Hi Everyone,

I am not even really sure why I am sharing this, but Monday was an amazing day for me. I am 10 years out for my Roux en Y surgery and had my 10 year appointment. I am up more than I was last year (d/t medication change) and I wasn't happy going into my appointment. My doctor actually supported my current weight (with maybe only a 5-8lb loss ok) and said last year I was too thin. (for me I think it was a number I was excited to see). Anyway, what I wanted to share was this.
10 yrs ago, I took a huge leap of faith by having this surgery, I was scared, and had no idea what was in front of me, but I was totally committed. I was committed to the life style changes, the tools that were given me, and the entire process.

Monday when I went in was a bit emotional. I asked my Doctor who has been doing my follow ups for the last 8 years to have a copy of my initial eval picture....as soon as she showed me, I started to cry. I was looking at "me", but it was no longer me. It was the shell of me, and I could see in my eyes it was a sad, unhappy, miserable me. I have lost over 110# and maintained that this entire time, and for the first time (yes, the first time) I could see that I was no longer that size. You see, I have struggled with body dysmorphia for quite some time, and I am actively in counseling and working to rid those fears or the unwarranted anxiety that I wont fit in a chair, that I will be the center of attention (for bad reasons) when walking into a room. I did it...it wasn't me anymore...

Adding to the emotions of the day was "time capsule" I had made for myself. I put in a few pictures of myself/friends from 2006, my favorite pair of jeans, a Tshirt, and the most heartwrenching, a 1 page note to my future self. I brought this with me and opened up for the 1st time together with my doctor, and my mom who I asked to come along. It was a story of a girl who was lost, who was so emotionally hurt/torn from the things that she did to her body, and the shame she felt. I talked about how one day, someone would love me for just me (Guess what? Engaged in August 2015, getting married in 4 months, and he really DOES love me for me and is aware of my weight issues). It talked about my goal weight....and IVE MADE it...a realistic goal weight. And those jeans...I could fit into one side of them! I went from a 22/24, to an 8/10, at my lowest a 4/6 (that is when I was too thing for my 5'10 frame).

If you are still reading this, I guess I just want to say Congrats, to all of you, and to all of us who choose to take this journey, knowing that it is a true GIFT, it is not magic, you work the system you were given, you work the tools that were provided, and you can have success!!

When I walked out of my appointment I felt lighter in my heart, I felt a sense of relief. It was like I was closing a chapter in my life, I had made it, I proved to myself and to others that it wasn't "the easy way out". I AM A SUCCESS, and so proud. So as I closed that chapter of my life, I am about to begin a new chapter, getting married, continuing my journey with maintaining my weight, and truly, for the first time, enjoying living in this body God gave me!

(Thanks for reading< I just wanted to share)