll give a little more back story.

    We've been together for a little under 2 years. When we met he was in the process of losing weight but basically stopped when we started dating. When I bring this up he just shrugs and says why does he need to lose weight when he's already found me... Which makes me think he believes I only want to lose weight to find a different guy - which is not the case.

    I would "normally" cook pasta or rice based meals with just meat and sauce and my "healthy" cooking was basically the same but I would just add veggies to them.

    I will take on board some peoples suggestions and cook the veggies separate and only add them to my plate. It's just in my upbringing to only cook one meal!! Haha.


    I work a full work week while he only works casual so it irritates me that I am still expected to do all the food shopping and cooking - and then he doesn't want what I cook or buy. Do it your damn self with all your time off!! lol.

    I know that it's up to me to eat the right stuff but it's incredibly difficult when someone is sitting next you chewing down on your favourite "bad" food.


    Sighhhhh what I'm getting from everyone is just suck it up and ignore him I guess?


    Will power is not my strong suit, but I suppose it'll have to be!

    This sounds so much like my ex. Of course you have to be the one who decides to stay or go but the way you describe him sets off a lot of warning bells in my mind. Maybe your issue is not just about him disrespecting your lifestyle change but about him disrespecting you in general. That said, communication is key. Stand up for yourself.

  • MissLaura94
    MissLaura94 Posts: 6 Member
    I've communicated all these things and more everyday I possibly can and he either doesn't get it or simply doesn't care. Anything to with me or what's going on in my life the response is always "do whatever you want as long as it doesn't affect me".

    Getting off topic but yeah he really does make me feel like a houseplant or something! But unfortunately I don't have much of a choice, I cannot afford to live alone so I'm pretty much stuck no matter what!
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    Wooow a lot more responses than I anticipated! Haha.

    Okay so I'll give a little more back story.

    We've been together for a little under 2 years. When we met he was in the process of losing weight but basically stopped when we started dating. When I bring this up he just shrugs and says why does he need to lose weight when he's already found me... Which makes me think he believes I only want to lose weight to find a different guy - which is not the case.

    I would "normally" cook pasta or rice based meals with just meat and sauce and my "healthy" cooking was basically the same but I would just add veggies to them.

    I will take on board some peoples suggestions and cook the veggies separate and only add them to my plate. It's just in my upbringing to only cook one meal!! Haha.


    I work a full work week while he only works casual so it irritates me that I am still expected to do all the food shopping and cooking - and then he doesn't want what I cook or buy. Do it your damn self with all your time off!! lol.

    I know that it's up to me to eat the right stuff but it's incredibly difficult when someone is sitting next you chewing down on your favourite "bad" food.


    Sighhhhh what I'm getting from everyone is just suck it up and ignore him I guess?


    Will power is not my strong suit, but I suppose it'll have to be!

    This sounds so much like my ex. Of course you have to be the one who decides to stay or go but the way you describe him sets off a lot of warning bells in my mind. Maybe your issue is not just about him disrespecting your lifestyle change but about him disrespecting you in general. That said, communication is key. Stand up for yourself.

    He sounds like my ex, too, but no one is ever really just a cardboard cutout of some type of boyfriend. You don't have to "suck it up." It's up to you. Regardless of what you decide about your relationship, you'll be better off if you can, indeed, let someone else eat what he or she wants, and still stick to your own goals.

  • AnnaFit4Life
    AnnaFit4Life Posts: 106 Member
    Oh Miss Laura you are 21 and have your entire life ahead of you. I was stuck in a miserable marriage for umteen years, by a selfish controlling husband. He started subtly with not wanting me to wear makeup anymore ...about after a first year that we met..."why you don't have to wear that stuff you've got me now". He made me feel like I was doing something wrong dressing nice and wanting to look good...guilted me into believing it was dishonouring him in a way. Looking back I was young and Stupid(I'm speaking for myself here). But eventually over the years it got worse next thing you know, I was giving up my life to try to please him or make him happy. Guess What... no matter how much I sacrificed, if was never enough to make him happy and it took me many years to get out of being stuck in that position.

    No one should make you feel like a houseplant. Find a roommate... a girlfriend(if he hasn't isolated you from them yet...trust me that may be next) or family to get yourself back on your feet again.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member

    Getting off topic but yeah he really does make me feel like a houseplant or something! But unfortunately I don't have much of a choice, I cannot afford to live alone so I'm pretty much stuck no matter what!

    Find a roommate.

  • Prayerwarrior7
    Prayerwarrior7 Posts: 27 Member
    Going slightly off-topic, what's an SO? :|
  • Yoshirio
    Yoshirio Posts: 242 Member
    Find a roomate or live with family.Second job,anything. Good luck.
  • BekahC1980
    BekahC1980 Posts: 474 Member
    Oh Miss Laura you are 21 and have your entire life ahead of you. I was stuck in a miserable marriage for umteen years, by a selfish controlling husband. He started subtly with not wanting me to wear makeup anymore ...about after a first year that we met..."why you don't have to wear that stuff you've got me now". He made me feel like I was doing something wrong dressing nice and wanting to look good...guilted me into believing it was dishonouring him in a way. Looking back I was young and Stupid(I'm speaking for myself here). But eventually over the years it got worse next thing you know, I was giving up my life to try to please him or make him happy. Guess What... no matter how much I sacrificed, if was never enough to make him happy and it took me many years to get out of being stuck in that position.

    No one should make you feel like a houseplant. Find a roommate... a girlfriend(if he hasn't isolated you from them yet...trust me that may be next) or family to get yourself back on your feet again.

    +1.

    And on another note once I got married he became abusive.
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    Going slightly off-topic, what's an SO? :|

    Significant other.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,359 Member
    Getting off topic but yeah he really does make me feel like a houseplant or something! But unfortunately I don't have much of a choice, I cannot afford to live alone so I'm pretty much stuck no matter what!

    You are not stuck at all, he is casual, how much does he really pay his own way and how much are you subsidising him? Not that unequal finances should matter in a relationship, but it would seem to me that you have outgrown him and that you don't have the gumption to move him on. It is wrong to stay with him just because you feel that you can't afford financially to be without him.

  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,196 Member


    Sighhhhh what I'm getting from everyone is just suck it up and ignore him I guess?

    I think that a lot of us are more in the "leave him" camp, actually. There is no reason to be stuck with somebody who is holding you back, especially not at your age.
  • rosej31
    rosej31 Posts: 189 Member
    First of all, you are adult. I live with my fiancé he does not go to the gym nor eat healthy but he does not complain about me working out or eating healthy. He doesn't want me to get heavier so he support me. I have family history of medical issues so he support me which I do not have any medical condition.

    Anyway, you are adult no man should any control over your life like he does. It take two to make a relationship, if things are like this now what are they going to be like in the future.

    You have to make your own decision if he not willing to support. Are you guys married?

    It sound more going in the relationship...I'm done

    Good Luck
  • AnnaFit4Life
    AnnaFit4Life Posts: 106 Member
    BekahC1980 wrote: »

    +1.

    And on another note once I got married he became abusive.

    Same here.