Anyone else have an inaccurate perception of yourself?
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@Sunny_Bunny_ she looks great at her current weight!! I hope you're able to convince her of that.3
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KnitOrMiss wrote: »I wonder if showing your daughter images, @Sunny_Bunny_ of someone else at these extremes that she would notice the unhealthiness? If so, you could then show her that her own images were showing identical levels of health risks... Or maybe a friend/boyfriend could tell her repeatedly how healthy she now versus how scared they were before.
At one time she did say that she didn't realize how thin she looked. She saw some picture that really showed it and said "dang! I did look sick!"
She's teetering on the reality but choosing to ignore it.
She was always slightly overweight until the T1D hit so this was her only time ever being "skinny" and she liked it a lot because she got to wear things she would've never worn before. She ignored that she felt like crap. I think she rationalized that's just how T1D feels.
I think she understands now that she can actually feel better but it didn't help that the one time she got the diabetes under control she gained 20 pounds of painful water weight as a consolation prize! Didn't really sell being healthy...
Maybe she has a better goal now... I guess I will find out3 -
@Sunny_Bunny_ she looks great at her current weight!! I hope you're able to convince her of that.
Thank you! I agree!
I hope she can realize it too.2 -
SuperCarLori wrote: »I always try to visualize the little Lori inside, before life and societies expectations changed my self esteem, and I take her in my arms and hold her. Tell her she'll always be the most important, my best friend, and I'll be her hero.
LOVE this!!
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KnitOrMiss wrote: »I wonder if showing your daughter images, @Sunny_Bunny_ of someone else at these extremes that she would notice the unhealthiness? If so, you could then show her that her own images were showing identical levels of health risks... Or maybe a friend/boyfriend could tell her repeatedly how healthy she now versus how scared they were before.
That could help! People always told me how thin I was and I really never saw it until I saw a full body pic of me. Maybe showing her someone of the same height and weight might give more perspective. She looks fantastic currently.
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KnitOrMiss wrote: »I personally wonder how different this conversation would be if we all described our inner avatars/self, without looking at mirrors for a while. I get caught on the flip side of this, too, despite the picture evidence. If I really stop and think about the inner me, she's somewhere in her early twenties, filling out a size 14/16 nicely, curves and all. When I think about myself and who I am and who I'm to be and all of that, she is always the one who comes to mind.
I was thinking about this, too. Why do we even care what our outer appearance is? Why don't we just focus on being as healthy as possible instead? Why do we care what anyone else's outer appearance is? Why can't we just seek to see people for who they are?
I admit that I fall far short of this myself. In my mind's eye I'm younger and thinner and in better shape than the current reality. I avoid mirrors and photographs, because I'm always disappointed with what I see in them.
A friend of mine had weight loss surgery last year, and has lost close to 80 lbs. She was always pretty and smart, has a wonderful sense of humor, and is fun to be around. Now that she has shed so much weight she finally has the self-confidence to date again, and has met a great guy who really cares about her. I'm thrilled for her, but in a way it saddens me that she had to go through the ordeal of the surgery and its aftermath to feel good about herself. And it saddens me that she couldn't find a meaningful relationship before, either, because her weight prevented her from looking, and probably prevented guys from wanting to get to know her better.
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This is something I struggle with. When I do photo comparisons I know there is a vey obvious difference. I know I am down 90lbs. I know I don't wear a 2 or 3X anymore. I know in my logical mind that a year ago I could barely walk 2km and now I'm a long distance runner...
But catching myself in the mirror a lot of nights I see what was. In stores I still try to starfish to the wall when people get near me so I'm not taking up the whole aisle. I still worry in restaurants that my stomach is going to be mashed up against the booth table.
Changing your body is the easy part I think, changing your mind is another
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MyriiStorm wrote: »KnitOrMiss wrote: »I personally wonder how different this conversation would be if we all described our inner avatars/self, without looking at mirrors for a while. I get caught on the flip side of this, too, despite the picture evidence. If I really stop and think about the inner me, she's somewhere in her early twenties, filling out a size 14/16 nicely, curves and all. When I think about myself and who I am and who I'm to be and all of that, she is always the one who comes to mind.
I was thinking about this, too. Why do we even care what our outer appearance is? Why don't we just focus on being as healthy as possible instead? Why do we care what anyone else's outer appearance is? Why can't we just seek to see people for who they are?
I admit that I fall far short of this myself. In my mind's eye I'm younger and thinner and in better shape than the current reality. I avoid mirrors and photographs, because I'm always disappointed with what I see in them.
A friend of mine had weight loss surgery last year, and has lost close to 80 lbs. She was always pretty and smart, has a wonderful sense of humor, and is fun to be around. Now that she has shed so much weight she finally has the self-confidence to date again, and has met a great guy who really cares about her. I'm thrilled for her, but in a way it saddens me that she had to go through the ordeal of the surgery and its aftermath to feel good about herself. And it saddens me that she couldn't find a meaningful relationship before, either, because her weight prevented her from looking, and probably prevented guys from wanting to get to know her better.
We care what we look like to others because it's human nature. And we'd be lying if we said we didn't assess others based on the way they look. We form a whole assessment of a person in a short time based on their weight, cleanliness, tattoos, clothing, car they drive, and a whole host of other things. Not necessarily a negative assessment, but an assessment nonetheless. We worry about how we look to others for this same reason. What are others going to assume about our character or personality based on how we look. I get annoyed with very big people who constantly eat garbage and complain they can't do anything about it. For the same reason I got annoyed with myself when I was doing the same. It has nothing to do with whether they're a nice person or not. The world is full of victims who blame everyone else for their misfortune, when really we all have choices and options.
I don't see a "large" person and think "oh, you're fat". I see a large person and think "you need to take care of yourself better, only you can do that, and you need to do it for your families and the people who love you. And you need to teach yourself so that you can teach your children."
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I really try hard to only look others in the eyes. Because that's where they are. The rest of it is judgemental *kitten*.2
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One thing I learned from all this, is that with the exception of a couple random *kitten*, everyone is not looking at, judging, or watching everything I do. I really felt like that was the case. After I lost the weight, I realized people really are just too damn busy most of the time to bother judging. I used to think anytime someone glanced at me they were thinking "ugh God! Look at that fat nasty slob!" But people don't look at me any more now than they did then. They have better things to do. And if they have time to notice my thunder-thighs (why they still have to be so BIG-ARGH!), I don't give 2 *kitten* because I have other things to worry about than a fleeting judgement by someone who might just be in a bad mood or having their own hard time to begin with. And who might not be thinking anything to do with me at all anyway.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are your own worst critic. Now that we aren't in high school anymore, thank the Maker!
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baconslave wrote: »One thing I learned from all this, is that with the exception of a couple random *kitten*, everyone is not looking at, judging, or watching everything I do. I really felt like that was the case. After I lost the weight, I realized people really are just too damn busy most of the time to bother judging. I used to think anytime someone glanced at me they were thinking "ugh God! Look at that fat nasty slob!" But people don't look at me any more now than they did then. They have better things to do. And if they have time to notice my thunder-thighs (why they still have to be so BIG-ARGH!), I don't give 2 *kitten* because I have other things to worry about than a fleeting judgement by someone who might just be in a bad mood or having their own hard time to begin with. And who might not be thinking anything to do with me at all anyway.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are your own worst critic. Now that we aren't in high school anymore, thank the Maker!
Now that I have an adolescent daughter (every man's nightmare), my wife and I are really working hard to help her understand that bolded part. It starts in adolescence where you think everyone is staring at you because _________ when in fact they are all way too consumed with their own insecurities to notice any flaw you may have.
Some of us grow out of it. Some don't. Some regress out of it to become judgmental of others as a coping mechanism to try to squelch their own insecurities (haters). Hurray for the first group who should help the second group. The third group generally isn't worth the time and energy to address. Haters will be haters.3 -
baconslave wrote: »One thing I learned from all this, is that with the exception of a couple random *kitten*, everyone is not looking at, judging, or watching everything I do. I really felt like that was the case. After I lost the weight, I realized people really are just too damn busy most of the time to bother judging. I used to think anytime someone glanced at me they were thinking "ugh God! Look at that fat nasty slob!" But people don't look at me any more now than they did then. They have better things to do. And if they have time to notice my thunder-thighs (why they still have to be so BIG-ARGH!), I don't give 2 *kitten* because I have other things to worry about than a fleeting judgement by someone who might just be in a bad mood or having their own hard time to begin with. And who might not be thinking anything to do with me at all anyway.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are your own worst critic. Now that we aren't in high school anymore, thank the Maker!
Thighs are big, WOMAN, when they are STRONG A F. Hugs. Besides, it's a sign of health in nearly every culture... @baconslave SMDH
But yeah, I don't think people are. They are too lazy to care about others, other than in a context to make themselves feel better or to rationalize a choice, etc.1 -
MyriiStorm wrote: »KnitOrMiss wrote: »I personally wonder how different this conversation would be if we all described our inner avatars/self, without looking at mirrors for a while. I get caught on the flip side of this, too, despite the picture evidence. If I really stop and think about the inner me, she's somewhere in her early twenties, filling out a size 14/16 nicely, curves and all. When I think about myself and who I am and who I'm to be and all of that, she is always the one who comes to mind.
I was thinking about this, too. Why do we even care what our outer appearance is? Why don't we just focus on being as healthy as possible instead? Why do we care what anyone else's outer appearance is? Why can't we just seek to see people for who they are?
I admit that I fall far short of this myself. In my mind's eye I'm younger and thinner and in better shape than the current reality. I avoid mirrors and photographs, because I'm always disappointed with what I see in them.
A friend of mine had weight loss surgery last year, and has lost close to 80 lbs. She was always pretty and smart, has a wonderful sense of humor, and is fun to be around. Now that she has shed so much weight she finally has the self-confidence to date again, and has met a great guy who really cares about her. I'm thrilled for her, but in a way it saddens me that she had to go through the ordeal of the surgery and its aftermath to feel good about herself. And it saddens me that she couldn't find a meaningful relationship before, either, because her weight prevented her from looking, and probably prevented guys from wanting to get to know her better.
@MyriiStorm - That's one of the things I tend to reflect on. Honestly, I had to get right in my head and learn to love all 319 pounds of me before I could let any of them go. I went through and accepted the fact that I was where I was, and that I was holding on to items from the past (clothing from sizes 5X - 12 in ladies) to convince myself that there was still hope left for me.
Realizing that holding on to a bunch of crap I didn't need particularly, I was holding on to everything insecure about myself. I held onto a few pieces that really spoke to me, got rid of everything that didn't or was more than 2 sizes from my weight, and I was finally able to be in the right mental space to lose weight.
This started about 4 years after I split from my ex, and around this same time, I woke up one morning and decided to finalize the divorce my ex started on my terms, and to quit allowing him to put it off because he was lazy and didn't want to spend the money. I had finally moved on and healed (that took ages).
About 4 months later, randomly, I ended up in contact with a HS dear friend with whom I'd lost contact over the years. Fast forward a bit, and even now, still in the morbidly obese category, I was ready to consider a relationship I'd never been seeking... I keep telling myself it is so crazy how the world and universe work...
But I know that "finding myself" again after my split/divorce matter so much more than my physical appearance (though losing that inflammation/cabbage patch/"I ate my ex" look helped leaps and bounds, too!), but it was a whole soul type healing that I did...and the weight came off afterward...
I always tell people that you've got to do the hard mental lifting and work. Without it, no weight will ever stay off. With it, and getting healthier, the weight can't help but follow suit... It all starts - and STOPS - in the head and the health...2
