How do you get over someone you are in love with?
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You ever burn yourself on the stove? This really isn't much different. When you burn yourself, you think that it is going to hurt forever. You can cover up the pain with heavy duty pain killers, distracting yourself, alcohol, or a myriad of other solutions, but it doesn't change the fact you are burned. Until it heals, it is going to hurt. The only thing that will heal is time. Making the pain go away in the beginning is only temporary. The only thing you can do is take care of the wound, learn from the experience, and give the wound time to heal. If something hurts your wound, avoid it.
You may think you are going to hurt forever, but I promise you won't.
Just like that burn, you can find things to take away the pain temporarily. Unfortunately, just like a physical burn, how to take away the emotional pain is something you have to figure out for yourself. Somethings will work great for some but won't work for you. You need to find your solution. Maybe you need to head to the gym and workout for a few hours a day. Maybe your solution is mass quantities of alcohol (it worked for me). Maybe you need to hang out and have dinner with a caring friend. If you have a cheap movie theater nearby, maybe go see a cheap movie every night to distract you.
Sleep will return as well. It takes time. Don't be afraid to put a TV in your room with a relaxing show you can sleep to. Personally, when I watch TV to pass the time until I sleep, I tend to watch reruns I like so I don't get so interested in the show I stay awake.
Give yourself time and find your means of temporarily numbing the pain. The hurt will keep returning but it will heal in time. Avoid things that trigger the pain, even if that means cutting out all contact with the ex, his family, and his friends. If it is someone who you don't want to cut out forever, just explain your reasoning. Likely they will understand. Lastly, don't forget to learn from the situation. Just as you learned not to touch a hot stove, learn what you can from this.7 -
Oh wow, thank you for sharing your experience - this guy seems to be the same in that he knows how to push my buttons and get me to run back to him - but you're right theres a point when you can't handle it anymore, and i think i've reached it with this guy - i think what hurts me the most is, he will replace me very quickly - but you're right i have to focus my mind off him and on other the important stuff
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I like the metaphor you use , you are totally right - i don't ever give myself a chance to heal and just run back to him and get burnt again and again.. i'm going to probably try the gym idea, been meaning to go more often anyway.. plus i will be returning home in 3 weeks for the holidays so i will definetly spend time with my friends which i'm sure will help some
Thank you for the tips and advice, i appreciate it
@everyone - also, i appreciate all your comments / advice.2 -
There are only about a gazillion decent guys out there; you'll be fine.
.... and yes, it will take a while to get over this one.
As in all things, both good and bad, this too shall pass.
Hang in there2 -
Giving someone a second chance is like handing them a loaded revolver, because they missed you the first time.8
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Hey, I've been there. I still am. If he wanted you he would not do this to you.
Story-time: My ex-bf played me for a fool for years, long after we broke up in 2012, I let him take advantage of me, use me as a crutch, call me his best friend and I'd believe it. Almost 6 years of talking every day and spending our free time together, experiencing amazing wonderful things every time. We were in our mid-20's, now I'm in my 30's: don't be like me! (you have pleeeeenty of time to heal if you let yourself)
He started seeing someone this year, he waited until I was gone on a long trip and began hunting for a GF, he even admitted he was just going to use her emotionally, then he started getting nastier to me, playing mind games, took back all the good things.
And I had to finally walk away. He didn't even care at all... He's got serious problems he'll need to face, and I still love him, always will, long into my old-lady days I'll think about him..hopefully not too sadly. It hurts more than anything ever has: any death, any failure, any loss of self doesn't compare; I know it feels like the worst, because it is. Heartbreak is worse than anything, especially the whirling kind you can't do anything to stop.
But you can survive, and you can thrive. Go ahead and let it hurt, but recognize when you feel good, too. The good feelings will heal the bad ones. I can't really add any advice better than anything that's been said, but I do know that the more you put into something, the more you love it. Take your energy and refocus it on embracing something you know will love you or reward you without fail.3 -
Motorsheen wrote: »There are only about a gazillion decent guys out there; you'll be fine.
.... and yes, it will take a while to get over this one.
As in all things, both good and bad, this too shall pass.
Hang in there
That many huh? Who knew.1 -
Hang in there thing will get better sooner then you think.1
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Give yourself time, lots of time to be by yourself for awhile. Also you'll probably want to block him on all social medial, lose his phone number etc, you need to completely unplug from him and just spend time with yourself. Work on your hobbies, focus on school/career, do anything you can to keep yourself occupied so that you don't have an idle mind. There's also nothing wrong with allowing yourself to grieve, but over time you'll eventually get over it, just take it one day at a time.1
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Lol, same thing with my PSYCHOTICCCCC ex.
When I found out, he didn't want to talk about it and was all "embarrassed" because his coworkers could hear me yelling at him on the phone, he kept calling me crazy at home though lol. OH WELL TOUGH SHIZ, shouldn't have done what you did, you disgusting animal.
Anyway, yeah, you'll get through it. He's not good enough for you. My ex kept calling me crazy and saying "That's what the people that cheated on me would ask me all the time" to try to turn shz around onto me LOLno. Doesn't work that way, I'm too smart for your gameplay. If you wanted an open relationship, that's all you had to say, I do swing both ways.
But you'll definitely get over it. You're not the first woman it has happened to and definitely not the last. I'm sure women do it to their boyfriends/husbands all the time, too, instead of working it out like adults and with the person you so claim to "love".
But good luck, sweets! Keep your mind off him, it's the best thing to do :3
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You need to fight the urge to run back to a lying, cheating, using, person. In times like this the easiest thing to do is to lower your self-respect and take the easy road. You need to set higher standards for yourself. Aren't you deserving of a relationship that has so much more to offer? The road is never easy and it definitely will provide heartache, but going through the hard times will build your character and help you to see what to look for in your future life partner. That person should be your best friend, protector, encourager, and lover. Clearly he is not that person. I wish you well and hope you fight through this tough time. The sun will shine much brighter when you reach the other side!1
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Here's the best thing to do about it: GET ANGRY. Don't cry. DO NOT CRY. Scream if that's what you want to do, but do not cry.
I kept my cool, even talked on the phone to the person he'd been doing all his cheating with. He told her he was single and that he worked 16 hrs a day to support himself LOL. And the other few hrs? Spent with me? Yeah.. OKAY Suuuure. xD
Go punch things. Right now is when you should use the fire that he built up and use it for YOURSELF. Go work out, punch a bag, kick a bag. Get tired. Do you, forget him.2 -
It takes time to heal and it won't happen over night. Everyone deals with it their own way and you need to find your feet. Do something productive which you can manage your time wisely. It's not about distracting youself to the point of trying to forget him. Its about changing habits, to try and create yourself a new routine. Focus on where you want to be and create a path to take it. The rest will just come.3
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Realize that you are worthy and deserving of someone who will love you. Love is like a flower when we take possession of it, it will die, but when we admire it as it is and nurture it, it can grow. You don't have to chase love. If someone loves you they will reciprocate the effort. Just keep sending your love out and one day it will return.4
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All sage advice given here. I would just add that if you don't love you enough, you will end up forgetting how and wake up 32 years later wondering why you just donated yourself to a lost cause. Self care and self love, best advice. All the best!3
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Well, 38-year old me is telling 20-year old you that as a woman who's been through this (as most have) that you WILL be okay. You WILL find someone else. And DON'T go back to him! It's a big world out there and you're so young. Find yourself, find a good circle of friends, and someone who won't screw you over. You can do this, be strong and he'll see this is the last time he gets to play you for a fool.4
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Hi Luv- I'm going to recommend a book every woman should read & apply in her life. I wish I read this book at your age but consider myself fortunate to have found it when I was single again in my 30s. It's called:
10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
This is not a new book. You can find it on Amazon or EBay. Dr. Laura gives us the straight talk we need to hear as women. After u read this book- I promise u will feel strong, empowered & wont make the same mistakes when getting into your next relationship with a man. You will also be thankful that u are out of that relationship with a man who lies, cheats & gaslights you.
Know your value and don't accept anything less from the person u are considering being with.2 -
Motorsheen wrote: »There are only about a gazillion decent guys out there; you'll be fine.
.... and yes, it will take a while to get over this one.
As in all things, both good and bad, this too shall pass.
Hang in there
That many huh? Who knew.
Don't believe it...maybe half that.0 -
There's this poem by Lang Leav called No Other. I think there's a love that you can never get over no matter how hard you try. They will always have a piece of your heart even though you've moved on with life. You'll get there. Stay strong.0
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At the risk of sounding like a cliché, time heals. Mourning the loss of a loved one is tough. I know I've mourned the loss of a love. While it feels like the end of the world, it isn't. I'd recommend reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F, by Mark Mason. Humorous, but excellent read about living - really living.0
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