Honest thought. Am I wrong?

2

Replies

  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
    No. You can feel however you want to feel. You don't HAVE to feel sorry for them though.
  • Azuriaz
    Azuriaz Posts: 785 Member
    Chaelaz wrote: »
    Azuriaz wrote: »
    Chaelaz wrote: »
    I think people mentally align being content with being happy. I don't ever assume to tell them otherwise or think that my happiness is better though.

    I agree. But I think it takes a lot more than a nice body to be happy.

    To that end, you could say it doesn't take a nice body to be happy, which folds into the initial post of 250lbs bloggers being happy. And again, who are we to judge?

    And I agree with this, too. Definitely not judging!
  • SamanthaPeake
    SamanthaPeake Posts: 54 Member
    MsJulesRenee wrote: »
    Love them for their confidence and/or trying to be confident. Take that as your inspiration to love yourself while you're losing weight.

    Good advice x
  • sashayoung72
    sashayoung72 Posts: 441 Member
    I am going to be honest, I had similar feelings about one blogger in particular. I don't know that I was projecting my feelings onto this individual but I felt she was not only lying about her true weight but also the healthy eating and working out she was claiming. And then I realized it wasn't really about her weight or size. I might not have met her, but I just don't think I liked her. And that's fine. she probably wouldn't like me. LOL and if we met in person and I saw the true her, not the internet/tv whatever the world wanted to show, we might be BFF's.
  • oh_happy_day
    oh_happy_day Posts: 1,138 Member
    SamanthaPeake wrote: »
    Thank you to those who have replied in the spirit this post was intended. I was not trying to patronise or shame anybody. I was simply sharing an internal dialogue I was having with myself about my own body image and was hoping others may have felt the same. I have a daughter and a younger sister. I would never EVER shame a woman due to any aspect of her appearance. Thank you for your support!

    I didn't say that you were shaming them. I pointed out that feeling pity (you've since edited your post and put sympathy rather than pity) for them is kind of patronizing considering you don't know their internal experience. I appreciate that you have many conflicting feelings about this, it's a tough one!
  • SamanthaPeake
    SamanthaPeake Posts: 54 Member
    oh_happy_day wrote: »
    SamanthaPeake wrote: »
    Thank you to those who have replied in the spirit this post was intended. I was not trying to patronise or shame anybody. I was simply sharing an internal dialogue I was having with myself about my own body image and was hoping others may have felt the same. I have a daughter and a younger sister. I would never EVER shame a woman due to any aspect of her appearance. Thank you for your support!

    I didn't say that you were shaming them. I pointed out that feeling pity (you've since edited your post and put sympathy rather than pity) for them is kind of patronizing considering you don't know their internal experience. I appreciate that you have many conflicting feelings about this, it's a tough one!

    I did not edit my post! Not one word. You read it differently.
  • oh_happy_day
    oh_happy_day Posts: 1,138 Member
    MsJulesRenee wrote: »
    Love them for their confidence and/or trying to be confident. Take that as your inspiration to love yourself while you're losing weight.

    I like that. And also, we have more than just our bodies. People can have confidence and self-love because of who they are, not just how they look.
  • SpleenThief
    SpleenThief Posts: 293 Member
    How you feel about someone is how you feel about someone. You should never feel guilty for that. You need to do what's right for you. Again, that's not something you should ever feel guilty about. Are these women TRULY happy as they are? It's impossible for us to say.

  • SCP0914
    SCP0914 Posts: 74 Member
    I understand what you're saying, I noticed I've sort of been the same way. While I still think plus size models look beautiful, I find myself thinking "you could be so much healthier and happier."
    Trust me, I'm all about the mantra that women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful. But I also get irked when people sort of just accept an unhealthy lifestyle. There is a big difference between being comfortable with yourself/loving your body and accepting an unhealthy way of life just because it's easier than making healthy choices. Considering I've been technically morbidly obese most of my life, there's not an ounce of judgment. More of a "I wish you knew that you could do this too" sort of thing.
  • PennyVonDread
    PennyVonDread Posts: 432 Member
    I think it's kind of gross personally to project your own internalized fat hate onto others. Don't discredit the happiness of anyone because of your own personal unhappiness.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,472 Member
    SURE YOU CAN!!!!! YOU DO IT FOR YOU!!! ONLY YOU!!!
  • summerkissed
    summerkissed Posts: 730 Member
    SamanthaPeake wrote: »
    I've been overweight all of my adult life. I have always loved the plus size bloggers and follow what they wear and wish I had their confidence. To clarify I'm talking about the very large bloggers 250lb plus. But since I've started this weight lose journey I've started to look at them differently. I've been on diets all my life loosing a stone here and there and then always putting it back on and more within a few months. This time its so different. I'm weighing myself which I've never done before, I'm changing everything about how I eat, buy food, move, think about food. I'm cooking, I'm using MFP religiously and I'm truly starting a real journey of being fitter and thinner. Now I look at these bloggers with sympathy and I'm feeling so guilty. I suppose deep down I don't believe that they really are as happy and healthy as their blogs and photos make them out to be. I've got so much weight still to loose but now I've made the choice to change and it's really working I can finally admit to myself that I was unhealthy, unfit and unattractive and making myself ill. Am I wrong for feeling this way toward these women that have inspired me for so long. Am I projecting my negative thoughts onto them. Can you truly look and feel attractive and happy when you are obese?

    I think it's time you started a blog.....you are now the inspiration to those women that think they are happy.....go GET'EM tiger!!! You can be the one saving lives!
  • summerkissed
    summerkissed Posts: 730 Member
    edited September 2015
    summerkissed wrote: »
    SamanthaPeake wrote: »
    I've been overweight all of my adult life. I have always loved the plus size bloggers and follow what they wear and wish I had their confidence. To clarify I'm talking about the very large bloggers 250lb plus. But since I've started this weight lose journey I've started to look at them differently. I've been on diets all my life loosing a stone here and there and then always putting it back on and more within a few months. This time its so different. I'm weighing myself which I've never done before, I'm changing everything about how I eat, buy food, move, think about food. I'm cooking, I'm using MFP religiously and I'm truly starting a real journey of being fitter and thinner. Now I look at these bloggers with sympathy and I'm feeling so guilty. I suppose deep down I don't believe that they really are as happy and healthy as their blogs and photos make them out to be. I've got so much weight still to loose but now I've made the choice to change and it's really working I can finally admit to myself that I was unhealthy, unfit and unattractive and making myself ill. Am I wrong for feeling this way toward these women that have inspired me for so long. Am I projecting my negative thoughts onto them. Can you truly look and feel attractive and happy when you are obese?

    I think it's time you started a blog.....you are now the inspiration to those women that think they are happy.....go GET'EM tiger!!! You can be the one saving lives!

    We so often live in denial and make excuses and tell ourselves we are happy.....but once we see and accept our underlying problems and accept them we then look back and think ....hang on? It's not wrong it's life!!! And you can be happy but you can also be happier than before!....can you ever be too happy? Can being able to run around with your kids make you realize you feel better than just watching you kids run around? I mean both make us happy but one can make us feel even happier.....I'm useless with words lol I hope that makes sense!
  • Mark_on_a_Mission
    Mark_on_a_Mission Posts: 48 Member
    Very interesting post, and I can see the point the OP is making. I think people, including me previously, convince ourselves that we are happy as we are as that is easier than doing anything about it. Now that I have done something about it, I can see I was wrong and I'm sure other people would be happier if they did the same. It is one of those things we will never know for sure as if someone says they are happy, maybe they are, maybe not, but I think it is human nature to think about these things. Personally, if someone wanted help losing weight I would be more than happy to help in any way I can - but would not bring up the conversation to anyone unless they brought it up with me.
  • getitamb
    getitamb Posts: 2,019 Member
    I understand how you feel. My mind towards some obese people have changed. But it has nothing to do with blogs. It's when I'm in class I hear excuses. I was 250 going my hardest in Zumba and I was counting calories. So I don't want to hear I can't. And anyone can lift small free weights. I think your attitude just starts to change.


    Ps their happiness with themselves shouldn't have anything to do with yours.
  • PinkPixiexox
    PinkPixiexox Posts: 4,142 Member
    Kudos to you for posting this, OP :)

    I feel exactly the same way..

    I used to follow quite a few plus sized bloggers and their 'fat and proud' (their words) attitude inspired me, uplifted me and stopped me from hating myself so much. I guess I kind of related to them because I was overweight too yet I had yet to be as confident as any of them. To me, they were 'real women'.

    Now I've lost my excess weight, I don't look at them as 'real women' anymore. In fact, the phrase itself sickens me. Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with how they live their life or their pride - good for them, but I now know WHY I was such fans of theirs. I was in complete denial that my excess weight was actually unhealthy and not good for me at all. I was looking everywhere for some kind of acceptance for being overweight instead of doing something about it because the thought of losing weight was too hard for me to even get my head around. I refused to give up my food and instead shunned 'thin people' and claimed to have a 'REAL figure'. All of a sudden, these very overweight women were speaking up and flaunting themselves over the internet with nothing but confidence and they convinced me that it was better to be 'fat'.

    The truth is, it isn't better to be fat. It isn't better to be underweight either. What these women are doing is making a statement to the world and demanding to be accepted for what they are. I accept EVERYBODY. Absolutely EVERYBODY. Regardless of size, colour, weight, religion - I accept you. But you absolutely cannot deny that being significantly overweight is medically unhealthy and this kind of plus sized 'flaunting' is JUST as corruptive as pro-anorexia sites. Why is it magazines are constantly bashed for featuring 'stick thin models' on their pages? Yet as soon as an overweight woman is featured - she is considered a real woman. Surely a balance is vital? It is not healthy to be underweight. It is not healthy to be overweight. Being proud of who you are is BRILLIANT. We should all be proud of who we are - I was proud of myself as an overweight unhealthy woman. I'm proud of myself as a healthy weight woman.

    But we should not encourage extremes.

  • PetiaIvailova
    PetiaIvailova Posts: 6 Member
    PinkPixiexox wrote: »

    The truth is, it isn't better to be fat. It isn't better to be underweight either. What these women are doing is making a statement to the world and demanding to be accepted for what they are. I accept EVERYBODY. Absolutely EVERYBODY. Regardless of size, colour, weight, religion - I accept you. But you absolutely cannot deny that being significantly overweight is medically unhealthy and this kind of plus sized 'flaunting' is JUST as corruptive as pro-anorexia sites. Why is it magazines are constantly bashed for featuring 'stick thin models' on their pages? Yet as soon as an overweight woman is featured - she is considered a real woman. Surely a balance is vital? It is not healthy to be underweight. It is not healthy to be overweight. Being proud of who you are is BRILLIANT. We should all be proud of who we are - I was proud of myself as an overweight unhealthy woman. I'm proud of myself as a healthy weight woman.

    But we should not encourage extremes.

    Very well said!
  • VanillaBeanSeed
    VanillaBeanSeed Posts: 562 Member
    As someone who has lost 100+ pounds. I still follow plus sized blogs because I still admire those who love themselves for who they are. I changed for ME, but that doesnt mean I think everyone should change. =)
  • sashayoung72
    sashayoung72 Posts: 441 Member
    PinkPixiexox wrote: »
    Kudos to you for posting this, OP :)

    I feel exactly the same way..

    I used to follow quite a few plus sized bloggers and their 'fat and proud' (their words) attitude inspired me, uplifted me and stopped me from hating myself so much. I guess I kind of related to them because I was overweight too yet I had yet to be as confident as any of them. To me, they were 'real women'.

    Now I've lost my excess weight, I don't look at them as 'real women' anymore. In fact, the phrase itself sickens me. Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with how they live their life or their pride - good for them, but I now know WHY I was such fans of theirs. I was in complete denial that my excess weight was actually unhealthy and not good for me at all. I was looking everywhere for some kind of acceptance for being overweight instead of doing something about it because the thought of losing weight was too hard for me to even get my head around. I refused to give up my food and instead shunned 'thin people' and claimed to have a 'REAL figure'. All of a sudden, these very overweight women were speaking up and flaunting themselves over the internet with nothing but confidence and they convinced me that it was better to be 'fat'.

    The truth is, it isn't better to be fat. It isn't better to be underweight either. What these women are doing is making a statement to the world and demanding to be accepted for what they are. I accept EVERYBODY. Absolutely EVERYBODY. Regardless of size, colour, weight, religion - I accept you. But you absolutely cannot deny that being significantly overweight is medically unhealthy and this kind of plus sized 'flaunting' is JUST as corruptive as pro-anorexia sites. Why is it magazines are constantly bashed for featuring 'stick thin models' on their pages? Yet as soon as an overweight woman is featured - she is considered a real woman. Surely a balance is vital? It is not healthy to be underweight. It is not healthy to be overweight. Being proud of who you are is BRILLIANT. We should all be proud of who we are - I was proud of myself as an overweight unhealthy woman. I'm proud of myself as a healthy weight woman.

    But we should not encourage extremes.
    *clap**clap**clap* so well said!
  • rbfdac
    rbfdac Posts: 1,057 Member
    Crochet180 wrote: »
    I think (and this is my opinion only) that you're starting to realise that you're not happy being over-weight. You're enjoying the journey so far and this does have an effect on the way we see other people. However, we can never really know what someone else is thinking/feeling so I would be thinking solely about how you feel, surrounding yourself with positive, healthy images and role models and reaching out for support when you need it. How others feel is their business, how you feel is yours.

    This. You do you. If they're happy (or pretending to be happy), it's their business, not yours. If you aren't viewing them as role models any more, find other role models.

    Additionally, I hate the phrasing "very large bloggers 250+" I am over 250 lbs and absolutely not "very large". But that's just me being offended. See above paragraph for actual advice.

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