Friends with benefits

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Replies

  • chamzlila
    chamzlila Posts: 189 Member
    Depends on how emotionally mature you are. Life is meant to experience things. Hopefully its a good experience for you. Even if it becomes bad later, hopefully you can learn from it. At least you know if it is good or helpful instead of always wondering. Everyone is different. Whats good for some may have not been good for others. Be honest and don't cross boundaries. Don't let it interfere with the pursuit of a real relationship because that is the ultimate goal when you feel you are in the right place.

    I feel like this is what i am looking for, experiences. Yes i want a really good, deeply in love relationship one day. But right now i want to be free to do as i please and experience what i feel i have been missing
  • chamzlila
    chamzlila Posts: 189 Member
    Verchild wrote: »
    My Opinion:
    I myself am in the process of a Divorce from an 8 year marriage. I WANT to go out and crush it now that I'm available. I honestly know I need to figure out who I am before I worry about that though. I need to learn how to be me with out being with someone else first. So I can be a better person then I was yesterday.

    In the end do what you feel is right. You now have a number of opinions to formulate your own decision on. You do you boo, be happy. But be happy with yourself first.

    Do you not feel like you could do both. Figure out who you are while going out and crushing it?

    How are you dealing with being single after so long?
  • chamzlila
    chamzlila Posts: 189 Member
    (I am having second thoughts)
  • bemyyfriend0918
    bemyyfriend0918 Posts: 241 Member
    Personally, I know myself well enough to know that would not work for me. If you can do it, great, but honestly those situations never work out without emotions getting involved, at least for every woman i've ever met. So what if you're hanging out with that guy, and doing your thing with him, and then two months from now he gets a girlfriend? Can you honestly say you wont care at all or be hurt? You're going to have to cut ties with him at that point, because i'm sure his girlfriend wont approve of him hanging around some woman he was sleeping with, so you'd be losing his company and his sex. Is it really worth the heartbreak? My advice is, be friends only. If he's caring and genuine like you say, and you legit enjoy his company, eventually you WILL want more than just FWB and at that point, after you've already made that pledge, that's the only way he'll view you, as a FWB and not someone to be taken seriously. If you're that physically deprived, go to the adult store and find some "friends". Friends who wont decide to start dating someone new in two months. Friends who cant possibly break your heart. And friends who wont be sleeping with other people at the same time as you.

    Personally, this type of relationship is an absolute no for me. I'm old enough to realize I am not a robot. I am a human with emotions and if i'm sleeping with someone, I wanna be the only one theyre sleeping with and the only one theyre calling baby at night.
  • MonkeyMel21
    MonkeyMel21 Posts: 2,388 Member
    I've had a few FWB in my time. The ones that worked out well for me were the ones that had something I didn't like about them. It's easy to not get attached when you know you're not going to fall for them. I did have to be careful though, because one (or two) of the guys was really sensitive and I hurt his feelings on accident out of my non-chalance. It's best to find someone with a strong character so they also don't fall for you, lol.

    But like you said. Some people just can't do it. If you discover that's you, then I suggest getting a few toys and just have your "me time" as often as necessary.
  • melmelw03
    melmelw03 Posts: 5,338 Member
    One more thought: What if you and this friend have awesome, mind-blowing, earth shattering sex. And the next day you're out and about and you see him on a date with another woman? Like a legit date where he's holding her hand and buying her dinner and being all flirty and looking interested in her. How would that make you feel? If you think it'll make you feel sad, bad, angry, jealous, upset, etc. then please don't do it :)

    Yeah this is why I can't do the FWB. I get the feels too easily.
    I suck at casual.
  • chamzlila
    chamzlila Posts: 189 Member
    OP, you are getting some solid advice here. I agree with the naysayers. Don't do it. You can still have a monogamous outing with a dude without the long term commitment.... like the serial daters.

    Sleeping with multiple people at the same time is a little effed up. It only takes a toll on self-esteem and causes a void that takes time to repair.

    In my experience, the purpose of the FWB was monogamous sex without the strings or commitment of a relationship. It's not about sleeping around, it's about living your single life, but still getting your rocks off with someone you trust.

    Thank you
  • missyj1115
    missyj1115 Posts: 1,220 Member
    Agree with Tracy and melmel!!! I didn't even entertain the idea of dating for 2 1/2 years after my divorce, was just to crushed!! I had to find out who I was again and what it was going to take to raise a little boy on my own. It is scary out there, yes I get lonely and crave sex at times.. But better to take care of things yourself than wind up ruining a good thing! I am a very emotional person and tend to just settle, a BIG problem!! The feels will get in the way and yes seeing him with someone else isn't going to end well. However I kinda wish I could do it... Dating is so tough these days, trying to weed out the men with less than honorable intentions. It's not like it was back in the day, holding hands skating around the rink thinking things couldn't get any better than this! Good Luck hun lord knows we all need it these days!!
  • Verchild
    Verchild Posts: 866 Member
    chamzlila wrote: »
    Do you not feel like you could do both. Figure out who you are while going out and crushing it?

    How are you dealing with being single after so long?

    For me? Honestly no. Because, when I stop and am honest with myself I would simply be trying to replace the woman who i had been living with for so long. A friend told me "If you want to get your rocks off, then do it but never call her again. Do it for the stress and physical relief. But a relationship is a bad idea right now for you."

    I didn't like her telling me that at first, but after thinking about it she is right.

    I'm a little like you, I wear my heart on my sleeve and am quick to let my emotions control my decisions when it comes to relationships. I know i need to take a step back and find out who I am now. What do i like to do? Who are my friends? How can I grow as a person from this major change?

    Right now I'm dealing with it simply one day at a time. Working out and paying attention to my health and fitness is helping. Finding new friends is helping. Talking is helping. One day at a time.
  • bemyyfriend0918
    bemyyfriend0918 Posts: 241 Member
    edited August 2016
    OP, you are getting some solid advice here. I agree with the naysayers. Don't do it. You can still have a monogamous outing with a dude without the long term commitment.... like the serial daters.

    Sleeping with multiple people at the same time is a little effed up. It only takes a toll on self-esteem and causes a void that takes time to repair.

    In my experience, the purpose of the FWB was monogamous sex without the strings or commitment of a relationship. It's not about sleeping around, it's about living your single life, but still getting your rocks off with someone you trust.

    I dont know, I guess everyone has their take on it...
  • T0M_K
    T0M_K Posts: 7,526 Member
    I could use a FWB. #truth. wait..this belongs in the confessions, no judging thread.
  • chamzlila
    chamzlila Posts: 189 Member
    I think people are getting confused with a booty call and a fwb. The key word is friend
  • bemyyfriend0918
    bemyyfriend0918 Posts: 241 Member
    edited August 2016
    chamzlila wrote: »
    I think people are getting confused with a booty call and a fwb. The key word is friend

    So you want a friend who you sleep with, hang out with, and who isn't seeing anyone else?

    Thats a relationship.

    I am not understanding what the difference is. You want someone to hang out with, have sex with, talk to, and someone faithful to you....but you don't want to have Christmas dinner at his parent's house?? Is that what the difference is? Because im 25, and I can tell you that everyone i've ever met in a FWB relationship uses that term to hang out and sleep with multiple people at the same time...otherwise they would just call it a relationship..
  • T0M_K
    T0M_K Posts: 7,526 Member
    well technically any friend is a relationship. no need to split hairs. she wants a safe familiar face to do the nasty with without getting hurt. or faces :) I think