Purina Diet

An oldie but a goodie!

Yesterday I was buying a 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart,
for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was about to check
out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think, that I had an elephant?

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I
didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital
last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before
I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of
every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled
with my story by now.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the
parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.