Fat Shamed at Grocery Stores

12357…10

Replies

  • sugom2
    sugom2 Posts: 93 Member
    What are the names of the two grocery stores--this should be stopped and management should be made aware of it.
  • RainaProske
    RainaProske Posts: 636 Member
    While people used to comment on my being overweight, I have never ever had anything this egregious said to me, when I was overweight. It was more the looks I got and attitudes of disdain that bothered me.

    However, I have had comments, that may be perceived as rude by some, made to me since I've lost the weight. To me, they feel like compliments. It delights me, actually, when people say such things to me as
    "You are so thin, what do you know about being overweight?"
    "You're so tiny, the next wind is going to blow you away."
    "You need to put on some weight."
    "You're too skinny."
    I smile. I laugh. Occasionally, I even say, "Well, I used to weigh 237." Yesterday, when a nurse asked me how much I weigh, I responded, "Two hundred . . ." then caught myself. We laughed! And she shouted out to her coworker in the next office that I'd tried to tell her I weigh 200 pounds. It was all hilarious, taken in good fun.

    However, there's one store that, all the while I was overweight, treated me with dignity and friendliness, in spite of the fact that it was a health food store where most of the shoppers were beautifully fit. About every 8 months or so, I pull an employee and a manager aside and tell them how they treated me. They need to know it was appreciated and should continue to be encouraged.
  • RougeSara
    RougeSara Posts: 60 Member
    Never been fat shamed in a grocery store. These cashiers were being rude and unprofessional, please tell management and they will be put in their place. I do get it though, it hurts even though you don't know the people. I used to get people yelling names at me out of their cars as they passed and it knocks you down a lot. Just tell yourself that these people are shallow and don't know you, they don't know your life, your story and they are nothing.

    Im sorry this happened to you:(
  • Packerjohn
    Packerjohn Posts: 4,855 Member
    CoffeeandCats2 wrote: »
    Thank you all........I will admit that today I have been having junk food again (a whole large pizza) because I'm still really upset. I can barely get out of bed. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal but it's really upsetting and I couldn't sleep until the early hours last night. A lot of you are saying I should tell the manager of the stores, but I don't want to get anyone fired :/

    If it went down as you said, you're not getting anyone fired, their own actions will be getting them fired.
  • novio50
    novio50 Posts: 778 Member
    Don't let people's words discourage you. Prove them wrong! Success is the best way to shut up a naysayer. And after you've gotten where you want to be, they'll look the same and ask for your advice and when they do (despite what I wrote above) let them know that you'd help them for a fee not for free. And make you some money off of their motivation while you're at it!
  • RainaProske
    RainaProske Posts: 636 Member
    edited July 2016
    @CoffeeandCats2 , I am really trying to understand. I hope I am not being rude! I just don't understand why you are giving these jerks so much power over yourself, your diet, your choices, what you think you look like, your thoughts! You are letting them control you, and YOU are none of their business! You need to let this thing go!

    No one is going to put the fork down for you. You can control the fork, if you choose to.
  • Amarie295
    Amarie295 Posts: 9 Member
    I am so so sorry that this happened to you. I was tearing up reading your post because I cannot even imagine how horrible it must have felt to have someone say something like that to you, and I am just very sorry that you had to go through that. I am overweight as well, and while I have never had a stranger say anything that out of line to me, I am familiar with being made to feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and I think that that is something that many people can relate to, regardless of their weight. It's so sad that so many people in this world are so set on tearing other people down.

    What people don't often realize is that when someone is overweight, fat shaming and belittling them is NOT going to inspire them to go to the gym or eat healthy. In fact, most overweight people I have known, as well as myself, have emotional ties to food, and when something like this happens our natural reaction is to go home and eat a lot of comfort food. I have never met one single person who has been motivated to get healthy as a result of being treated badly by others. 9 times out of 10 it will have the opposite effect.

    So the thing that you need to remember are that these people are unbearably ignorant. They are women who have grown up just as the rest of us, being taught that fat is ugly and bad and disgusting, that it is the worst thing that could ever happen to you and that life probably isn't even worth living if you're fat. But this is what they are forgetting:

    It doesn't matter if you're fat. It matters if you're healthy. And you, my dear, have a healthier mindset than they EVER have. Who would you rather be: the girl who is trying her best to make a positive lifestyle change and become healthier, or the snob at the grocery store who is so terrified of being over a size 10 that your mere presence reminds her of her own insecurities and turns her into a mean, miserable person? Please don't let people like this poison your mind with their judgement and their hate. You are doing your best to be the best person that you can be. Can they say the same?

    Don't avoid the grocery store or feel insecure going there. Make a list of healthy groceries to buy and go about your business and just focus on being proud of yourself for the healthy decisions that you are making. And if anyone ever says something like this to you again, please stand up for yourself. Put them in their place and let them know that shaming other people does NOT inspire that person to change themselves, and that they could really help someone in the future if they choose to treat others with kindness and positivity instead. Or, you know, demand to see their boss and get their sorry *kitten* fired. Whichever you feel like. Either way, you should never tolerate being treated this way.

    Sending you hugs and lots of positive vibes. Don't give up... you got this!
  • Amarie295
    Amarie295 Posts: 9 Member
    edited July 2016
    nutmegoreo wrote: »
    While I don't disagree with the bulk of your message, the point that stands out to me is the bolded-italicized part. If she is allowing some random persons ignorant comments effect her to the point of overeating two days in a row, her mindset is not healthy. She needs to sort out her own emotions, or this type of thing will continue to derail her, repeatedly.

    I can definitely see where you are coming from, and I do agree with you. It is unhealthy to let someone's words have so much power over you, and it is definitely something that she would benefit to work on. But I also don't think that this setback should negate the positive decisions she was making before this happened. When you lead an unhealthy lifestyle, even taking that very first step towards eating healthier is a HUGE accomplishment. It is so much easier to go to the store and load up the cart with unhealthy, comfortable choices. And anyone who resists that urge deserves credit. The first step to recovering from anything, whether it be unhealthy eating habits or something else entirely, is realizing that you have an issue in the first place. Every step you take to overcome the issue, no matter how small, is an accomplishment that you should be proud of. By acknowledging that her unhealthy eating habits are an issue and working to improve herself, she is engaging in a healthy mindset. That is more than can be said for the people she encountered who are clearly not attempting to better themselves in regards to the way that they treat others. Regardless of her recent setback, she has done more to confront her issues than they have.

    When you are very overweight you are unfortunately taught sometimes to be ashamed of your own existence, and that's really not an easy thing to overcome whatsoever. So it's important to applaud yourself for the things you have done right, regardless of any current setbacks. If she chooses to dwell on the fact that she made a bad decision in her reaction to their behavior, she is just going to feel worse and worse about herself and entirely lose the motivation she had previously. If she focuses on the mindset she had before this happened, her positive mindset will encourage her to continue making positive choices for her body and her health, and the longer she does this the more capable she will become of staying strong against the judgment and opinions of others.
  • ouryve
    ouryve Posts: 572 Member
    CoffeeandCats2 wrote: »
    I"m just so embarrassed to go back even to that first store even though it happened a month ago. Actually more like 2 months ago. I know I didn't do anything wrong but I feel so ashamed to go back in there. I guess I do need to be more assertive and confident.

    Rather than embarrassment, look upon it as not wanting to spend another penny in a store with such rude staff.

    You're losing that extra weight. They'll always be arseholes.
  • rainbowbow
    rainbowbow Posts: 7,490 Member
    Amarie295 wrote: »
    nutmegoreo wrote: »
    While I don't disagree with the bulk of your message, the point that stands out to me is the bolded-italicized part. If she is allowing some random persons ignorant comments effect her to the point of overeating two days in a row, her mindset is not healthy. She needs to sort out her own emotions, or this type of thing will continue to derail her, repeatedly.

    I can definitely see where you are coming from, and I do agree with you. It is unhealthy to let someone's words have so much power over you, and it is definitely something that she would benefit to work on. But I also don't think that this setback should negate the positive decisions she was making before this happened. When you lead an unhealthy lifestyle, even taking that very first step towards eating healthier is a HUGE accomplishment. It is so much easier to go to the store and load up the cart with unhealthy, comfortable choices. And anyone who resists that urge deserves credit. The first step to recovering from anything, whether it be unhealthy eating habits or something else entirely, is realizing that you have an issue in the first place. Every step you take to overcome the issue, no matter how small, is an accomplishment that you should be proud of. By acknowledging that her unhealthy eating habits are an issue and working to improve herself, she is engaging in a healthy mindset. That is more than can be said for the people she encountered who are clearly not attempting to better themselves in regards to the way that they treat others. Regardless of her recent setback, she has done more to confront her issues than they have.

    When you are very overweight you are unfortunately taught sometimes to be ashamed of your own existence, and that's really not an easy thing to overcome whatsoever. So it's important to applaud yourself for the things you have done right, regardless of any current setbacks. If she chooses to dwell on the fact that she made a bad decision in her reaction to their behavior, she is just going to feel worse and worse about herself and entirely lose the motivation she had previously. If she focuses on the mindset she had before this happened, her positive mindset will encourage her to continue making positive choices for her body and her health, and the longer she does this the more capable she will become of staying strong against the judgment and opinions of others.

    I'm sorry, but you don't get extra goody points for not eating junk, overeating consistently, using food as a coping mechanism, etc. This is what any normal healthy person would do.

    You also don't get extra goody points because you ate healthily for a short period of time before succumbing to old habits.

    The results are clearly reflecting in the way your body works. Even if you eat "healthy" foods, and engage in some sort of physical activity, you still face the negative consequences of having excess body fat over time. There is no such thing as "healthy and fat".

    You know nothing about the individuals who may (most likely did not) say these things to her. Not who they are, where they are on their journey, etc. We only have one side of the story here, and that's OP. Trying to convince her that she's a better person, more moral, etc. isn't helping her fix her own problems. From that victim state to her own accountability.

    Your original post is just seeping with your own insecurities. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have and maintain a healthy body weight (yes, even if someone is below a size 10!). Being very overweight is bad. It's not attractive. It's unhealthy for both body and mind.
  • Nightmare_Queen88
    Nightmare_Queen88 Posts: 304 Member
    That sucks that this happened to you. I've never been fat shamed going to stores but back when I was in middle school I did. Big time. And it led me to cutting myself and trying to commit suicide. Its not fair how kids AND adults get away with this crap. But luckily I got over it and it doesn't bother me anymore. As for what you can do: unfortunately talking to the manager may not do anything do to the fact that's it's been so long. I would suggest just going back to that same store and if they say anything then that's when you speak to a manager. Oh and like some of the above posters said, be assertive. Tell them to go f*** themselves. But most importantly don't let what anyone says about you bring you down. Their opinion of you doesn't matter in the slightest. I hope everything works out for you. :)
  • solieco1
    solieco1 Posts: 1,559 Member
    Speak to the store manager. This is ridiculous!
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    I guess I am too much of a B! I would have cursed her out from A - Z she would have been crying!

    Then I would have told the store manager!
  • astrampe
    astrampe Posts: 2,169 Member
    dana70520 wrote: »
    When I grocery shop with my husband I just get looks from this one cashier. She just scans my items and give me a look. I can read the look and it does hurt. I can't say anything about it as she hasn't said anything. It is just a look. So I usually try not to go to her lane when she is there checking out.

    I went to the doctor last week for my A1C and on Wednesday my usual Doctor isn't there. So it was this older man. He made a comment that caught me off guard and had me going "huh?!" He asks me "how is my cholesterol?" I say it is good. He then asks "are you on any cholesterol meds?" I tell him nope. He then mumbles and says "really and your cholesterol is good." That caught me off guard. I have never had an issue with my cholesterol. I looked at my husband and told him later was that comment because I am fat and I should have bad cholesterol? I am just glad he isn't my doctor. I usually get my feelings hurt easily but that was more of a surprise than anything. I was just ready to go to the lab and get my blood drawn as they were having issues getting it that day.

    I'd say ignore it but I know the kind of person I am and I wouldn't be able to. I'd be embarrassed and most likely cry but I for sure would have said "May I speak to your manager" Those words can make any employee rethink what they said unless the manager is a jerk as well.

    So you can read minds?? I think not, I think YOU think that they must be thinking something bad...And a doctor asking you questions is offensive?
    really.....
  • Amarie295
    Amarie295 Posts: 9 Member
    rainbowbow wrote: »

    I'm sorry, but you don't get extra goody points for not eating junk, overeating consistently, using food as a coping mechanism, etc. This is what any normal healthy person would do.

    You also don't get extra goody points because you ate healthily for a short period of time before succumbing to old habits.

    The results are clearly reflecting in the way your body works. Even if you eat "healthy" foods, and engage in some sort of physical activity, you still face the negative consequences of having excess body fat over time. There is no such thing as "healthy and fat".

    You know nothing about the individuals who may (most likely did not) say these things to her. Not who they are, where they are on their journey, etc. We only have one side of the story here, and that's OP. Trying to convince her that she's a better person, more moral, etc. isn't helping her fix her own problems. From that victim state to her own accountability.

    Your original post is just seeping with your own insecurities. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have and maintain a healthy body weight (yes, even if someone is below a size 10!). Being very overweight is bad. It's not attractive. It's unhealthy for both body and mind.

    The OP is clearly in a state where she is incredibly insecure and beating herself up about her current habits, so I really don't see what good it does to remind her of how unhealthy she is being. There are so so many setbacks when you are overweight and trying to be healthy that it is NATURAL to get incredibly discouraged. If there are some people who are able to make the decision to be healthy and then stick with it right away, good for them, they should be proud. But there are some people who have severe insecurity and really struggle with coping with the increased insecurity that they may feel when they are trying to lose weight. Continuing to tell someone that they are unhealthy is not going to motivate them, it is going to increase the self hatred they already have and decrease their chances of getting healthier.

    I am sorry but when you are severely overweight and have eaten badly all of your life, you should feel proud of yourself for choosing to eat healthy. Do you know how many people are simply content in their unhealthy lifestyles? I have met so many. Clearly the OP is not content in being this way, and that alone is something that she should feel good about herself for. The fact that she is posting here rather than giving up and going back to being content in her old ways is something that she should be happy with herself for. The decisions she has made since this happened are obviously not healthy, and I would never argue that. But the OP does not need to be reminded of her bad decisions, the people she encountered already did that for her. She needs to be reminded of what inspired her to get healthy so that she can get back to that state of mind.

    I never said that it was okay to be fat. But it is often made out to be far too black and white. How do you know that someone who is fat isn't currently working every day to lose weight and be healthy? Being healthy is not all about your current state, it's about the work you are doing to get to where you should be. You might not be fat and healthy, but you can still be fat and in the process of living a healthier lifestyle.

    I also never said there was something wrong with wanting to be below a size ten. However, there is something wrong with people of ANY size enforcing their judgment and opinions on others. It is undeniable that if these things were said, they were completely out of line and wrong, and that for someone to become so rude to an overweight person, they must be suffering from insecurities of their own.

    Having a negative mindset is harmful in so many ways, and my only intent was to help the OP look at things in a more positive way. Having a positive mindset will help you in all areas of life, including your physical health. There is no point in reminding her of how unhealthy she is when she clearly already knows that, so it seems much more beneficial to help her get back to the mindset she had when she began to make more positive decisions. If you don't agree with my approach in doing that then that is your right and you should share with her your own opinions and advice. But arguing over whether or not my opinion is right or wrong isn't really helpful to anyone.

Categories