Don't Set Yourself Up To Fail
Replies
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I think the reason people don't want to believe that they can lose on 1700-1800 calories is because they haven't stopped to think (be honest with themselves) about how many calories they've were eating to become/stay overweight. Chances are...it was a much higher number than that!
We all learn how to weigh/log food here (or we should be), so if people would stop to calculate what a typical days/weeks eating looked like before they started cutting calories they would see the error they're making.
This was absolutely true for me a while ago. I think I couldn't face how much I was eating to stay at the weight I was so I would think "well I eat about 2000 calories now and I'm 100lb too fat so surely half that is right". I have no idea what i was actually eating calorie wise, I shudder to think.3 -
emmylootwo wrote: »godlikepoetyes wrote: »There's also a very good chance that you will quit MFP and come back three years from now having gained the weight back and trying to start over.
Literally me. I lost 150 pounds using MFP back in 2010-2011. I trusted MFP on and off for those two years, but mostly decided on my own to eat 1100-1200 calories a day for a quicker weight loss. I became obsessed. Food took control of my life until depression and an anxiety disorder led to full-blown bulimia nervosa. Then 1200 calories turned into bingeing and purging, eating 500 calories a day, exercising 3 hours a day, and water fasting as well as laxative and diuretic abuse. And guess what? I went to therapy. Didn't work. I was placed in the hospital. Didn't work. I only began to get healthier both physically and mentally when I started following MFPs recommendations and just getting my calories in that general ballpark area. Eating what I wanted, when I wanted. I maintained my weight for a little over a year.
Then, I went through some terrible stress. Gained weight, dieted, gained more weight, restricted harder. Now I have gained back all 150 pounds PLUS 50 MORE. I constantly wonder what my life would be like had I just followed the MFP recommendations and been more flexible and steady in my weight loss the first time around. Maybe I still would have struggled with an ED, but maybe not. Maybe I pushed that on myself by setting all those unnecessary restrictions and unrealistic goals. (Obviously I do recognize that my bulimia is/was a mental illness, but I gave it the ammunition by restricting more and more and more until it really wasn't in my control anymore.) Maybe I still would have gained the weight back, but then again, maybe not. Perhaps I would have had a healthier relationship with food during my times of stress and been more comfortable knowing that I could set my calories to maintenance to help curb the emotional binges on food.
And now that I'm working on losing this 170ish pounds now, I'm still struggling!! Doubting MFP, hating myself for not losing ten pounds a week, asking for reassurances that I'm not eating too much at 1600 calories a day as a 340 pound 5'8'' woman! So thank you for this post. I have been playing around with the idea of eating the 1910 calories MFP recommends to me for -2 lbs a week. I think I really will give it a try now.
I am glad you found this post and I'm glad it has helped in some way. But, I want to urge you to continue whatever counseling program you are in, and if you AREN'T in a program please get in one asap. That being said, I can relate somewhat to your food issues because I do obsess over food. (right now it's Strawberry Pop Tarts) And I've tried and failed and lost and regained and then gained more, more than once. One of the things that has helped me succeed this time around (so far) is 1) I felt so horrible physically and 2) I received the counseling I needed to address my body shame issues, self-loathing, I'm-so-hideous, etc. So work whatever program you're in and get the support you must have. As for calories, trust MFP.2 -
UncaToddly wrote: »
...For me, it is a number. Today's number. Nothing more, nothing less. I log it and move on and when I gain a pound or two here or there, I can guess why lol.godlikepoetyes wrote: »Thank you! I reset my goal through settings, and my new calorie goal is 1480 per day (initially was 1200). So much more manageable and realistic. I feel so good about this now! I feel like this post gave me permission to let go of a much too aggressive weekly weight loss goal. Thank you OP!
Good for you! And while you're losing, don't weigh every day, at least at first. When I weigh every day I go insane. And don't play games with the scale. Weigh ONE time, the same time every week (or two weeks, or month, whatever). Don't move the scale to another place on the floor. Just weigh once and record your weight.
Definitely going to heed this advice--the daily weigh ins are making me crazy, as sometimes the number is the same, down, up; my mood has been attached to these fluctuations. No need for this madness! Putting the scale away, sticking to my new calorie goal with fidelity, and meeting my reasonable weekly fitness/exercise goals will all help me achieve success. My new weigh in day will be every other Saturday. I feel free! Thank you!
--->>Sometimes when I am being good and it doesn't move for a few days, then BAM, it shows a loss, it validates that it is all part of a journey.
I find that (for me) the reward or penalty for "being good" or eating too many calories is DELAYED! I will be doing well, and the weight loss doesn't show up until a few days later, for instance. I will get frustrated at how slowly the weight is coming off. Or at times I will eat some high calorie items and go above goal, and I'll think that I got away with something because it will look like I stayed the same weight. But then I will get the payback and my weight will pop up 2 pounds practically overnight.
I know well the "I've got away with this!" feeling. For me, I always log everything, even if I'm over by 2,000 calories for the day. I face it head on. I do not cheat, even though I WANT to and I thought I WAS! And when I get on the scale Saturday I record my weight and decide what to do next. Usually, I begin to eat within my calories and things swing back the other way.3 -
Fabulous post! I worked out my calorie intake based on my macros, rather than the MFP recommendation as if I ate so few calories I'd probably end up committing murder (if I could find the strength to do it). I also measure, and very rarely weigh... the tape measure is far more friendly than the scales, especially if you are working out as well!1
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Fabulous post! I worked out my calorie intake based on my macros, rather than the MFP recommendation as if I ate so few calories I'd probably end up committing murder (if I could find the strength to do it). I also measure, and very rarely weigh... the tape measure is far more friendly than the scales, especially if you are working out as well!
I want to move beyond the scale, but I don't trust myself yet. And my measurements are strange--my waist is still large. My boobs have gotten bigger, not smaller. My hips have not lost much, but my butt is getting smaller and smaller. Makes for an odd fit for pants! But I hope to follow in your footsteps!0 -
As somebody who started out on this journey a little older, maybe a little more sedentary, with a little less to lose than others, 1200 calories per day seems to be working for me. I eat a lot of protein and healthy fat and fiber, so I don't feel like I am starving myself. I understand that 1200 calories is less than what is needed to fuel my sedentary body. And 1200 is an absolute minimum. For complete slug days. I have them sometimes.
The good news is how exercise allows more calorie flexibility. When I am on my treadmill, I shoot for burning around 200 - 250 calories, which allows me closer to 1400 calories. I have lost exactly one pound per week for 13 weeks (Ok, technically 0.98 lbs/week but who is counting?), so I *think* it's working like it should. Have I been eating too little? I always worry about that. I sometimes stop trusting MFP. I see so many posts about this magical yet horrible number 1200 and heaven forbid you eat 100 less, because that is the end of the world. I make sure I eat my 1200, and make sure I exercise and enjoy the flexibility of eating more. I look at my results and am reassured. I am stronger. I fit into clothes more comfortably. I think I am doing OK... but there is so much "what if.." for me, even when it seems to be working.
I don't like to see the number 1200 as such a negative so often. I believe it is appropriate for some people, maybe with the caveat of it being short-term.
We beginners really need to know more about healthy weight loss. We need to understand more about rapid water weight fluctuations. We need to be aware that muscle loss is likely with severe restriction. We need to see more weight loss graphs, showing how non-linear weight loss is. I think that MFP could do better with providing some links to this information when we sign-up and select our goals.1 -
<We beginners really need to know more about healthy weight loss. We need to understand more about rapid water weight fluctuations. We need to be aware that muscle loss is likely with severe restriction. We need to see more weight loss graphs, showing how non-linear weight loss is. I think that MFP could do better with providing some links to this information when we sign-up and select our goals.>
Yes. More information would be great, but from what I've seen, and I am being a little harsh here, so many people don't listen to reason. Someone mentioned that in this thread--the desperation to lose weight. This is not entirely the fault of the desparate dieters--this desperation is fueled by the weight-loss industry and MFP is a part of that industry. Just as every other weight loss program, they are required to put "individual weight loss may vary, results not typical." (I'm trying to find where this is, I saw it yesterday.) Does MFP want you to have this info? Perhaps. But they don't give it to you upfront. They, just like all the other weight loss outlets, want you money. I give them mine. It's worth it to me. But just think of all those who sign up for the premium and never come back!
So yes, I wish more info was available, and it might help, but the actual info is not especially encouraging--
"First, see your doctor. Next, accept the reality. Weight loss is hard work, maintaining the loss is even harder, most people who lose weight will gain it all back, and more. Your best shot is to lose the weight slowly, change your lifestyle, and start an exercise program. Above all, do not try fad diets, magic pills, extreme exercise, supplements, enemas, "cleanses," tonics, or snake oils. Do not listen to the constantly changing nutrition hype coming down the pike every hour. Accept that there is and never will be a magic solution. Set reasonable goals and make sure you can maintain your eating plan forever and ever. If you have emotional issues with eating, either binging, purging, extreme restriction, or a combination of these, get professional help. If you experience body dysmorphia, seek professional help. If you cannot control your intake of food, seek professional help. If you find yourself panicking about food, your intake of it or the number on the scale, seek professional help. If you find yourself exercising two or more hours a day so you can eat more, seek professional help. If all else fails, talk to your doctor about gastric bypass or lap band surgery with full awareness that even these sometimes life-threatening procedures are no guarantee of permanent weight-loss."
Anyone who has done research about food, weight loss, nutrition, etc. knows all this, especially those of us who have been at this game a long, long time. Like, our entire lives. But who, starting out on a weight loss program, wants to read that?0 -
godlikepoetyes wrote: »Fabulous post! I worked out my calorie intake based on my macros, rather than the MFP recommendation as if I ate so few calories I'd probably end up committing murder (if I could find the strength to do it). I also measure, and very rarely weigh... the tape measure is far more friendly than the scales, especially if you are working out as well!
I want to move beyond the scale, but I don't trust myself yet. And my measurements are strange--my waist is still large. My boobs have gotten bigger, not smaller. My hips have not lost much, but my butt is getting smaller and smaller. Makes for an odd fit for pants! But I hope to follow in your footsteps!
Are you sure your boobs are getting bigger? Cup size goes up as you lose a band size... so 34 C will be the same as 32 D.
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godlikepoetyes wrote: »<We beginners really need to know more about healthy weight loss. We need to understand more about rapid water weight fluctuations. We need to be aware that muscle loss is likely with severe restriction. We need to see more weight loss graphs, showing how non-linear weight loss is. I think that MFP could do better with providing some links to this information when we sign-up and select our goals.>
Yes. More information would be great, but from what I've seen, and I am being a little harsh here, so many people don't listen to reason. Someone mentioned that in this thread--the desperation to lose weight. This is not entirely the fault of the desparate dieters--this desperation is fueled by the weight-loss industry and MFP is a part of that industry.
Agree with the weight loss industry fueling the desperation. Throw in the media as well. It makes us feel bad, and we just want to stop feeling bad. Quickly. Self-loathing issue, I know.godlikepoetyes wrote: »Just as every other weight loss program, they are required to put "individual weight loss may vary, results not typical." (I'm trying to find where this is, I saw it yesterday.) Does MFP want you to have this info? Perhaps. But they don't give it to you upfront. They, just like all the other weight loss outlets, want you money. I give them mine. It's worth it to me. But just think of all those who sign up for the premium and never come back!
So yes, I wish more info was available, and it might help, but the actual info is not especially encouraging--
"First, see your doctor. Next, accept the reality. Weight loss is hard work, maintaining the loss is even harder, most people who lose weight will gain it all back, and more. Your best shot is to lose the weight slowly, change your lifestyle, and start an exercise program. Above all, do not try fad diets, magic pills, extreme exercise, supplements, enemas, "cleanses," tonics, or snake oils. Do not listen to the constantly changing nutrition hype coming down the pike every hour. Accept that there is and never will be a magic solution. Set reasonable goals and make sure you can maintain your eating plan forever and ever. If you have emotional issues with eating, either binging, purging, extreme restriction, or a combination of these, get professional help. If you experience body dysmorphia, seek professional help. If you cannot control your intake of food, seek professional help. If you find yourself panicking about food, your intake of it or the number on the scale, seek professional help. If you find yourself exercising two or more hours a day so you can eat more, seek professional help. If all else fails, talk to your doctor about gastric bypass or lap band surgery with full awareness that even these sometimes life-threatening procedures are no guarantee of permanent weight-loss."
Anyone who has done research about food, weight loss, nutrition, etc. knows all this, especially those of us who have been at this game a long, long time. Like, our entire lives. But who, starting out on a weight loss program, wants to read that?
I figured that slightly more positive yet still "actual" information could be chosen over the harsh negatives. Example: During signup, if you select rapid (2 lb/wk) weight loss and it is not realistic for the other information that you entered, you could get a message about realistic goals, eating habits, etc. Or, after signup, you could be directed to a page with helpful links and sections about some of the most common issues plagued by noobs like daily water weight fluctuations. My thought was that maybe a few less noobs would become discouraged or ask those same questions on the message boards. An option to get daily tips or to get links to helpful threads might also help. Give newer users more of an edge so they get information about the most common issues quickly, without having to become a seasoned veteran of the message board. That's what I meant when I said that I thought that MFP could do better. Nip the worst and most common issues in the bud.
I am glad that you started this thread to reiterate how important it is to have the right mindset for weight loss.
Don't panic!
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godlikepoetyes wrote: »I also did not say that losing 2 pounds a week was necessarily unhealthy.
You did actually say it was unhealthy or in your words killing usgodlikepoetyes wrote: »I KNOW. 2 pounds a week. And lots of these women (sometimes men) have only 30, 20 pounds to lose. You just can't lose that fast without killing yourself!1 -
godlikepoetyes wrote: »If you are able to weigh every day and that number on the scale does not determine your mood, then more power to you. The number on the scale determines my mood. Even weighing once a week can be difficult for me. I wish this were not the case, but it is. My hope is to eventually stop weighing altogether. This seems like an impossibility to me, but my counselor assures me it can be done.
Weighing daily was part of how I got over being so bothered/affected by the number on the scale. It became just a data point.
Not weighing for a while tends to lead to weight gain and a return of the scale fear, so for me weighing regularly is a good thing.7 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »godlikepoetyes wrote: »If you are able to weigh every day and that number on the scale does not determine your mood, then more power to you. The number on the scale determines my mood. Even weighing once a week can be difficult for me. I wish this were not the case, but it is. My hope is to eventually stop weighing altogether. This seems like an impossibility to me, but my counselor assures me it can be done.
Weighing daily was part of how I got over being so bothered/affected by the number on the scale. It became just a data point.
Not weighing for a while tends to lead to weight gain and a return of the scale fear, so for me weighing regularly is a good thing.
Same here. What also helped me was learning more about fluctuations and what causes them. Knowing that they are normal took a lot of the pressure and stress off of me.6 -
I used to dread the scale. Weighing daily got me over that as well.3
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Weighing daily helps keep me motivated. If it goes down, Yay! If not, means I need to stay focused. Either way, it tells me to stay the course.4
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godlikepoetyes wrote: »Thank you! I reset my goal through settings, and my new calorie goal is 1480 per day (initially was 1200). So much more manageable and realistic. I feel so good about this now! I feel like this post gave me permission to let go of a much too aggressive weekly weight loss goal. Thank you OP!
Good for you! And while you're losing, don't weigh every day, at least at first. When I weigh every day I go insane. And don't play games with the scale. Weigh ONE time, the same time every week (or two weeks, or month, whatever). Don't move the scale to another place on the floor. Just weigh once and record your weight.
Definitely going to heed this advice--the daily weigh ins are making me crazy, as sometimes the number is the same, down, up; my mood has been attached to these fluctuations. No need for this madness! Putting the scale away, sticking to my new calorie goal with fidelity, and meeting my reasonable weekly fitness/exercise goals will all help me achieve success. My new weigh in day will be every other Saturday. I feel free! Thank you!
I just asked my husband to hide the scale. It makes me crazy too. Sticking to my goal is my measure of success for now!1 -
CorneliusPhoton wrote: »godlikepoetyes wrote: »<We beginners really need to know more about healthy weight loss. We need to understand more about rapid water weight fluctuations. We need to be aware that muscle loss is likely with severe restriction. We need to see more weight loss graphs, showing how non-linear weight loss is. I think that MFP could do better with providing some links to this information when we sign-up and select our goals.>
Yes. More information would be great, but from what I've seen, and I am being a little harsh here, so many people don't listen to reason. Someone mentioned that in this thread--the desperation to lose weight. This is not entirely the fault of the desparate dieters--this desperation is fueled by the weight-loss industry and MFP is a part of that industry.
Agree with the weight loss industry fueling the desperation. Throw in the media as well. It makes us feel bad, and we just want to stop feeling bad. Quickly. Self-loathing issue, I know.godlikepoetyes wrote: »Just as every other weight loss program, they are required to put "individual weight loss may vary, results not typical." (I'm trying to find where this is, I saw it yesterday.) Does MFP want you to have this info? Perhaps. But they don't give it to you upfront. They, just like all the other weight loss outlets, want you money. I give them mine. It's worth it to me. But just think of all those who sign up for the premium and never come back!
So yes, I wish more info was available, and it might help, but the actual info is not especially encouraging--
"First, see your doctor. Next, accept the reality. Weight loss is hard work, maintaining the loss is even harder, most people who lose weight will gain it all back, and more. Your best shot is to lose the weight slowly, change your lifestyle, and start an exercise program. Above all, do not try fad diets, magic pills, extreme exercise, supplements, enemas, "cleanses," tonics, or snake oils. Do not listen to the constantly changing nutrition hype coming down the pike every hour. Accept that there is and never will be a magic solution. Set reasonable goals and make sure you can maintain your eating plan forever and ever. If you have emotional issues with eating, either binging, purging, extreme restriction, or a combination of these, get professional help. If you experience body dysmorphia, seek professional help. If you cannot control your intake of food, seek professional help. If you find yourself panicking about food, your intake of it or the number on the scale, seek professional help. If you find yourself exercising two or more hours a day so you can eat more, seek professional help. If all else fails, talk to your doctor about gastric bypass or lap band surgery with full awareness that even these sometimes life-threatening procedures are no guarantee of permanent weight-loss."
Anyone who has done research about food, weight loss, nutrition, etc. knows all this, especially those of us who have been at this game a long, long time. Like, our entire lives. But who, starting out on a weight loss program, wants to read that?
I figured that slightly more positive yet still "actual" information could be chosen over the harsh negatives. Example: During signup, if you select rapid (2 lb/wk) weight loss and it is not realistic for the other information that you entered, you could get a message about realistic goals, eating habits, etc. Or, after signup, you could be directed to a page with helpful links and sections about some of the most common issues plagued by noobs like daily water weight fluctuations. My thought was that maybe a few less noobs would become discouraged or ask those same questions on the message boards. An option to get daily tips or to get links to helpful threads might also help. Give newer users more of an edge so they get information about the most common issues quickly, without having to become a seasoned veteran of the message board. That's what I meant when I said that I thought that MFP could do better. Nip the worst and most common issues in the bud.
I am glad that you started this thread to reiterate how important it is to have the right mindset for weight loss.
Don't panic!
Yes. Your ideas are very good. And earlier, I was venting a bit. I had just read ANOTHER identical post!0 -
godlikepoetyes wrote: »I also did not say that losing 2 pounds a week was necessarily unhealthy.
You did actually say it was unhealthy or in your words killing usgodlikepoetyes wrote: »I KNOW. 2 pounds a week. And lots of these women (sometimes men) have only 30, 20 pounds to lose. You just can't lose that fast without killing yourself!
"killing yourself" sarcasm /hyperbole / playful rhetoric. Good grief.5 -
godlikepoetyes wrote: »godlikepoetyes wrote: »I also did not say that losing 2 pounds a week was necessarily unhealthy.
You did actually say it was unhealthy or in your words killing usgodlikepoetyes wrote: »I KNOW. 2 pounds a week. And lots of these women (sometimes men) have only 30, 20 pounds to lose. You just can't lose that fast without killing yourself!
"killing yourself" sarcasm /hyperbole / playful rhetoric. Good grief.
And still not healthy. Lol.1 -
godlikepoetyes wrote: »godlikepoetyes wrote: »I also did not say that losing 2 pounds a week was necessarily unhealthy.
You did actually say it was unhealthy or in your words killing usgodlikepoetyes wrote: »I KNOW. 2 pounds a week. And lots of these women (sometimes men) have only 30, 20 pounds to lose. You just can't lose that fast without killing yourself!
"killing yourself" sarcasm /hyperbole / playful rhetoric. Good grief.
If it's some girl at like 120 pounds trying to get down to 100 who tries to get a 1000 calorie daily deficit, I'd call that "killing yourself" too.5 -
emmylootwo wrote: »godlikepoetyes wrote: »There's also a very good chance that you will quit MFP and come back three years from now having gained the weight back and trying to start over.
Literally me. I lost 150 pounds using MFP back in 2010-2011. I trusted MFP on and off for those two years, but mostly decided on my own to eat 1100-1200 calories a day for a quicker weight loss. I became obsessed. Food took control of my life until depression and an anxiety disorder led to full-blown bulimia nervosa. Then 1200 calories turned into bingeing and purging, eating 500 calories a day, exercising 3 hours a day, and water fasting as well as laxative and diuretic abuse. And guess what? I went to therapy. Didn't work. I was placed in the hospital. Didn't work. I only began to get healthier both physically and mentally when I started following MFPs recommendations and just getting my calories in that general ballpark area. Eating what I wanted, when I wanted. I maintained my weight for a little over a year.
Then, I went through some terrible stress. Gained weight, dieted, gained more weight, restricted harder. Now I have gained back all 150 pounds PLUS 50 MORE. I constantly wonder what my life would be like had I just followed the MFP recommendations and been more flexible and steady in my weight loss the first time around. Maybe I still would have struggled with an ED, but maybe not. Maybe I pushed that on myself by setting all those unnecessary restrictions and unrealistic goals. (Obviously I do recognize that my bulimia is/was a mental illness, but I gave it the ammunition by restricting more and more and more until it really wasn't in my control anymore.) Maybe I still would have gained the weight back, but then again, maybe not. Perhaps I would have had a healthier relationship with food during my times of stress and been more comfortable knowing that I could set my calories to maintenance to help curb the emotional binges on food.
And now that I'm working on losing this 170ish pounds now, I'm still struggling!! Doubting MFP, hating myself for not losing ten pounds a week, asking for reassurances that I'm not eating too much at 1600 calories a day as a 340 pound 5'8'' woman! So thank you for this post. I have been playing around with the idea of eating the 1910 calories MFP recommends to me for -2 lbs a week. I think I really will give it a try now.
I am several inches shorter than you and weigh quite a bit less, and I average close to 1600 calories a day for weight loss, sometimes more with exercise. If you are logging accurately, I am SUPER confident that you can and should bump your calories up!!
I wish you the best on your journey to a healthy mind, soul, and body 0
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