Partners? Do they ever understand!!!!

I have to get my husband to read this thread, I pinch his pre logged foods all the time

Traveler120 wrote: »

Why is everyone ganging up on the OP? Can't a girl just like things the way she likes them?

OP, after 15 yrs, your husband knows what winds you up and yet he keeps doing it. That's too bad. Maybe he's just hopeless and you should adjust your expectations downward. Clearly, you're expecting too much from him. He can't remember all that stuff, keeps getting it wrong, yet you keep expecting him to get it right.

It all sounds terribly trivial. The best way forward is to expect the worst (or the same) from him, that way, you won't be disappointed when he stuffs up.

It sounds more like OP is asking her husband to be perfect and remember every little thing she says to him. That's unreasonable. Yes, she should adjust her expectations downward, because her current expectations are unrealistic. He's not hopeless. Sounds like he's just human.

azulvioleta6 wrote: »

You need to work on expressing yourself clearly and succinctly.

Does your partner even understand what your issue is? After reading all of that, I certainly do not...

This, x1000.

I can imagine the OP yammering to her husband in exactly the way she's done here. He probably has no idea what's going on.

It always bodes well for a relationship when one person expects the other to be a mind reader.

OP, I understand it can be frustrating when someone eats what you had planned, but you should try to look at it from his point of view. I think he thought he was being helpful and thoughtful by eating the leftovers and leaving you with the new food cooked that day or didn't realize it would bother you so much. My husband will sometimes bring me home fast food when I have already had something planned for dinner, or go out and buy snacks he knows I like but won't buy for myself. He isn't trying to be a jerk or sabotaging my weight-loss, but is usually trying to be nice because he knows I'm stressed and doesn't want me to have to cook dinner too, or maybe because it's my TOM and he knows I'm usually craving stuff like that. While it is a lot more calories than I had planned, I still thank him for thinking about me, eat the food, and cut back during other meals and days and I am still on track.

As others have said, going over your macros isn't really a big deal and is almost irrelevant to weight-loss. I used to be upset every time I went over my calories, but I soon realized that I can't have an attitude like that or I'll never stick to this. If you overeat one day, you can cut back other days, but remember that one day is not a big deal. You are still doing so much more than you would be doing if you weren't counting calories or on MFP. You are still making progress and it really won't matter whether you reach your final goal three days later, or even two weeks later than you would have originally. Keeping a good attitude helps a lot because you won't get so stressed that you want to eventually give up.

Others have given really great advice about labeling containers and leaving extra calories for days that he cooks. Just take a deep breath, relax, and just do the best you can each day and you will eventually get where you are going. Good luck!

Optimistical1 wrote: »

DanniB423 wrote: »

This hurt my head. It's just food. You need to talk to someone before your husband leaves you over cold chicken and mash.(whatever that is.)

Lol@this response Too funny!

In all seriousness, the problem is that you cook different food for your family to eat. If you do majority of the grocery shopping and cooking (I don't know your situation, I'm just assuming from your post that you do) then don't cook a separate higher calorie meal for them while you eat something different. If they don't want what you make them leave it to them to cook something different.

You don't eat pancetta because of the high calorie content, then don't serve it to your family either. This isn't about a diet, this is a healthy lifestyle change. Everyone can benefit from healthier food choices, including your family.

What if pancetta is a favorite of her family? Should they have to give it up?

Why do we (those of us that need to lose weight) expect everyone else to make the same sacrifices that we CHOOSE to make?

I basically cook all of the same foods that I cooked before deciding to lose weight. Where possible I have "lightened" them up. I figure out how much that I can eat and let everyone else decide how much they can eat. If I want to save some for my lunch the next day I put it in a separate container from the rest of the leftovers.

I just don't think that we can ask others to follow our own personal guidelines for weight management. If we do I think that we will find ourselves in the same position as the OP...having war over chicken and mash.

MsJulesRenee wrote: »

OP, I understand how you feel. My boyfriend, who I live with, bought me candy, soda, pizza, everything that will send me over the edge calorie wise. He bought them because he loves me and knows I cannot survive without treats. I smile, nod, and stick the chocolate in my sock drawer for later. Everything else I say "thank you but I can't eat that today. You can have it, baby". After about 6 months he got the idea that I don't need pizza, candy, and soda every night

As for him adding stuff to the crock pot, that would drive me crazy too lol. Counting calories isn't an exact science. As long as you are eating less than what you usually would you will be fine. I understand wanting a structured environment but you will have the inevitable, unplanned meals. Learning to fit them into your goals is important if you want to keep the weight off long term. You can't plan every single meal for the rest of your life!
Eat good when you can, be bad when you have to, exercise, it all evens out in the end.

I feel you! My hubby brings home Toblerone pies...not one, but two! They are in my freezer screaming my name...but I know he does it because HE knows I LOVE chocolate....so I give him the look, say "oh no you didn't" then stick it in the freezer for a day when I can afford it!

Nope, my husband is very supportive and I don't let stuff like that bother me. If he or the kids eat something, there is always more food in the house and I can always re-plan my meals. It literally takes a few minutes on my part to track another meal and if needed to do a bit more exercise to accommodate for any extra calories.

My husband doesn't cook AT ALL, so sorry I'm not getting your anger given you have a hubby who cooks for your family.

Seriously though you are going to have days when your food plans go to hell, you are going to have to be able to deal with that, and readjust your calories as needed.

Machka9 wrote: »

Elshe1977 wrote: »

I have struggled with my weight for 30 years and was feeling really positive since I started this two weeks ago. My husband have never had issues, chocolate, coke cola, Harribo sweets, he can do what he likes. So yes some of my frustration does also stem from that.

...

I've got nearly 200 lb to lose and food is my comfort so yes I will be venting my frustrations in other ways. I just wish that this man of mine would listen to me, you know? Soul mate and all that, we are very much one of those couples on films who argue just to make up but he doesn't want to plan food, he doesn't want to discuss what's for tea, he'll decide when the time comes and when he does discuss it, he changes it and that's fine, he's the one cooking. He can have this time to eat something that I shouldn't be eating and I will make plans to fit with that. He normally only has to cook twice a week, this week was an exception with 3 lates, and I've tried everything I can think of to find a positive solution, like recipes in the slow cooker but I come home to find he's added ingredients.

We always eat as a family when it's me cooking, we eat the same thing as a family. When he cooks I've turned into this deranged control freak and I'm getting angry with myself because of it. On a positive note. Haven't reached for a chocolate yet, which would be my normal trick.

I'm just tired of being fat and I want to be able to go into a normal shop and by regular size clothes even if it's a size 18 and I'm tired of fighting my fat on my own. I get why he doesn't understand but I'm still tired none the less.

I suppose I just needed someone to say, Yes we understand what you mean. Thanks again everyone.

a) you're 2 weeks into this ... it will take a little while to get into a pattern.

b) when it is his turn to cook, let him make food for himself and the kids ... and you can plan to eat something else. I offered several suggestions in an earlier post, but lots of veg plus maybe a Lean Cuisine meal or something. Lots of options out there.

c) at this point ... just worry about calories. Don't get all tied up in knots about macros. Just simply go with fewer calories than you're burning (CICO). Leave the macros for later.

However, that said, you will want to make good choices so you don't get hungry too quickly.